Part 7 (2/2)

236. II. Spiritual cold in marriages is a disunion of souls and a disjunction of minds, whence come indifference, discord, contempt, disdain, and aversion; from which, in several cases, at length comes separation as to bed, chamber, and house. That these effects take place with married partners, while their primitive love is on the decline, and becomes cold, is too well known to need any comment. The reason is, because conjugial cold above all others resides in human minds; for the essential conjugial principle is inscribed on the soul, to the end that a soul may be propagated from a soul, and the soul of the father into the offspring. Hence it is that this cold originates there, and successively goes downward into the principles thence derived, and infects them; and thus changes the joys and delights of the primitive love into what is sad and undelightful.

237. III. THERE ARE SEVERAL SUCCESSIVE CAUSES OF COLD, SOME INTERNAL, SOME EXTERNAL, AND SOME ACCIDENTAL. That there are several causes of cold in marriages, is known in the world; also that they arise from many external causes; but it is not known that the origins of the causes lie concealed in the inmost principles, and that from these they descend into the principles thence derived, until they appear in externals; in order therefore that it may be known that external causes are not causes in themselves, but derived from causes in themselves, which, as was said, are in inmost principles, we will first distribute the causes generally into internal and external, and afterwards will particularly examine them.

238. IV. INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD ARE FROM RELIGION. That the very origin of conjugial love resides in the inmost principles of man, that is, in his soul, is demonstrable to every one from the following considerations alone; that the soul of the offspring is from the father, which is known from the similitude of inclinations and affections, and also from the general character of the countenance derived from the father and remaining with very remote posterity; also from the propagative faculty implanted in souls from creation; and moreover by what is a.n.a.logous thereto in the subjects of the vegetable kingdom, in that there lies hid in the inmost principles of germination the propagation of the seed itself, and thence of the whole, whether it be a tree, a shrub, or a plant. This propagative or plastic force in seeds in the latter kingdom, and in souls in the other, is from no other source than the conjugial sphere, which is that of good and truth, and which perpetually emanates and flows in from the Lord the Creator and Supporter of the universe; concerning which sphere, see above, n. 222-225; and from the endeavour of those two principles, good and truth, therein, to unite into a one.

This conjugial endeavour remains implanted in souls, and conjugial love exists by derivation from it as its origin. That this same marriage, from which the above universal sphere is derived, const.i.tutes the church with man, has been abundantly shewn above in the chapter ON THE MARRIAGE OF GOOD AND TRUTH, and frequently elsewhere. Hence there is all the evidence of rational demonstration, that the origin of the church and of conjugial love are in one place of abode, and in a continual embrace; but on this subject see further particulars above, n. 130, where it was proved, that conjugial love is according to the state of the church with man; thus that it is grounded in religion, because religion const.i.tutes this state. Man also was created with a capacity of becoming more and more interior, and thereby of being introduced or elevated nearer and nearer to that marriage, and thus into love truly conjugial, and this even so far as to perceive a state of its blessedness. That religion is the only means of introduction and elevation, appears clearly from what was said above, namely, that the origin of the church and of conjugial love are in the same place of abode, and in mutual embrace there, and that hence they must needs be conjoined.

239. From what has been said above it follows, that where there is no religion, there is no conjugial love; and that where there is no conjugial love, there is cold. That conjugial cold is the privation of that love, maybe seen above, n. 235; consequently that conjugial cold is also a privation of a state of the church, or of religion. Sufficient evidence of the truth of this may be deduced from the general ignorance that now prevails concerning love truly conjugial. In these times, who knows, and who is willing to acknowledge, and who will not be surprised to hear, that the origin of conjugial love is deduced hence? But the only cause and source of this ignorance is, that, notwithstanding there is religion, still there are not the truths of religion; and what is religion without truths? That there is a want of the truths of religion, is fully shown in the APOCALYPSE REVEALED; see also the MEMORABLE RELATION, n. 566 of that work.

