Part 9 (2/2)

I had scarcely finished, and was about to heave myself to my feet, when I heard a voice from behind and above me say--”It is grateful, varra grateful to a Scotchman.”

I turned myself about, and drew back from the wall, for I saw a very remarkable object perched upon it. It was the upper portion of a man in military accoutrements. He was not sitting on the wall, for, if so, his legs would have been dangling over on the outside. And yet he could not have heaved himself up to the level of the parapet, with the legs depending inside, for he appeared to be on the wall itself down to the middle.

”Are you a Scotchman or an Englishman?” he inquired.

”An Englishman,” I replied, hardly knowing what to make of the apparition.

”It's mabbe a bit airly in the nicht for me to be stirring,” he said; ”but the smell of the whisky drew me from my grave.”

”From your grave!” I exclaimed.

”And pray, what is the blend?” he asked.

I answered.

”Weel,” said he, ”ye might do better, but it's guid enough. I am Captain Alister McAlister of Auchimachie, at your service, that is to say, his superior half. I fell in one of the attacks on the citadel. Those”--he employed a strong qualification which need not be reproduced--”those Johnny c.r.a.pauds used chain-shot; and they cut me in half at the waistbelt, and my legs are in Scotland.”

Having somewhat recovered from my astonishment, I was able to take a further look at him, and could not restrain a laugh. He so much resembled Humpty Dumpty, who, as I had learned in childhood, did sit on a wall.

”Is there anything so rideeculous about me?” asked Captain McAlister in a tone of irritation. ”You seem to be in a jocular mood, sir.”

”I a.s.sure you,” I responded, ”I was only laughing from joy of heart at the happy chance of meeting you, Alister McAlister.”

”Of Auchimachie, and my t.i.tle is Captain,” he said. ”There is only half of me here--the etceteras are in the family vault in Scotland.”

I expressed my genuine surprise at this announcement. ”You must understand, sir,” continued he, ”that I am but the speeritual presentment of my buried trunk. The speeritual presentment of my nether half is not here, and I should scorn to use those of Captain O'Hooligan.”

I pressed my hand to my brow. Was I in my right senses? Had the hot sun during the day affected my brain, or had the last drain of whisky upset my reason?

”You may be pleased to know,” said the half-captain, ”that my father, the Laird of Auchimachie, and Colonel Graham of Ours, were on terms of the greatest intimacy. Before I started for the war under Wellington--he was at the time but Sir Arthur Wellesley--my father took Colonel Graham apart and confided to him: 'If anything should happen to my son in the campaign, you'll obleege me greatly if you will forward his remains to Auchimachie. I am a staunch Presbyterian, and I shouldn't feel happy that his poor body should lie in the land of idolaters, who wors.h.i.+p the Virgin Mary. And as to the expense, I will manage to meet that; but be careful not to do the job in an extravagant manner.'”

”And the untoward Fates cut you short?”

”Yes, the chain-shot did, but not in the Peninsula. I pa.s.sed safely through that, but it was here. When we were makin' the bridge, the enemy's s.h.i.+ps were up the river, and they fired on us with chain-shot, which ye ken are mainly used for cutting the rigging of vessels. But they employed them on us as we were engaged over the pontoons, and I was just cut in half by a pair of these shot at the junction of the tunic and the trews.”

”I cannot understand how that your legs should be in Scotland and your trunk here.”

”That's just what I'm aboot to tell you. There was a Captain O'Hooligan and I used to meet; we were in the same detachment. I need not inform you, if you're a man of understanding, that O'Hooligan is an Irish name, and Captain Timothy O'Hooligan was a born Irishman and an ignorant papist to boot. Now, I am by education and conveection a staunch Presbyterian. I believe in John Calvin, John Knox, and Jeannie Geddes.

That's my creed; and if ye are disposed for an argument----”

”Not in the least.”

”Weel, then, it was other with Captain O'Hooligan, and we often had words; but he hadn't any arguments at all, only a.s.sertions, and he lost his temper accordingly, and I was angry at the unreasonableness of the man. I had had an ancestor in Derry at the siege and at the Battle of the Boyne, and he spitted three Irish kerns on his sabre. I glory in it, and I told O'Hooligan as much, and I drank a gla.s.s of toddy to the memory of William III., and I shouted out Lillibulero! I believe in the end we would have fought a duel, after the siege was over, unless one of us had thought better of it. But it was not to be. At the same time that I was cut in half, so was he also by chain-shot.”

”And is he buried here?”

”The half of him--his confounded legs, and the knees that have bowed to the image of Baal.”

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