Part 10 (1/2)

”I think your friends cannot be trusted,” White said, then strode to the s.h.i.+p's rail and stood with his hands crossed over his chest.

It dismayed me to see our governor overmastered by his pilot. Our fortunes were dependent upon his. If he failed in his purpose, we would all be lost.

”You must speak to your father,” I said to Eleanor. ”Fernandes considers his own interests. He does not care about the success of our colony.”

”I will,” whispered Eleanor. ”When he is calmer.”

Soon we were sailing the northern coast of Hispaniola, which appeared like a distant tuft of moss, green and low. The s.h.i.+p did not go ash.o.r.e as Fernandes promised. White did not order him to land, or if he did, the pilot ignored him. Thus we still lacked salt and livestock, and White remained grim. We encountered no Spanish vessels, and the islands disappeared from view on the sixth of July. Two weeks later, Hatorask, on the outer banks of Virginia, was sighted. Everyone scrambled to the decks, where there was great rejoicing. Eleanor and her husband embraced, the baby in her belly keeping them some distance apart. The hardiest soldiers wiped tears from their eyes.

Our voyage had been brought to a safe end. But our trials were only beginning.

Chapter 19.

From the Papers of Sir Walter Ralegh Memorandum 12 May 1587. The Lion Lion has departed Plymouth and I have had no reply from the Lady Catherine. Perhaps she did not receive my letter? No, it must be that her reply was lost. I see the sodden pages adrift upon the furrowed sea. Alas, I shall never know her mind. has departed Plymouth and I have had no reply from the Lady Catherine. Perhaps she did not receive my letter? No, it must be that her reply was lost. I see the sodden pages adrift upon the furrowed sea. Alas, I shall never know her mind.

My heart beats with a pa.s.sionate remorse. If only I had delivered the letter myself! But I was afraid to face her and now am punished for my cowardice.

24 May 1587. I live the dream of every man in England. Who does not desire to behold the virgin queen at the hour of her awakening, all the day long, and in the last moments before sleep? I see her in her s.h.i.+ft, her bosom drooping like a withered bloom. I see her scalp beneath her white hair. I watch her grimace, limping on an ulcered leg, and feel compelled to offer her my arm. This is a husband's intimate office, not mine.

I think I never will marry. Does every man fear to find his ardor cooled by the sight of frailty? By a beauty exposed as stark plainness?

There was nothing false or painted about C.A.'s beauty. Even now I see her lips and cheeks of a natural coral hue, her dark thick hair-all her own. Ah, in years hence it will show strands of silver, and lines will mark her face like tributaries on a map. The thought does not repulse me. Why? Because I will be old as well.

I cannot forget her, though an ocean widens between us. Does she sit in John White's cabin and take her fill of stories from him, as from a father's lips? Does she gaze upon the swarthy Fernandes and wish to sail with rovers and adventurers?

It was her lively imagination-so like my own-that I loved in her. And now it has wandered from me, to wonder new thoughts.

And I am, though never alone, lonelier than can be imagined.

Poem I hope for what I have not, I would come, but may not.

Of my wounds you care naught, Because the pain you see not.

13 June 1587. At the banquet for the Dutch amba.s.sador Her Majesty called me her second Sir Philip Sidney. It was the highest praise, for this soldier-poet lately slain in the Netherlands is England's greatest hero. Before everyone, she demanded a sonnet, which I created extempore: Let us honor fair Astro-phil (Fall'n on the battle's b.l.o.o.d.y plain) By meeting his enemy, Spain, full well In Virginia, across that watery main.

The queen bade me sit at her right hand, while Walsingham gave me the blackest of looks. He is still angry I received the Babington estates. Alas, I would almost give them up to obtain what I have not: my freedom, my own will, and true love.

1 July 1587. Outside the privy chamber, Walsingham stopped me with these words: ”Do not forget I am the architect of Her Majesty's policy with regard to Spain. Your efforts must not interfere with mine.”

Is he so full of envy he does not welcome my enterprise of challenging Spain in the New World?

Fie upon his threats! The old spymaster does not command me.

I wonder how he can hear anything with that cap pulled over his ears?