240. V. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FIRST IS THE REJECTION OF RELIGION BY EACH OF THE PARTIES. Those who reject the holy things of the church from the face to the hinder part of the head, or from the breast to the back, have not any good love; if any proceeds apparently from the body, still there is not any in the spirit. With such persons goods place themselves on the outside of evils, and cover them, as raiment glittering with gold covers a putrid body. The evils which reside within, and are covered, are in general hatreds, and thence intestine combats against everything spiritual; for all things of the church which they reject, are in themselves spiritual; and as love truly conjugial is the fundamental love of all spiritual loves, as was shewn above, it is evident that interior hatred is contrary to it, and that the interior or real love with such is in favor or the opposite, which is the love of adultery; therefore such persons, more than others, will be disposed to ridicule this truth, that every one has conjugial love according to the state of the church; yea, they will possibly laugh at the very mention of love truly conjugial; but be it so; nevertheless they are to be pardoned, because it is as impossible for them to distinguish in thought between the marriage embrace and the adulterous, as it is for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. Such persons, as to conjugial love, are starved with cold more than others. If they keep to their married partners, it is only on account of some of the external causes mentioned above, n. 153, which withhold and bind them. Their interiors of the soul and thence of the mind are more and more closed, and in the body are stopped up; and in this case even the love of the s.e.x is thought little of, or becomes insanely lascivious in the interiors of the body, and thence in the lowest principles of their thought. It is these who are meant in the MEMORABLE RELATION, n. 79, which they may read if they please.

241. VI. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE SECOND IS, THAT ONE OF THE PARTIES HAS RELIGION AND NOT THE OTHER. The reason of this is, because the souls must of course disagree; for the soul of one is open to the reception of conjugial love, while the soul of the other is closed to it. It is closed with the party that has not religion, and it is open with the one that has; hence such persons cannot live together harmoniously; and when once conjugial love is banished, there ensues cold; but this is with the party that has no religion. This cold cannot be dissipated except by the reception of a religion agreeing with that of the other party, if it be true; otherwise, with the party that has no religion, there ensues cold, which descends from the soul into the body, even to the cuticles; in consequence of which he can no longer look his married partner directly in the face, or accost her in a communion of respirations, or speak to her except in a subdued tone of voice, or touch her with the hand, and scarcely with the back; not to mention the insanities which, proceeding from that cold, make their way into the thoughts, which they do not make known; and this is the reason why such marriages dissolve of themselves. Moreover, it is well known, that an impious man thinks meanly of a married partner; and all who are without religion are impious.

242. VII. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE THIRD IS, THAT ONE OF THE PARTIES IS OF ONE RELIGION AND THE OTHER OF ANOTHER. The reason of this is, because with such persons good cannot be conjoined with its corresponding truth; for as was shewn above, the wife is the good of the husband's truth, and he is the truth of the wife's good. Hence of two souls there cannot be made one soul; and hence the stream of that love is closed: and consequently a conjugial principle is entered upon, which has a lower place of abode, and which is that of good with another truth, or of truth with another good than its own, between which there cannot be any harmonious love: hence with the married partner that is in a false religion, there commences a cold, which grows more intense in proportion as he differs from the other party. On a certain time, as I was wandering through the streets of a great city inquiring for a lodging, I entered a house inhabited by married partners of a different religion; being ignorant of this circ.u.mstance, the angels instantly accosted me, and said, ”We cannot remain with you in that house; for the married partners who dwell there differ in religion.” This they perceived from the internal disunion of their souls.

243. VIII. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FOURTH IS, THE FALSITY OF THE RELIGION. This is, because falsity in spiritual things either takes away religion or defiles it. It takes it from those with whom genuine truths are falsified; it defiles it, where there are indeed falsities, but not genuine truths, which therefore could not be falsified. In the latter case there may be imputed goods with which those falses may be conjoined by applications from the Lord; for these falses are like various discordant tones, which by artful arrangements and combinations are brought into harmony, and communicate to harmony its agreeableness: in this case some conjugial love is communicable; but with those who have falsified with themselves the genuine truths of the church, it is not communicable. The prevailing ignorance concerning love truly conjugial, or a negative doubting respecting the possibility of the existence of such love, is from persons of the latter description; and from the same source also comes the wild imagination, in the minds of the generality, that adulteries are not evils in a religious point of view.

