Part 5 (2/2)
Best of all, it would give an opportunity to see Sir Walter again.
One day when the queen was abed with a ulcer in her leg, I asked Emme to come with me to Sir Walter's house, saying I had a favor to ask of him.
Emme's eyes lit up with curiosity, but she was also wary. ”We must contrive a purpose for going out, or our absence may be questioned.”
I grabbed a pile of old linens. ”If anyone asks, we are delivering these to the embroiderer on the Strand.”
So we left Whitehall with the linens, joining the crowds thronging the streets around Charing Cross. A ten-minute walk brought us to Durham House, where a footman said that Sir Walter was not at home. Emme and I walked back to Whitehall in silence. I decided my plan was a feeble, doomed effort.
”He was there, I am sure,” I said. ”But he does not want to see me!”
Emme's brown eyes were warm with sympathy. ”He has a new love, and her name is Virginia,” she said.
But the very next day I received a message.
My dear Catherine! I regret missing you. What was it, I wonder, that brought you here after so many months' absence? I beg the return of your delightful presence soon. Nay, sooner. At once, if you could fly, angel.W.R.
My heart thumped at my ribs like a bird in a cage. Ralegh wanted to see me! I secreted the message with the others tied in the queen's handkerchief. Then I waited for an opportunity to go to him. I was careless with my duties, misplacing sleeves and partlets, but only Emme seemed to notice. Elizabeth's ulcer had improved and she could now hobble around her bedchamber.
”Go today,” Emme urged. ”You won't be needed to dress the queen until she can walk about more easily.” She helped me into my green silk bodice and skirt that brightened my gray eyes. ”Don't forget to fetch the linens from the embroiderers,” she added with a wink.
Not half an hour later I was in the garden of Durham House, alone with Ralegh among the shaded bowers. The narrow paths forced us to walk close to each other, our arms touching from time to time. The scent of him and the clouds of purple lavender went to my head like new wine, and I could not order my thoughts. I found myself prattling to him about the queen's health.
Sir Walter stopped and put up his hand. ”I do not wish to hear about the royal ulcer,” he said with a wry smile. ”Tell me about yourself instead. What you have been doing and thinking of late?”
Thinking too much of you. Reading your letters. Wanting to walk with you, just like this. I did not confess these thoughts, but a different truth. ”What weighs on me now is the queen's disfavor,” I admitted, relating the entire episode of Graham and Lady Anne. ”So, to be plain, my position is precarious. I desire only to be back in Her Majesty's good graces.” I did not confess these thoughts, but a different truth. ”What weighs on me now is the queen's disfavor,” I admitted, relating the entire episode of Graham and Lady Anne. ”So, to be plain, my position is precarious. I desire only to be back in Her Majesty's good graces.”
”And I desire to be in yours,” he said smoothly.
”What do you mean?” I murmured.
”You did not reply to my letters and poems these past months,” he said in a tone of rebuke.
I looked at him in surprise. ”But I have received nothing from you! Not since the handkerchief and ... the poem that followed.” I felt a wave of heat wash over my face at the memory of what he had written to me: My America, north and south, I'd explore you with this hand, Claim you with my mouth. My America, north and south, I'd explore you with this hand, Claim you with my mouth.
”Nothing? How can that be?” he said, frowning. ”Then receive it now.”
He leaned toward me, and I saw his parted lips, his teeth. Though everything in me longed to be kissed, I shook my head.
”No, I must not! The queen will be angry.”
”She will not know.”
Like a sapling in the breeze, I swayed toward Sir Walter until my lips just grazed his.
”That was no true kiss. Let me show you one,” he whispered.
Clasping my shoulders, he lowered me onto a bench and sat beside me, his thigh pressed to mine. His nearness and his breath on my cheek sent a sharp tingling to the base of my spine.
”No, for I may not love without Her Majesty's permission,” I said, pleading.
”You are here without her permission, are you not?”
”I was foolish to come. I should go now.”
With a sigh, he released my shoulders. ”But you may not leave until you have told me why you came.”
”Oh, yes.” I had been about to leave without even touching on my purpose.
”Was it simply to see me?” he prompted, sounding so hopeful I hated to disappoint him with an honest answer.
”I did come to see you yesterday-as a friend in need of your help. I wanted you to write a poem for me to give to the queen, something that might restore me to her favor.” I sighed. ”But it was a foolish idea, for if she learns I was here with you, I will lose my place altogether.”
Sir Walter did not seem offended. He took my chin in his hand and tilted my head upward. ”Rather, your coming here shows your courage,” he said. ”Many a man wishes to flout the queen's will in favor of his own, but dares not.”
”Can you be you speaking of yourself?” I asked in disbelief. ”I thought your wishes had been gratified by all the favors the queen grants you.”
”Oh, Cat!” he cried, leaping to his feet. ”I will confess my ambitions to you. I wish to go to the New World myself and govern it. I would bring all Manteo's people under my dominion and rule like Caesar during the golden age. I would dig in the earth with these hands and mine its wealth, enough gold and silver to make Virginia the richest colony in all the world. Every man in England would hail the name of Ralegh!”
Sir Walter strode back and forth proclaiming his ambitions while I watched in amazement.
”But Elizabeth makes me stay in England, a toy to entertain her! She appoints me warden of this, captain of that. All her favors, like ropes, only tie me down with heavy duties.”
I could no longer contain myself. ”Oh, Sir Walter, I also dream of going to the New World! Ever since I saw the maps in your library and your s.h.i.+ps at anchor on the Thames. And the savage, Manteo-seeing his n.o.ble bearing and hearing him speak only quickened my curiosity. He is not much older than I am, and he has already traveled far and wide. Since reading Captain Barlowe's report, I want nothing more than to visit this land where nothing is corrupted and everything is free-” I broke off, breathless.
Sir Walter looked at me with an expression almost like pity. He sank down beside me, then lifted my hair from my shoulders, brought it to his face, and kissed it.
”You, Cat, you sleek, beautiful creature, are more innocent than America herself,” he murmured, dropping my hair and touching my cheek instead. ”You don't know how free you are. How fortunate!”
Moved by curiosity I touched his face, the straight, narrow nose, the furrowed brow beneath his curly hair. It was bold of me, but then I was no longer a timid Cat.
”We are both dreamers, are we not?” I said with a smile. ”But you are the innocent one if you think that freedom is my good fortune. No, it is a fearful thing to one who has no family and no wealth. Without the queen's favor, I will starve.”
Ralegh nodded. Then he looked over my shoulder and began to speak. ”Virginia, land of so much plenty, for your bounty I do hunger.” He paused and thought for a moment. ”But on your sh.o.r.es you've placed a sentry, denying my poor love an entry.”
”What do you mean by these rhymes?” I asked, hoping for a simpler declaration of his love.
”Why, it is the opening stanza of the poem you requested. The land of Virginia is the queen,” he explained. ”The bounty is the favor you seek. Write it down.”
From inside his doublet he handed me a pencil and a piece of paper. They were warm from being next to his body. I wrote down the verses.
”This is like a poem you sent me,” I said, unable to hide my disappointment. ”Were those meant for the queen, too?”
”No, that is my style, to be allegorical.” He then gave me a hurt look. ”What I sent to you, I meant only for you.”
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