Part 22 (2/2)
CHAPTER XVII.
HETTY'S FUTURE IS PLANNED.
This was the severest trial Hetty had ever encountered. Longing for special love, and delight in reproducing the beautiful, were part of one and the same impulse in her nature, and, crushed in the one, all her heart had gone forth in the other direction. Now both had been equally condemned in her as faults, and she fell back, as before, on the mere dull effort towards submission which had already carried her surely, if joylessly, over so many difficult years of her young life. She worked patiently at her books and fulfilled her duties; and she grew thinner and paler, and the old sad look became habitual to her lips and eyes.
Another year pa.s.sed, and as Phyllis and Nell approached nearer and nearer to the period for ”coming out” they were more frequently absent from the school-room, and Hetty's days were more solitary than they used to be.
All her mind was now fixed on the idea of fitting herself as soon as possible for some sort of post as governess. She knew she never could take such a position as that which Miss Davis filled, and had meekly admitted to herself that a humble situation must content her.
She often wondered how it would be with her when the Enderby girls should no longer need Miss Davis; and decided according to her own judgment that she ought to be ready to seek a place for herself in the world as soon as the elder girls should have completed their studies.
One evening she sat opposite to Miss Davis at the school-room fireside.
Phyllis and Nell were in the drawing-room with their mother. Miss Davis was netting energetically, and Hetty, who had been studying busily, dropped her book and was gazing absently into the fire.
”Hetty,” said Miss Davis presently, ”put away your book, I want to talk to you.”
Hetty obeyed, and looked at her governess expectantly.
”My dear, you know very well that in another year I shall no longer be needed here. Phyllis and Nell will then be eighteen and seventeen, and their mother has decided that they shall come out at the same time. When I am gone there will no longer be any object in your staying in this house. And yet, as you will then be only sixteen, you will be young to begin your life among strangers.”
”Yes,” said Hetty with a sinking of the heart; ”but it is very good of you to think about me like this. Of course I shall have to go. I suppose I can get in somewhere as a nursery governess.”
”I have been thinking of something else. Of course it will remain for yourself to decide.”
Hetty's heart leaped. A wild idea crossed her mind that perhaps Miss Davis was going to suggest some way by which she might study to be an artist. Though she had never spoken on the subject since Mr. Enderby had p.r.o.nounced sentence upon her hopes, still the dear dream of a possible beautiful future had always lain hidden somewhere in the most distant recesses of her brain. Now a sudden bright light shone into that darkened chamber. What delightful plan had Miss Davis been marking out for her?
”I have made up my mind,” said Miss Davis, ”that instead of entering another family I will open a school in the town where I was born. My mother is getting old and she is lonely. If I succeed in my project I shall be able to live with her and continue to make an income at the same time.”
”How delightful!” murmured Hetty.
Miss Davis smiled sadly. ”I don't know about that. The plan will have its advantages, but there are many difficulties. However, I think it is worth a trial.”
Hetty said nothing, only wondered why Miss Davis was not more wildly glad at the thought of being always with her mother. She could not realize how long years of trial and disappointment had made it impossible to the governess to feel vivid antic.i.p.ations of delight.
”Now as regards you--” Hetty started. She had so completely thrown herself into Miss Davis's personality for the moment that she had entirely forgotten her own. ”As regards you, I have been thinking that you might come with me and help me as an under teacher. In this way you might begin to be independent at the age of sixteen, and at the same time continue your own studies under my superintendence. Later, when you were more thoroughly fitted to be a governess, I could endeavour to place you out in the world.”
”Oh, how good of you to think of it! You are very, very kind!” said Hetty, though tears of disappointment rushed to her eyes. She crushed back the ungrateful feeling of dismay which pressed upon her at the thought of trying to teach in school. Her common-sense told her that nothing could be more advantageous for her interests than the plan Miss Davis had sketched for her. And she keenly appreciated the thoughtfulness for her welfare which had led the governess to include her in the scheme for her own future.
”You would only have little children to teach at first,” Miss Davis went on, ”until you grow accustomed to the work and gain confidence in yourself. Of course this is only a suggestion which I make to you, that you may turn it over in your thoughts and be ready to make arrangements when the moment shall arrive. Perhaps by that time, however, Mr. Enderby will be able to provide you with a pleasanter home.”
”I do not think so,” said Hetty. ”He could recommend me only as a nursery governess, and if I were once in that position I could never have any further opportunity to improve. With you I can continue my studies.”
”This is precisely what I think,” said Miss Davis, ”and I am glad you take such a sensible view of the matter. However, we need not speak of this for a year to come.”
And so the conversation ended. Hetty longed to put her arms round Miss Davis's neck and thank her warmly for her kindness, but she felt instinctively that the governess would rather she abstained from all such demonstrations. It was only when she went up to bed that she allowed her thoughts to go back to the beautiful moment when she had fancied Miss Davis might have been thinking of making her an artist; and then she cried sadly as she thought of how foolish she had been in imagining even for a second that such a wild improbability had come true.
However, Hetty awakened next morning with a wholesome feeling of satisfaction in her mind which she could not at first account for. In a few moments the conversation with Miss Davis rushed back upon her memory, and she knew that her contentment was due to the prospect of independence that had been put before her as so real and so near. Once installed under Miss Davis's roof, teaching in school and earning the bread she ate, neither servants nor companions could taunt her with being a charity girl any more, Mr. Enderby's fears for her would then be laid to rest, and the dread of disappointing him would be lifted off her mind. In Miss Davis's school she could live and work until she had acquired all that learning which to her was so hard to attain.
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