244. IX. WITH MANY, THE ABOVE-MENTIONED ARE CAUSES OF INTERNAL COLD, BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME OF EXTERNAL. If the causes above pointed out and confirmed, which are the causes of internal cold, produced similar external cold, as many separations would ensue as there are cases of internal cold, which are as many as there are marriages of those who are in a false or a different religion, or in no religion; respecting whom we have already treated; and yet it is well-known, that many such live together as if they mutually loved and were friendly to each other: but whence this originates, with those who are in internal cold, will be shewn in the following chapter CONCERNING THE CAUSES OF APPARENT LOVE, FRIENDs.h.i.+P, AND FAVOR IN MARRIAGES. There are several causes which conjoin minds (_animos_) but still do not conjoin souls; among these are some of those mentioned above, n. 183; but still cold lies interiorly concealed, and makes itself continually observed and felt. With such married partners the affections depart from each other; but the thoughts, while they come forth into speech and behaviour, for the sake of apparent friends.h.i.+p and favor, are present; therefore such persons know nothing of the pleasantness and delight, and still less of the satisfaction and blessedness of love truly conjugial, accounting them to be little else than fables. These are of the number of those who deduce the origin of conjugial love from the same causes with the nine companies of wise ones a.s.sembled from the several kingdoms of Europe; concerning whom see the MEMORABLE RELATION above, n. 103-114.

245. It may be urged as an objection to what has been proved above, that still the soul is propagated from the father although it is not conjoined to the soul of the mother, yea, although cold residing therein causes separation; but the reason why souls or offspring are nevertheless propagated is, because the understanding of the man is not closed, but is capable of being elevated into the light into which the soul is; but the love of his will is not elevated into the heat corresponding to the light there, except by the life, which makes him from natural become spiritual; hence it is, that the soul is still procreated, but, in the descent, while it becomes seed, it is veiled over by such things as belong to his natural love; from this springs hereditary evil. To these considerations I will add an arcanum from heaven, namely, that between the disjoined souls of two persons, especially of married partners, there is effected conjunction in a middle love; otherwise there would be no conception with men (_homines_). Besides what is here said of conjugial cold, and its place of abode in the supreme region of the mind, see the LAST MEMORABLE RELATION of this chapter, n. 270.

246. X. THERE ARE ALSO SEVERAL EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD, THE FIRST OF WHICH IS DISSIMILITUDE OF MINDS AND MANNERS. There are both internal and external similitudes and dissimilitudes. The internal arise from no other source than religion; for religion is implanted in souls, and by them is transmitted from parents to their offspring as the supreme inclination; for the soul of every man derives life from the marriage of good and truth, and from this marriage is the church; and as the church is various and different in the several parts of the world, therefore also the souls of all men are various and different; wherefore internal similitudes and dissimilitudes are from this source, and according to them the conjugial conjunctions of which we have been treating; but external similitudes and dissimilitudes are not of the souls but of minds; by minds (_animos_) we mean the affections and thence the external inclinations, which are princ.i.p.ally insinuated after birth by education, social intercourse, and consequent habits of life; for it is usual to say, I have a mind to do this or that; which indicates an affection and inclination to it. Persuasions conceived respecting this or that kind of life also form those minds; hence come inclinations to enter into marriage even with such as are unsuitable, and likewise to refuse consent to marriage with such as are suitable; but still these marriages, after a certain time of living together, vary according to the similitudes and dissimilitudes contracted hereditarily and also by education; and dissimilitudes induce cold. So likewise dissimilitudes of manners; as for example, an ill-mannered man or woman, joined with a well-bred one; a neat man or woman, joined with a slovenly one; a litigious man or woman, joined with one that is peaceably disposed; in a word, an immoral man or woman, joined with a moral one. Marriages of such dissimilitudes are not unlike the conjunctions of different species of animals with each other, as of sheep and goats, of stags and mules, of turkeys and geese, of sparrows and the n.o.bler kind of birds, yea, as of dogs and cats, which from their dissimilitudes do not consociate with each other, but in the human kind these dissimilitudes are indicated not by faces, but by habits of life; wherefore external colds are from this source.

