Vol 8 Chapter 49 (2/2)

But… As I looked at Yun Chang who still had her back to me, guilt filled my heart and I wondered if I ought to apologise and make amends to everyone first.

“Umm, Yun Chang, I’m really sorry about it.” Leaving aside whether it works or not, I feel that I should apologise first anyway. “Honestly, I didn’t have any–”

“Big brother, did you know? When I heard that Jiangxia was lost, I was very worried.” Yun Chang interrupted my clumsy explanation and continued, ” So when I came out and saw that big brother wasn’t there, I felt like my whole world had collapsed.”

“… Un.” All I could do was nod as I had no idea what I ought to say.

“I have never thought about life without big brother so when I heard that big brother had died, I felt completely lost.” As she said so, Yun Chang turned on her right heel and looked at me, “So when I saw big brother emerge from the shrubbery, instead of rage, what I felt was relief. ‘Ah, I’m so thankful big brother is still alive’ is what went through my mind.”

I looked at Yun Chang and saw that the corners of her lips were slightly curled upwards. But when I looked upwards, I could still see clear streaks from the tears before.

“I’m really sorry.” I bowed deeply and apologised. After listening to Yun Chang’s words and finding that she felt the same as I did for them, I finally realised how to express how I felt, “I was very worried about everyone during the entire expedition, about you, about Feng Xian. I was afraid you all might meet with mishaps and if any of you were to be injured or hurt, I’m not sure I can take it.”

“Eh? Really?” For some reason, Yun Chang seemed flabbergasted at my answer as her mouth opened wide which I thought was a very normal one.

“Is there anything strange about it?”

“Ah, no. I just felt that it sounded a little too exaggerated.”

“I’m serious.”

Yes, I genuinely care and worry for every one of my companions. It might seem a little exaggerated but this is how I truly feel.

I have lived in this era for close to a year now and have been through many events and have met with many people. Personal experiences trump what I had in the modern era through books and video games by far.

When playing video games, perhaps I might pay attention to generals or officials who are more outstanding and wave away all the generic characters. When reading books, I wouldn’t feel pained at anyone’s death.

But right now, it has become my reality. Everyone I’ve met is not a faceless generic mob. They all have flesh and blood, and complex feelings. Some of them ay be a little weird, but this only deepens my impression of them.

Along the way, I’ve picked up some companions. Isn’t it natural to be saddened if I were to lose any of them? Perhaps I wouldn’t lose sleep over the death of those whose strength do not match up to the likes of Yun Chang or Feng Xian?

No, I don’t think so. This feeling has become even more resolute after this expedition to Jiangxia with the 3 less famous characters and after meeting with Huang Zu and the rest.

(TL: Chen Dao is actually a big name in history but was culled from the story as he was deemed to have too much character overlap with Zhao Yun. Chen Gong was a small fry to be honest. Zhou Cang wasn’t exactly a generic though.)

Capability does not matter when it comes to one’s companions. They are all important, and distinctions only come into play in books and video games.

“… Alright, I don’t know why, but I always feel like big brother truly means what he says sometimes.” Yun Chang finally said after looking at me for a long while.

“I do mean what I say.” I smiled bitterly as I gauged her reaction, “Then are you willing to forgive me?”

“Keke,” She laughed at my question, “There’s nothing to forgive. I wasn’t angry to begin with– Un, maybe a little. Making you all clean up is just to teach you all a lesson not to go overboard with jokes again.”

“… Hu, that’s great.” I could finally rest easy after hearing Yun Chang’s words.”

“Un? Could it be that big brother has been worried that I might be mad since a while ago?”

“Yes, and not just you, I’m worried that everyone else might be mad as well.” I said as I turned and looked at the rest, “I need to personally apologise to every one of them when I return from the banquet.”

“No need for that, no need for that.” Yun Chang said as she patted my shoulder.

“I don’t think they’re angry at you, they’re just being moody with big brother.”

“Moody? Because of the prank?”

Yun Chang glanced at me and paused for a moment before she continued, “Un… Half of it, yes.”

“And the other half?”

“Ah yes, the other half would be because you only bought hairbands for Lord Chen Dao and the other 2.”

Eh!!! They found out about that already?!

“Umm… That… I should have brought back some souvenirs…” I stammered, not sure what I ought to say.

“Souvenirs?” Yun Chang returned with a question.

“Eh? Am I wrong?”

“… Alright, I understand.” Yun Chang’s look of surprise turned to understanding. What did she understand?

“It’s fine. I don’t feel very strongly about this as I have the green coat armour big brother chose for me after all.” Yun Chang muttered. I could hear this but I didn’t know what she meant by this and Yun Chang didn’t seem to want me to know either, “Big brother should hurry along to the banquet. No need to worry yourself with the matters over here.”

“Ah… Alright.” I don’t quite understand, but in conclusion, it seems like everyone isn’t mad at me. Well, it’s not like I can think of a solution if I continue to think anyway.

I’m rather dumb in the area of relations with women after all. So it’s best I avoid thinking too much about this.

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