Part 19 (1/2)

”That's the way to quench him!”

LXII.

WHAT f.a.n.n.y THINKS ABOUT SEWING MACHINES.

There's 'nothing new under the sun;'--so I've read, somewhere; either in Ecclesiastes or Uncle Tom's Cabin; but at any rate, I was forcibly reminded of the profound wisdom of the remark, upon seeing a great flourish of trumpets in the papers about a 'Sewing Machine,' that had been _lately invented_.

”Now if _I_ know anything of history, that discovery dates back as far as the Garden of Eden. If _Mrs. Adam_ wasn't _the first sewing machine, I'll give up guessing_. Didn't she go right to work making ap.r.o.ns, before she had done receiving her bridal calls from the beasts and beastesses? Certainly she did, and I honor her for it, too.

”Well--do you suppose all her pretty little descendants who ply their 'busy fingers' in the upper lofts of tailors, and hatters, and vest-makers, and 'finding' establishments, are going to be superseded by that dumb old thing? Do you suppose their young and enterprising patrons prefer the creaking of a crazy machine to the music of their young voices? Not by a great deal!

”It's something, I can tell you, for them to see their pretty faces light up, when they pay off their wages of a Sat.u.r.day night (small fee enough! too often, G.o.d knows!) Pity that the _s.h.i.+lling heart_ so often accompanies the _guinea means_.

”Oh, launch out, gentlemen! Don't _always_ look at things with a _business_ eye. Those fragile forms are young, to toil so unremittingly. G.o.d made no distinction of _s.e.x_ when he said--'The laborer is worthy of his hire.' Man's cupidity puts that interpretation upon it.

”Those young operatives in your employ, pa.s.s, in their daily walks, forms youthful as their own, 'clothed in purple and fine linen,' who '_toil not, neither do they spin_.' Oh, teach them not to look after their 'satin and sheen,' purchased at such a fearful cost, with a discouraged sigh!

”For one, I can never pa.s.s such a 'fallen angel' with a 'stand aside'

feeling. A neglected youth, an early orphanage, poverty, beauty, coa.r.s.e fare, the weary day of toil lengthened into night,--a mere pittance its reward. Youth, health, young blood, and the practised wile of the ready tempter! _Oh, where's the marvel?_

”_Think of all this_, when you poise that hardly earned dollar, on your business finger. What if it were your own delicate sister? Let a LITTLE heart creep into that shrewd bargain. 'Twill be an investment in the Bank of Heaven, that shall return to you four-fold.”

LXIII.

THE TIME TO CHOOSE.

Mrs. Chrissholm says:--”The best time to choose a wife is early in the morning. If a young lady is at all inclined to sulks and slatternness, it is just before breakfast. As a general thing, a woman don't get on her temper, till after 10 A. M.”

Very spiritedly f.a.n.n.y makes answer:--

”'_Men_ never look slovenly before breakfast--no indeed! Never run round vestless in their stocking-feet, with dressing-gown inside out; soiled hankerchief hanging by one corner out of the pocket; minus d.i.c.key; minus neck-tie; pantaloon straps flying at their heels; suspenders streaming from their waistband; chin shaved on one side, lathered on the other; last night's coat and pants on the floor, just where they hopped out of them; face snarled up in forty wrinkles, because the chamber fire won't burn; and because it snows; and because the office-boy hasn't been for the keys; and because the newspaper hasn't come; and because they smoked too many cigars _by one dozen_, the night before; and because they lost _that_ bet, and can't pay the _Scot-t_; and because there's an omelet instead of a chicken-leg for breakfast; and because they are out of sorts and shaving-soap; and out of cigars and credit; and can't _any how_ 'get their temper on,' till they get some money and a mint julap!

”Any time 'before 10 o'clock,' is the time to 'choose' a husband--_perhaps_!”

LXIV.

OUR NELLY.

This is one of f.a.n.n.y's sweet bits of pathos; so sweet, so pure, it would furnish an apology for half a volume of coa.r.s.e slang:--