Part 40 (1/2)
He waited a moment, then said coolly: ”If you actually have any interest in what I'm doing-” and broke off with a shrug. At which she raised her eyes, waiting for him to go on.
”I went into an unattached company-The Westchester Horse-and some fool promised us incorporation with the 1st Cavalry and quick service. But the 1st filled up without us and went off. And a week ago we were sent off from White Plains Camp as K Company to”-he bit his lip and stared at her-”to-your friend Colonel Arran's regiment of lancers. We took the oath. Our captain, Hallam, selected me for his escort to-night. That is the simple solution of my being here. I didn't sneak down here to annoy you. I didn't know you were here.”
After a moment she raised her pallid face.
”Have you seen Colonel Arran?”
”No,” he said shortly.
”I-it would give me-pleasure-to recommend you to his-attention.
May I write--”
”Thank you, no.”
There was another painful interval of silence. Then:
”May I speak to Captain Hallam about you?”
”No, thank you!” he said contemptuously, ”I am currying no favours.”
Hurt, she shrank away, and the blood mounted to her temples.
”You see,” he said, ”I'm just a plain brute, and there's no use being kind to me.” He added in a lower voice, but deliberately: ”You once found out that.”
She quivered and straightened up.
”Yes,” she said, ”I found that out. I have paid very dearly for my-my-” But she could not continue.
Watching her, cap hanging in his gauntleted hand, he saw the colour deepen and deepen in neck and cheek, saw her eyes falter, and turn from him.
”Is there any forgiveness for me?” he said. ”I didn't ask it before-because I've still some sense of the ludicrous left in me-or did have. It's probably gone now, since I've asked if it is in you to pardon-” He shrugged again, deeming it useless; and she made no sign of comprehension.
For a while he stood, looking down at his cap, turning it over and over, thoughtfully.
”Well, then, Ailsa, you are very kind to offer what you did offer. But-I don't like Colonel Arran,” he added with a sneer, ”and I haven't any overwhelming admiration for Captain Hallam. And there you are, with your kindness and gentleness and-everything-utterly wasted on a dull, sordid brute who had already insulted you once... . Shall I leave your kitchen?”
”No,” she said faintly. ”I am going.”
He offered to open the door for her, but she opened it herself, stood motionless, turned, considered him, head high and eyes steady;
”You have killed in me, this night-this Christmas night-something that can never again l-live in me. Remember that in the years to come.”
”I'm sorry,” he said. ”That's the second murder I've attempted.
The other was your soul.”
Her eyes flashed.
”Even murderers show some remorse-some regret--”
”I do regret,” he said deliberately, ”that I didn't kill it... .