Part 31 (1/2)

”Well-no, of course not, but-Obi-Wan, n.o.body eats raw gundark. ”

”Nor twice, at any rate, ” said Obi-Wan, sardonic. ”And it wasn't by choice the first time, I promise you. ” He laughed outright, the memory easing the shadowed tension in his face-but then he started coughing. Even after drinking his water ration, it was a long time before he stopped.

Anakin offered his own water, but the cup was waved away. ”Look, ” he said, after a moment. ”You can't keep on like this, Obi-Wan.

What you're doing? Spending hours helping Devi at the power plant and then more hours in the sick house? Even with that little girl helping, it's killing you. ”

”I do what I must, ” said Obi-Wan, and forced down another mouthful of food. ”These people are sick and I can help them and that's the end of it. ”

”No, it isn't, ” he retorted. ”Obi-Wan, why are you...” And then he realized. Stang. ”This isn't your fault. It's mine. I pushed to stay in Torbel. I made promises I couldn't keep. You have to stop punis.h.i.+ng yourself for my decisions. ”

”Punis.h.i.+ng myself, ” Obi-Wan muttered, looking away. ”What nonsense, Anakin. ”

He put his almost-emptied plate to one side on the step. ”Then what is going on? You're the one who's always telling me to slow down, be sensible, conserve my strength for the long haul in a mission. And look at you. Your hands are shaking. Your pulse is racing.

I'm not a healer and I can feel your headache!”

Obi-Wan turned on him. ”Are you saying I should let these people die simply to spare myself some trifling discomfort? I am a Jedi. I have the power to help them and so I must help them. I cannot-I will not-stand by and watch them suffer. I won't prove our critics right!”

”Critics?” Anakin said, baffled. ”What critics? What are you talking about?”

For a long time Obi-Wan sat in silence. The boom boom blat of the droids' bombardment continued. Permanently tuned to the vagaries of the vulnerable s.h.i.+eld, Anakin listened for a change in its subliminal hum, a sign that one or more of the generators was struggling.

But no, his frantic patchwork repairs still held. And they would keep on holding. They had to.

At last Obi-Wan sighed, and put down his own plate. ”It's something Bail said once. On the way to Zigoola. He was angry because I'd been so perfectly healed after that terrorist blast, when others who were injured languished in medcenters, many of them maimed. He wanted to know why the Jedi healed themselves first and left others to linger. ”

”So this is Organa's fault?” he said, incredulous. ”Obi-Wan, come on. Don't fall for that. He didn't even know you then. He didn't know anything about the Jedi. He still doesn't, not really. And now you're going to...”

129.

Obi-Wan lightly slapped his knee. ”Peace, Anakin. He had a point. This war has taught me that we Jedi have allowed ourselves to become too detached. Too distant from the Republic we're sworn to serve. Look at how suspicious these people of Torbel were of us.

And still are. You've said it yourself, more than once. We've lost the common touch. ”

”Yeah, well, it can stay lost if it means you don't try to kill yourself healing people, ” he retorted. ”And I'm telling you, it has to stop.

Tonight. Because we both know you can't take any more. ”

”Anakin...” Obi-Wan shook his head. ”I will take as much as I need to take. I have to, if for no other reason than to get your ally Rikkard back on his feet. ”

There was the merest hint of acid in that remark. Anakin rubbed his hands over his face, feeling the thickened stubble, the dried sweat, the gritty dirt. With his eyes covered, the bombardment's boom boom blat sounded louder than ever. And even with them covered he could still see the bright flashes of plasma impacting the s.h.i.+eld.

This is my doing. I've been wrong every step of the way. And now it's too late to make up for any of it.

”So, ” he said, when he could trust his voice. ”I guess you were right after all. I guess I am dangerous. ”

”Dangerous?” said Obi-Wan blankly. ”What are you talking about?”

”You don't remember?” He shrugged. ”Well. It was a long time ago. ”

Coruscant at night, awash with brilliant color. A landing platform crowded with the Queen of Naboo's stars.h.i.+p, busy with staff and droids, humming with tension. Young and alone, he was missing his mother so badly, was so angry because the Jedi Council had smashed his dreams to dust. His only hope was Qui-Gon, tall and strong and somehow elemental-a s.h.i.+eld and a shelter and a newfound friend. Not like Obi-Wan. He'd been young, then. Impatient, sharp-tongued, and just as angry- because Qui-Gon had said he wanted to train one small, strange boy.

”The boy is dangerous. They all sense it. Why can't you?”

Anakin s.h.i.+vered, remembering. And then the puzzlement in Obi-Wan's face faded, replaced with a dawning realization as he remembered too. ”Oh, ” he said. ”Oh, Anakin... ”

There was shame in Obi-Wan's voice. Regret. And shock, to think his fleeting anger, his thoughtless words, could have left such an indelible impression.

But they did, Master Ken.o.bi. They really did. And now I can't help wondering... were you right, after all?

”Anakin, ” said Obi-Wan intently. ”Listen to me. I was wrong. In that moment I was hurt, I was angry. ” He swallowed. ”Anakin, I was jealous. ”

Some part of him had always known that. Even as a child, abandoned to the care of an astromech droid on that landing platform, he'd felt those hot, roiling emotions in Qui-Gon's quicksilver apprentice. Even when he'd been too young to understand everything, he'd always understood how other people were feeling. That was just another part of being a Jedi. The Chosen One. The boy who grew up as something more than a boy.

And now, years later, stranded on a planet staring death-or worse-in the face, that boy was a man and the quicksilver apprentice was the man's former Master. His friend. His brother. His comrade-in-arms.

Strange times.

Anakin shook his head. ”Forget it. I never should've brought it up. ”

”But you did bring it up, ” said Obi-Wan. ”Anakin, you are not dangerous and you are not responsible for the trouble we're in now. If there's a finger to be pointed, let it be pointed at me. I'm older than you, I'm more experienced, and at any given moment I could've pulled the plug on this mission. But I didn't. ”

Anakin. you are not dangerous. It warmed him, to hear the words, to hear the sincerity in Obi-Wan's tired voice, and see it in his tired face.

Rut if be knew about Tatooine, and what really happened with my mother. About Padme. About how I feel sometimes when the Force turns scarlet and bursts through me like hot blood. If be knew all that, what would he say?

130.

He didn't know. He never wanted to find out.

Burying those thoughts before Obi-Wan could sense them, he cleared his throat. ”So why didn't you pull the plug?”

”Because I wanted you to be right, ” Obi-Wan said after a long silence. ”I wanted to give you the chance to prove me wrong, for once.

” He ran a hand down his face. ”We call you the Chosen One but we don't often give you the chance to prove it, do we?”

”Yeah, well... ” He had to clear his throat, and blink hard to unblur his vision. ”I haven't exactly proven it this time. ”

Blat... blat... boom... blat... boom... boom... boom... and the night sky beyond the fragile s.h.i.+eld burned like a dying sun.

”Oh, I don't know, ” said Obi-Wan, very gently. ”We're not dead yet, Anakin. And that means...”

The Force's spurring was blunted, but they both felt it. Something was wrong. Something was- ”There!” said Obi-Wan, pointing across the square. His hand was unsteady. ”What s.h.i.+eld sector is that? Four? Five?”

Anakin squinted through the shadows. ”Four. Stang. I thought I'd fixed it. I thought...”