Part 9 (1/2)
”Youwhat ?”
Shay sat next to her, touching Tally's cheek with one finger. Tally opened her eyes. ”We don't have to look like everyone else, Tally, and act like everyone else. We've got a choice. We can grow up any way we want.”
Tally swallowed. She felt like speech was impossible, but knew she had to say something. She forced words from her dry throat. ”Not be pretty? That's crazy, Shay. All the times you talked that way, I thought you were just being stupid. Peris always said the same stuff.”
”Iwas just being stupid. But when you said I was afraid of growing up, you really made me think.”
”Imade you think?”
”Made me realize how full of c.r.a.p I was. Tally, I've got to tell you another secret.”
Tally sighed. ”Okay. I guess it can't get any worse.”
”My older friends, the ones I used to hang out with before I met you? Not all of them wound up pretty.”
”What do you mean?”
”Some of them ran away, like I am. Like I want us to.”
Tally looked into Shay's eyes, searching for some sign that this was all a joke. But the intense look on her face held firm. She was dead serious.
”You know someone who actually ran away?”
Shay nodded. ”I was supposed to go too. We had it all planned, about a week before the first of us turned sixteen. We'd already stolen survival gear, and told David that we were coming. It was all set up.
That was four months ago.”
”But you didn't...”
”Some of us did, but I chickened out.” Shay looked out the window. ”And I wasn't the only one. A couple of the others stayed and turned pretty instead. I probably would have too, except I met you.”
”Me?”
”All of a sudden I wasn't alone anymore. I wasn't afraid to go back out to the ruins, to look for David again.”
”But we never...” Tally blinked. ”You finally found him, didn't you?”
”Not until two days ago. I've been out every night since we...since our fight. After you said I was afraid to grow up, I realized you were right. I'd chickened out once, but I didn't have to again.”
Shay grasped Tally's hand, and waited until their eyes were locked. ”I want you to come, Tally.”
”No,” Tally said without thinking. Then she shook her head. ”Wait. How come you nevertold me any of this before?”
”I wanted to, except you would have thought I was crazy.”
”Youare crazy!”
”Maybe. But not that way. That's why I wanted you to meet David. So you'd know that it's all real.”
”It doesn't seem real. I mean, what is this place you're talking about?”
”It's just called the Smoke. It's not a city, and n.o.body's in charge. And n.o.body's pretty.”
”Sounds like a nightmare. And how do you get there, walk?”
Shay laughed. ”Are you kidding? Hoverboards, like always. There are long-distance boards that recharge on solar, and the route's all worked out to follow rivers and stuff. David does it all the time, as far as the ruins. He'll take us to the Smoke.”
”But how do peoplelive out there, Shay? Like the Rusties? Burning trees for heat and burying their junk everywhere? It's wrong to live in nature, unless you want to live like an animal.”
Shay shook her head and sighed. ”That's just school-talk, Tally. They've still got technology. And they're not like the Rusties, burning trees and stuff. But they don't put a wall up between themselves and nature.”
”And everyone's ugly.”
”Which means no one's ugly.”
Tally managed to laugh. ”Which means no one'spretty, you mean.”
They sat in silence. Tally watched the fireworks, feeling a thousand times worse than she had before Shay had appeared at the window.
Finally, Shay said the words Tally had been thinking. ”I'm going to lose you, aren't I?”
”You're the one who's running away.”
Shay brought her fists down onto her knees. ”It's all my fault. I should've told you earlier. If you'd had more time to get used to the idea, maybe...”
”Shay, I never would have gotten used to the idea. I don't want to be ugly all my life. I want those perfect eyes and lips, and for everyone to look at me and gasp. And for everyone who sees me to think Who's that? and want to get to know me, and listen to what I say.”
”I'd ratherhave something to say.”
”Like what? 'I shot a wolf today and ate it'?”
Shay giggled. ”People don't eat wolves, Tally. Rabbits, I think, and deer.”
”Oh, gross. Thanks for the image, Shay.”
”Yeah, I think I'll stick to vegetables and fish. But it's not about camping out, Tally. It's about becoming what I want to become. Not what some surgical committee thinks I should.”
”You're still yourself on the inside, Shay. But when you're pretty, people pay more attention.”
”Not everyone thinks that way.”
”Are you sure about that? That you can beat evolution by being smart or interesting? Because if you're wrong...if you don't come back by the time you're twenty, the operation won't work as well. You'll look wrong, forever.”
”I'm not coming back. Forever.”
Tally's voice caught, but she forced herself to say it: ”And I'm not going.”
They said good-bye under the dam.