Part 24 (2/2)
”I did not hide my name because I was ashamed of it,” I said.
”You have no need, Christabel. It was a d.a.m.nable thing that was done.
He was my friend, and I will help you all I can.”
Then without reserve I told him everything I had learnt and all that I had done. He let me tell the story without interruption, and put his questions at the end.
”I cannot tell you you are not in danger from Count Gustav and his father. Your very name is a source of danger; and were you another woman I should counsel you with all insistence to give this up and go away. But you will not do that. I know you too well. I must think how to protect you. You have set me a very difficult task; but it shall not be impossible. Yet I dare not let my hand be seen in it. I will think it all over until I find a way. Meanwhile, trust me as your father would have done; and let me hear something of you every day. I shall know no ease of mind if I do not hear, every day. A note or message, saying all is well with you, will be enough. And if you find yourself in any trouble, let me know of it--I shall guess it, indeed, if I do not hear any day from you. And I will pledge myself to get you out--even if I have to appeal to Vienna on your behalf.”
”I need no more than the knowledge that your help is behind me. But you think the danger is really serious?”
”If you threaten Count Gustav, you threaten the whole Patriotic cause; and if I could tell you the things that have been done to build up that great national movement even you might be daunted and turned from your purpose.”
”Not while I live,” I cried, resolutely.
”You are your father's child. He was as staunch and brave and fearless as any man that ever drew breath, but he was broken, and was but one of many victims. A policy of this stern kind has no bowels of compa.s.sion for man, woman, or child. Pray G.o.d you may never have to look in vain for that compa.s.sion.”
”You almost frighten me,” I said. His earnestness was so intense.
”No, nothing can do that, I am sure. If I could indeed frighten you out of this purpose of yours, I would; but instead, I will help you. I have many means, of course; and will exhaust them all. Go now, and let me think for you.”
As we rose he stumbled against the table on which stood the chess board. He turned to me with a smile.
”I am afraid it will be some time before we play again. But the day will come, Christabel. It shall, or I am no player at this other game.”
And with this note of confidence we parted.
CHAPTER XIII
GETTING READY
I don't like having to own that General von Erlanger went a little too far in saying that nothing could frighten me. The terms in which he had spoken of the Patriotic movement and his reference to its compa.s.sionless sacrifice of victims disturbed me profoundly.
I pa.s.sed a sleepless, tumbling, anxious night; and if it be fear to conjure up all kinds of possible horrors, to shrink at the thought that even my life might be in danger, and to lie wincing and cringing and shuddering at the prospect of cruelty and torture, then certainly I was horribly frightened.
I was a prey to bitter unavailing regret that I had so lightly and thoughtlessly set out on a path which had led me to such a pa.s.s and brought me face to face with such powerful, terrifying, and implacable adversaries.
The temptation to run away from it all seized upon me with such force that I sought in all directions for reasons which would justify cowardice and clothe it with the robe of prudence. But my fears were confronted by the conviction that I had gone too far to be able to retreat without deserting Gareth; and at that my alarm took the shape of hot but impotent indignation at my lack of foresight.
Then my sense of honour and my fear had a struggle over that sweet, innocent, trustful, child, in which all that was mean and ign.o.ble and cowardly in my disposition fought to persuade me to desert her; and before the night was half over had all but conquered.
I was tired of playing a man's part; and in those hours of weakness, the sense of responsibility was so cruelly heavy and the desire to be only a girl and just rush away from it all so strong, that once I actually jumped from my bed and began to dress myself with feverish eagerness to leave the house and fly from the city.
But I had not even the courage of my cowardice. The recollection of that sneer of Count Gustav's--that while my name still bore the stain I was not even the equal of such a woman as Madame d'Artelle stayed me.
I tore off my clothes again and crept back into bed, to lie s.h.i.+vering at the consciousness that if I was afraid to go through with my purpose, I was even more afraid to run away from it.
I grew calmer after a while. I put aside as mere hysterical nonsense the idea that my life could be in danger. They had not even taken my father's life. If they found me in their way, they might devise some excuse for imprisoning me. That was probably the worst that could happen. It had been in General von Erlanger's mind; and he had promised to secure my liberty. I knew I could trust myself to him.
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