Vol 9 Chapter 154 (2/2)

“In any case, there’s no use thinking about it anymore at this point.” Yuan Zhi said as she planted both hands on the table and sat up, cracking her neck as she did so, “Whether the enemy will attack is just a possibility but based on my a.n.a.lysis, I am sure that they will attack.”

“For sure?”

“Yes, they are the vanguard after all. To fulfill their purpose, they will do their best to increase the spoils of war. And there is a bit of pride and desire for personal glory at play here as well.” Yuan Zhi said and began to pack her stuff when she finished.

Though I said ‘stuff’, it was really just the things she used to store and drink her sugar water and the bag she used to wrap her gourd in. I have never really seen her using much other stuff, nor have I seen her with her sword usually.

“Xuan De.”

“Un?”

Just as I was thinking about random stuff, Yuan Zhi called out to me again. I looked over but saw that she was not looking at me. Instead, she was staring at her bandana which she had taken off.

As I looked at her, I could not help but to think back to how she looked in the market. Back then, she was also staring at the bandana in her hands with a despondent look. Now, I can say she does not look despondent but I can tell that she is feeling emotional nonetheless.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, feeling compelled to continue the conversation since she did not speak up after calling me, “Do you perhaps feel like there is more that you can do?”

“No, I think that this is the best I can do at my level. But…” Yuan Zhi shook her head and paused for a moment as she looked at her bandana, “Xuan De, do you have any ambitions?”

“Eh?”

I was rather stunned by Yuan Zhi’s sudden question that frankly came out of nowhere and was unsure how I ought to reply her. I have been asked this question often enough that I can answer it smoothly enough. The problem is that the people who have asked me this question before usually expect some sort of answer from me which I can normally detect from the exchange leading up to this question.

However, Yuan Zhi has not looked over nor has she expanded on this question. Her tone also has not implied anything at all so I have no idea what she is expecting from me for this question.

“Un… I do.” I said after thinking about it for a while, “I… Want to restore the Great Han.”

“Un, I thought so.” Yuan Zhi seemed to know what I was about to say and nodded as she put on her bandana.

I have to say I am feeling rather conflicted right now. Restoring the Great Han is supposed to be Liu Bei’s ambition. I do not know exactly what Liu Bei was thinking but that is what his ambition should be based on the actions he took in history.

Personally speaking, I really do not have any ambitions with respect to this era. I am not some main character in a light novel and I have no desire to conquer the world or create my own dynasty and the like.

To put it simply, I really have no idea. I do not know how things will go in future nor what I should do. One thing I do know is that the Battle of Red Cliff should be very close since I am already at Xinye. But the reality is that I cannot even predict what will happen in 3 days’ time with confidence.

Under these circ.u.mstances, how can an ordinary person like myself talk about ambitions?

… But is that really alright? I do not know why but I feel a little hollow. And this question is something that I have asked myself umpteen times over already. But no matter what, I just cannot find the drive or motivation in me to work hard and strive for something. Of course, being someone whose knowledge of the Three Kingdoms is rudimentary at best does not help at all.

Un? Just then, I found that Yuan Zhi was staring at me, “Yuan Zhi, what’s up?”

(TL: I am guessing this is one of the times that the MC’s inner monologue has leaked out though not all of it can be heard of course.)

“… No,” Yuan Zhi turned back and continued the previous conversation rather than reply my question, “To be honest, I don’t have any ambitions to speak of myself.”

“Eh? None at all?” I asked, feeling curious as she was a capable person and a hermit after all. Given this, she should have some ideas of her own that she wants to see happen.

“Could it be that you think they aren’t achievable?” I hazarded a guess. She might have chosen to remain a hermit until now because she felt that it was unachievable. But then again, that does not fly as she is here serving me now.

“I mean what I said. I really don’t have any ambitions.” Yuan Zhi shrugged as she adjusted her bandana, “My mother is still in in a labour camp in the border and my biggest wish is to bring her back. To do so, I will have to be a petty Imperial Court official.”

“You can do that just by being a perty official?”

“Yes, any petty official can apply to have family members transferred back from labour camps.” She nodded as she fiddled with her gourd. She was about to place it in her bag but then removed the cap and sniffed it as she continued, “I still stand by what I said before. I don’t think I’m outstanding at all, be it my swordsmans.h.i.+p or my intellect. Given my mediocrity, I believe I am only good enough to be a petty official and that is where I should be. I’m not asking for much. I just want a stable life without for want.”

“In that case…”

You should not have come here.

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