Part 1 (1/2)
A Man in the Open.
by Roger Poc.o.c.k.
TO PERSONS WHO HAVE NAMESAKES IN THIS BOOK
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
Except the Bear, who is no more, the characters appearing in this volume wish me to say that their breaches of etiquette, homicides, etc., are all original sins. Their infirmities of body, soul, and spirit are their own, not mimicry of yours, not a caricature of your friend, your acquaintance, of your second-hand acquaintance, or anybody you have heard about, or even of some mere celebrity. If we hold up a mirror, it is to human nature, not to you.
The characters wish me to tell you that they are all Imaginary Persons, and therefore very sensitive. The persons of a drama are protected by footlights, by the stage doorkeeper, not to mention grease paint and scalps by an eminent artiste; but the characters in a novel are thrust defenseless into a rude world, with many reporters about. In a page fright, worse even than stage fright, their only comfort is that absence of body which is their alternative to your great gift,--presence of mind.
So they make their bow under a.s.sumed names. There we come to the point.
The proper names were all dealt out to worldly grasping persons, and not one was left unclaimed. The name department is like a cloak-room when the guests have departed, a train from which all pa.s.sengers have alighted, an office on Christmas day. Can you blame the characters in fiction who come after you, if they a.s.sume the n.o.blest names, such as Smith, and try to be worthy of their borrowed plumes? Surely you would not have them wear a numeral such as the number of your house, or telephone.
The chances are that they give you no offense. Suppose that gentlemen named Jesse Smith number one in each million of English-speaking people, there would be one hundred in North America, half of them adults, with a moiety in wedlock, and, of these twenty-five, a hundredth part may be stockmen, of whom say one per cent. have a flaw in their claim to wedlock. To this residuum, the .0025 part of a perfect gentleman, whom he has not the honor to know personally, our Mr. Smith tenders profound apologies.
But the Persons of the book, dear friends, who have filled two years of my life with happiness, are not only Imaginary People with a.s.sumed names, but they inhabit a district at variance with the maps, at a period not shown in earthly calendars. So far aloof from the world where they might give offense to earthly readers, they are outside the bounds of s.p.a.ce and time, and belong to that realm of Art where there is but one law, whereby they stand or fall, must live or die--fidelity to Life.
Your obedient servant,
THE AUTHOR.
A MAN IN THE OPEN
PART I
CHAPTER I
ON THE LABRADOR
_Dictated by Mr. Jesse Smith_
Don't you write anything down yet, 'cause I ain't ready.
If I wrote this yarn myself, I'd make it good and red from tip to tip, claws out, teeth bare, fur crawling with emotions. It wouldn't be dull, no, or evidence.
But then it's to please you, and that's what I'm for.
So I proceeds to stroke the fur smooth, lay the paws down soft, fold up the smile, and purr. A sort of truthfulness steals over me. Goin' to be dull, too.
No, I dunno how to begin. If this yarn was a rope, I'd coil it down before I begun to pay out. You lays the end, so, and flemish down, ring by ring until the bight's coiled, smooth, ready to flake off as it runs.
I delayed a lynching once to do just that, and relieve the patient's mind. It all went off so well!
When we kids were good, mother she used to own we came of pedigree stock; but when we're bad, seems we took after father. You see mother's folk was the elect, sort of born saved. They allowed there'd be room in Heaven for one hundred and forty-four thousand just persons, mostly from Nova Scotia, but when they took to sorting the neighbors, they'd get exclusive. The McGees were all right until Aunt Jane McGee up and married a venerable archdeacon, due to burn sure as a bishop. The Todds were through to glory, with doubts on Uncle Simon, who'd been a whaler captain until he found grace and opened a dry-goods store. Seeing he died in grace, worth all of ten thousand dollars, the heirs concluded the Lord should act reasonable, until they found uncle had left his wealth to charities. Then they put a text on his tomb--”For he had great possessions.”
The McAndrewses has corner lots in the New Jerusalem, and is surely the standard of morals until Cousin Abner went s.h.i.+ftless and wrote poems.