247. XI. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE SECOND IS, THAT CONJUGIAL LOVE IS BELIEVED TO BE THE SAME AS ADULTEROUS LOVE, ONLY THAT THE LATTER IS NOT ALLOWED BY LAW, BUT THE FORMER IS. That this is a source of cold, is obvious to reason, while it is considered that adulterous love is diametrically opposite to conjugial love; wherefore when it is believed that conjugial love is the same as adulterous, they both become alike in idea; and in such case a wife is regarded as a harlot, and marriage as uncleanness; the man himself also is an adulterer, if not in body, still in spirit. That hence ensue contempt, disdain, and aversion, between the man and his woman, and thereby intense cold, is an unavoidable consequence; for nothing stores up in itself conjugial cold more than adulterous love; and as adulterous love also pa.s.ses into such cold, it may not undeservedly be called essential conjugial cold.

248. XII. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE THIRD IS, A STRIVING FOR PRE-EMINENCE BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS. This is, because conjugial love princ.i.p.ally respects the union of wills, and the freedom of decision thence arising; both which are ejected from the married state by a striving for pre-eminence or superiority; for this divides and tears wills into pieces, and changes the freedom of decision into servitude.

During the influence of such striving, the spirit of one of the parties meditates violence against the other; if in such case their minds were laid open and viewed by spiritual sight, they would appear like two boxers engaged in combat, and regarding each other with hatred and favor alternately; with hatred while in the vehemence of striving, and with favor while in the hope of dominion, and while under the influence of l.u.s.t. After one has obtained the victory over the other, this contention is withdrawn from the externals, and betakes itself into the internals of the mind, and there abides with its restlessness stored up and concealed. Hence cold ensues both to the subdued party or servant, and to the victor or dominant party. The reason why the latter also suffers cold is, because conjugial love no longer exists with them, and the privation of this love is cold; see n. 235. In the place of conjugial love succeeds heat derived from pre-eminence; but this heat is utterly discordant with conjugial heat, yet it can exteriorly resemble it by means of l.u.s.t. After a tacit agreement between the parties, it appears as if conjugial love was made friends.h.i.+p; but the difference between conjugial and servile friends.h.i.+p in marriages, is like that between light and shade, between a living fire and an _ignis fatuus_, yea, like that between a well-conditioned man and one consisting only of bone and skin.

249. XIII. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FOURTH IS, A WANT OF DETERMINATION TO ANY EMPLOYMENT OR BUSINESS, WHENCE COMES WANDERING Pa.s.sION. Man (_h.o.m.o_) was created for use, because use is the continent of good and truth, from the marriage of which proceeds creation, and also conjugial love, as was shewn above. By employment and business we mean every application to uses; while therefore a man is in any employment and business, or in any use, in such case his mind is limited and circ.u.mscribed as in a circle, within which it is successively arranged into a form truly human, from which as from a house he sees various concupiscences out of himself, and by sound reason within exterminates them; consequently also he exterminates the wild insanities of adulterous l.u.s.t; hence it is that conjugial heat remains better and longer with such than with others. The reverse happens with those who give themselves up to sloth and ease; in such case the mind is unlimited and undetermined, and hence the man (_h.o.m.o_) admits into the whole of it everything vain and ludicrous which flows in from the world and the body, and leads to the love thereof; that in this case conjugial love also is driven into banishment, is evident; for in consequence of sloth and ease the mind grows stupid and the body torpid, and the whole man becomes insensible to every vital love, especially to conjugial love, from which as from a fountain issue the activities and alacrities of life. Conjugial cold with such is different from what it is with others; it is indeed the privation of conjugial love, but arising from defect.