24 July 1587Dear brother Carew,Her Majesty's summer progress will take her through Devons.h.i.+re. I may not leave her side, so you must contrive to visit me. You will recognize me by my puffed-sleeve tunic the color of a Valencia orange, and a plumed hat too ostentatious even for my taste. Do not laugh at me or I shall thrash you as if we were boys again.I swear no man is more hated for being loved than I am. The queen has granted me the monopoly on broadcloth, and every man who suffers the loss of his trade because of it hates me. I wish she would love me more by hating me more. It is a paradox, I know; oftentimes things most contrary are both true.By now the Lion Lion and the pinnace have landed at Chesapeake. There must be no time lost in sending a supply s.h.i.+p, but I am all of out funds. Go to our investors and praise Gov. White's abilities. Remind them of the innumerable pearls and the veins of copper awaiting our discovery, by which we shall all be made richer than King Croesus. and the pinnace have landed at Chesapeake. There must be no time lost in sending a supply s.h.i.+p, but I am all of out funds. Go to our investors and praise Gov. White's abilities. Remind them of the innumerable pearls and the veins of copper awaiting our discovery, by which we shall all be made richer than King Croesus.Your brother,Sir W.R.

Chapter 20.

A Dead Man The tides ebbed and flowed around the Lion Lion, anch.o.r.ed near the inlet at Hatorask. But after so many weeks of confinement we still could not leave the s.h.i.+p. John White, Ananias Dare, Manteo, and forty soldiers had set out in the pinnace to retrieve the soldiers Grenville had left at the fort. When they returned we would sail the short distance to Chesapeake and settle there.

While we waited, I borrowed an eyegla.s.s to peer at the sand-covered hills, where gra.s.s and gorselike bushes grew. They were not as green and lush as I had expected. A seaman, gesturing with pitch-stained hands, explained this was a barrier island holding back the sea from the mainland that lay across the shallow bay beyond it. With the gla.s.s I searched the sea, hoping to see a great fish with fins like sails or the rare leviathan, creatures I had seen only in pictures. I was impatient to be on land, but it was a pleasure just to stand on deck and feel and taste the salty wind. I found myself wis.h.i.+ng Sir Walter were beside me. Did he envy me, that I would see Virginia before him and help to build the colony he longed to govern?

I wondered what it was like for Manteo to return to his own land. Would he tell his people about great city of London and teach them English? Would they still accept him now that he looked like an Englishman? I smiled to think of the horrified looks that would greet us if we all returned to London dressed like savages.

When the pinnace returned, it carried the same forty men who had gone out the day before.

”Where are Grenville's men?” called Roger Bailey from the deck of the Lion. Lion.

”They were not at the fort,” shouted Ananias in reply. ”But we will search until we find them.”

”No, son, we sail for Chesapeake now. We will return later,” said John White.

One of the women started weeping, for her husband had been among those left on the island.

Then Fernandes announced from the quarterdeck that none of the men would be allowed to board the s.h.i.+p again. But he demanded to see White and sent out a rowboat to fetch him.

At this the men in the pinnace grew restive. Ananias insisted on getting in the rowboat with White. I wondered about Fernandes's purpose. The governor climbed the rigging and jumped to the deck, his face red with exertion and rage.

”What is this? Send the boatswain back to fetch all the men in the pinnace,” he demanded.

Without replying, Fernandes disappeared into the cabin, and White and Ananias could only follow him. Again we heard their angry voices. Eleanor clung to my arm. I knew she had not spoken to her father as she promised. Now trouble was in store.

John White emerged from the cabin and without preamble said, ”Fernandes has elected to return at once to England because of the lateness of the season and the storms he is anxious to avoid.”

He frowned and his eyes flashed. But the storm on his brow was evidently not the one Fernandes feared.

”Thus we are obliged to stay at Fort Ralegh-”

Roger Bailey interrupted him. ”What happened to Grenville's men? Did the savages get them?” He pointed to Manteo standing in the pinnace. ”He must know. He is one of them.”

I admired the way Manteo stood erect, not even glancing at the accusing finger.

”We have women and children with us,” said Ambrose Vickers. ”We can't stay here if we're likely to be attacked.”

His words caused murmuring among the others and White raised his hand to silence it.

”There is still a fort. We will reinforce it and build up the existing houses.” He paused, then said with emphasis, ”And because because of Manteo, we have friends among the Indians.” of Manteo, we have friends among the Indians.”

I did not understand why the men were angry with the governor and not with Fernandes, who stood before the cabin door as if he owned everything inside. I wondered if he would have dared to treat Ralegh as he treated White.