250. XIV. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FIFTH IS, INEQUALITY OF EXTERNAL RANK AND CONDITION. There are several inequalities of rank and condition, which while parties are living together put an end to the conjugial love which commenced before marriage; but they may all be referred to inequalities as to age, station, and wealth. That unequal ages induce cold in marriage, as in the case of a lad with an old woman, and of a young girl with a decrepit old man, needs no proof. That inequality of station has a similar effect, as in the marriage of a prince with a servant maid, or of an ill.u.s.trious matron with a servant man, is also acknowledged without further proof. That the case is the same in regard to wealth, unless a similitude of minds and manners, and an application of one party to the inclinations and native desires of the other, consociate them, is evident. But in all such cases, the compliance of one party on account of the pre-eminence of station and condition of the other, effects only a servile and frigid conjunction; for the conjugial principle is not of the spirit and heart, but only nominal and of the countenance; in consequence of which the inferior party is given to boasting, and the superior blushes with shame. But in the heavens there is no inequality of age, station, or wealth; in regard to age, all there are in the flower of their youth, and continue so into eternity; in regard to station, they all respect others according to the uses which they perform. The more eminent in condition respect inferiors as brethren, neither do they prefer station to the excellence of use, but the excellence of use to station; also when maidens are given in marriage, they do not know from what ancestors they are descended; for no one in heaven knows his earthly father, but the Lord is the Father of all. The case is the same in regard to wealth, which in heaven is the faculty of growing wise, according to which a sufficiency of wealth is given. How marriages are there entered into, may be seen above, n. 229.

251. XV. THERE ARE ALSO CAUSES OF SEPARATION. There are separations from the bed and also from the house. There are several causes of such separations; but we are here treating of legitimate causes. As the causes of separation coincide with the causes of concubinage, which are treated of in the latter part of this work in their own chapter, the reader is referred thereto that he may see the causes in their order.

The legitimate causes of separation are the following.

252. XVI. THE FIRST CAUSE OF LEGITIMATE SEPARATION IS A VITIATED STATE OF MIND. The reason of this is, because conjugial love is a conjunction of minds; if therefore the mind of one of the parties takes a direction different from that of the other, such conjunction is dissolved, and with the conjunction the love vanishes. The states of vitiation of the mind which cause separation, may appear from an enumeration of them; they are for the most part, the following: madness, frenzy, furious wildness, actual foolishness and idiocy, loss of memory, violent hysterics, extreme silliness so as to admit of no perception of good and truth, excessive stubbornness in refusing to obey what is just and equitable; excessive pleasure in talkativeness and conversing only on insignificant and trifling subjects; an unbridled desire to publish family secrets, also to quarrel, to strike, to take revenge, to do evil, to steal, to tell lies, to deceive, to blaspheme; carelessness about the children, intemperance, luxury, excessive prodigality, drunkenness, uncleanness, immodesty, application to magic and witchcraft, impiety, with several other causes. By legitimate causes we do not here mean judicial causes, but such as are legitimate in regard to the other married partner; separation from the house also is seldom ordained in a court of justice.

253. XVII. THE SECOND CAUSE OF LEGITIMATE SEPARATION IS A VITIATED STATE OF BODY. By vitiated states of body we do not mean accidental diseases, which happen to either of the married partners during their marriage, and from which they recover; but we mean inherent diseases, which are permanent. The science of pathology teaches what these are. They are manifold, such as diseases whereby the whole body is so far infected that the contagion may prove fatal; of this nature are malignant and pestilential fevers, leprosies, the venereal disease, gangrenes, cancers, and the like; also diseases whereby the whole body is so far weighed down, as to admit of no consociability, and from which exhale dangerous effluvia and noxious vapors, whether from the surface of the body, or from its inward parts, in particular from the stomach and lungs; from the surface of the body proceed malignant pocks, warts, pustules, s...o...b..tic phthisic, virulent scab, especially if the face be defiled thereby: from the stomach proceed foul, stinking, rank and crude eructations: from the lungs, filthy and putrid exhalations, arising from imposthumes, ulcers, abcesses, or from vitiated blood or lymph therein.

Besides these there are also various other diseases, as lipothamia, which is a total faintness of body and defect of strength; paralysis, which is a loosing and relaxation of the membranes and ligaments which serve for motion; certain chronic diseases, arising from a loss of the sensibility and elasticity of the nerves, or from too great a thickness; tenacity, and acrimony of the humors; epilepsy; fixed weakness arising from apoplexy; certain phthisical complaints, whereby the body is wasted; the cholic, caeliac affection, rupture, and other like diseases.

254. XVIII. THE THIRD CAUSE OF LEGITIMATE SEPARATION IS IMPOTENCE BEFORE MARRIAGE. The reason why this is a cause of separation is, because the end of marriage is the procreation of children, which cannot take place where this cause of separation operates; and as this is foreknown by the parties, they are deliberately deprived of the hope of it, which hope nevertheless nourishes and strengthens their conjugial love.

255. XIX. ADULTERY IS THE CAUSE OF DIVORCE. There are several reasons for this, which are discernible in rational light, and yet at this day they are concealed. From rational light it may be seen that marriages are holy and adulteries profane; and thus that marriages and adulteries are diametrically opposite to each other; and that when opposites act upon each other, one destroys the other even to the last spark of its life. This is the case with conjugial love, when a married person commits adultery from a confirmed principle, and thus from a deliberate purpose. With those who know anything of heaven and h.e.l.l, these things are more clearly discernible by the light of reason: for they know that marriages are in and from heaven, and that adulteries are in and from h.e.l.l, and that these two cannot be conjoined, as heaven cannot be conjoined with h.e.l.l, and that instantly, if they are conjoined with man (_h.o.m.o_), heaven recedes, and h.e.l.l enters. Hence then it is, that adultery is the cause of divorce; wherefore the Lord saith, that ”_whosoever shall put away his wife, except for wh.o.r.edom, and shall marry another, committeth adultery_,” Matt. xix. 9. He saith, if, except for wh.o.r.edom, he shall put away his wife, and marry another, he committeth adultery; because putting away for this cause is a plenary separation of minds, which is called divorce; whereas other kinds of putting away, grounded in their particular causes are separations, of which we have just treated; after these, if another wife is married, adultery is committed; but not so after a divorce.

256. XX. THERE ARE ALSO SEVERAL ACCIDENTAL CAUSES OF COLD; THE FIRST OF WHICH IS, THAT ENJOYMENT IS COMMON (OR CHEAP), BECAUSE CONTINUALLY ALLOWED. The reason why this consideration is an accidental cause of cold is, because it exists with those who think lasciviously respecting marriage and a wife, but not with those who think holily respecting marriage, and securely respecting a wife. That from being common (or cheap) in consequence of being continually allowed, even joys become indifferent, and also tiresome, is evident from the case of pastimes and public shows, musical entertainments, dancing, feasting, and the like, which in themselves are agreeable, because vivifying. The case is the same with the intimacy and connection between married partners, especially between those who have not removed the unchaste love of the s.e.x from the love which they bear to each other; and when they think of enjoyment's being common (or cheap) in consequence of being continually allowed, they think vainly in the absence of the faculty of enjoyment.

That this consideration is to such persons a cause of cold is self-evident. It is called accidental, because it joins inward cold as a cause, and ranks on its side as a reason. To remove the cold arising from this circ.u.mstance, it is usual with wives, from the prudence implanted in them, to offer resistance to what is allowable. But the case is altogether otherwise with those who think chastely respecting wives; wherefore with the angels the consideration of enjoyment's being common in consequence of being continually allowed, is the very delight of their souls, and contains their conjugial love; for they are continually in the delight of that love, and in its ultimates according to the presence of their minds uninterrupted by cares, thus from the decisions of the judgement of the husbands.

257. XXI. OF ACCIDENTAL CAUSES OF COLD THE SECOND IS, THAT LIVING WITH A MARRIED PARTNER, FROM A COVENANT AND CONTRACT, SEEMS FORCED AND NOT FREE. This cause operates only with those with whom conjugial love in the inmost principles is cold; and since it unites with internal cold, it becomes an additional or accidental cause. With such persons, extra-conjugial love, arising from consent and the favor thereof, is interiorly in heat; for the cold of the one is the heat of the other; which, if it is not sensibly felt, is still within, yea, in the midst of cold; and unless it was thus also within, there would be no reparation.

This heat is what const.i.tutes the force or compulsion, which is increased in proportion as, by one of the parties, the covenant grounded in agreement and the contract grounded in what is just, are regarded as bonds not to be violated; it is otherwise if those bonds a

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