Part 19 (1/2)
At sight of him, Friar Rodriguez yawning, murmured:
”Dreams of my fertile imagin--!”
The vision did not permit him to finish the exclamation, but gave him a whack between the shoulders.
”Eh! This is no joke!” exclaimed Friar Rodriguez, stroking with one hand the afflicted part while with the other he rubbed his eyes.
”I see! It is no dream! But partner!”
Incensed at such familiarity, the strange personage began poking Friar Rodriguez severely with his crosier on the stomach. The latter, satisfied by this time that the thras.h.i.+ng was in earnest, exclaimed:
”Here! Here! Friar Pedro (Peter)--Is that the way you cancel indulgencies? That was not the agreement.”
The strange Bishop, aroused to a high pitch of anger, stopped his poking and started to knock Friar Rodriguez on the head, believing it to be a more sensitive part. Unfortunately, Friar Rodriguez's head was too hard for anything, and the crosier fell, broken in two pieces. At last! said the poor friar, who, pale and deadly frightened, had fallen on his knees and was trying to creep away on all fours.
At sight of his pitiful condition, the stranger seeded satisfied, and, placing on a table the broken crosier, said with contempt:
”h.o.m.o sine homine, membra sine spiritu! Et iste appellatur filius meus!”
At the sound of that potent voice and language, unknown to him, Friar Rodriguez appeared confounded. The stranger could not be Friar Pedro (Peter) nor any brother in disguise! Impossible!
”Et tamen (the stranger continued), tanta est vanita vestra, ut ante me Patrem vestrum--sed video, loguor et non audis!”
And shaking in disgust his head, the vision continued speaking in Castillian, but with a foreign accent.
”And are you they who call themselves my sons? Has your haughtiness reached such a degree that you not only pretend to be feared and wors.h.i.+ped by governors and governed, but neither recognize nor respect me, whose name you dishonor, and whose condignity you abuse? How do I find you? Insolent with the unfortunate and cowardly towards those who do not fear you! Surge et audi!”
His voice was so imperative and his command so expressive, that Friar Rodriguez, although shaking with tremor, made every effort to stand against a corner of the room.
Moved by this proof of obedience, so rarely found amongst those who make a vow of humility, the stranger, full of contempt, repressed a sigh and proceeded in a more familiar manner, but without losing dignity.
”For you and for your nonsense I have been obliged to leave that region, and come here! And what trouble I had to distinguish and find you amongst the others! With but little difference, you are all alike. 'Empty heads and replete stomachs!' _Up There_, they did not cease to tease me about you all and most especially on your account. It was useless to appear unconcerned. It was not only Lopez de Recalde (Ignatius of Loyole) who with his eternal smile and humble looks made fun of me; nor Domingo (Dominic) with his aristocratic pretensions and little stars of false jewelry on his forehead, who laughed at me; but even the great simpleton of Francisco (Francis), do you understand? tried to poke fun at me; at me, who has thought, argued and written more than all of them together!
”Your order is great and powerful,” said Ignatius, bending his head. ”It resembles one of the Egyptian pyramids; great at the base (you are the base), but the higher it goes the smaller it becomes--what a difference between the base and the apex!” he murmured, while walking away. ”Doctor,” said Dominic, ”why did you not do with your science as I did with the n.o.bility I left as inheritance to my sons? We would all be better off!”
”Mon ami, came and said Francis. If G.o.d should order me again to earth, to preach as before amongst brutes and animals, I would preach in your convents.” And after saying this he roared in such a manner that although small and thin, it seemed as though he would burst.
”In vain I answered them that their sons were no better than you are, and that were we to look for skeletons in the closets, we had better wall every crevice. But of no use. How could I argue against three, moreover, having you to defend! Three, did I say? Why! Even Peter, the old fisherman, attracted by the laughter, left his porter's lodge and came to upbraid me for the trick you have played on his priests, taking away from them all their parishes, regardless of the fact that they had been in these islands long before you, and that they were the first to baptise in Cebu and in Luzon.
”Of course,” he said, ”as my sons are lazy and in dissension among themselves, and yours lie and shout louder, they make themselves believed by the ignorant. But I shall be glad when my descendants are extinct.”
”And so shall I! And I! I wish it was all over with mine!” shouted at once several voices.
”But old Peter's revenge did not stop at that. Yesterday he played a hard joke on me. He not only confiscated a package that a Tagalo [5] brought with him, but instead of directing him to the imbecile's department, he took him where we all were. The poor Tagalo carried with him a large collection of little books written by you, which were given him by his Priest, who told him they represented so much indulgency for his next life. As soon as the Indian had arrived everyone _Up There_ knew he had brought books written by an Augustinian monk, and they were s.n.a.t.c.hed away. I tried to hide myself, but I could not. What laughter and what jokes! The little angels came in a body; the Celestial Father's Orchestra lost its time; the Virgins, instead of watching their music sheets read the books and sang most discordantly, and even old Anthony's little pig began grunting and twisting his tail.
”I felt ashamed; I could see every one point their finger at me and laugh. But, in spite of all this Zarathustra, the grave and serious Zarathustra, did not laugh. With a humiliating pride he asked me:
”'Is that your son, he who pretends that my religion is paganish, and that I am a pagan? Have your sons degenerated to such a degree as to confound my pure religion, root of the most perfect creeds, with Polytheism and Idolatry? Do they know that paganism is derived from pagani, which means inhabitant of the fields, who always were faithful to the Greek and Roman Polytheism? You may answer that they do not know Latin! If so, make then speak more modestly. Tell them that paga.n.u.s comes from pagus, from which the words pages, payes, paien, paese, pais (country), are derived. Tell those unfortunate that the Zend-Avesta religion was never professed by the rural inhabitants of the Roman country. Tell them that my religion is monotheist, even more so than the Roman Catholic religion, which not only accepted the dualism of my creed, but has deified several creatures. Tell them that Paganism in its widest and most corrupted sense, duly meant Polytheism; that neither my religion nor that of Moses nor Mohammed were ever Pagan religions. Tell them to read your own works, where in every page you refer to the Pagans. Repeat to them that which you said in speaking of the religion of the Manechees (a corruption of my doctrine by you professed) which influenced your works and prevails yet in your religion, and which at one time caused the Roman Catholic Church to vacillate. Yes: I linked the principle of Good and Evil together--Ahura-Mazda; G.o.d! But this is not to admit of two G.o.ds, as you, yourself said. To speak of health and sickness is not to admit two healths. And what? Have they not copied my principle of evil in Satan, prince of darkness? Tell them that if they do not know Latin to at least study the religions, since they fail to recognize the true one!'
”Thus spoke Zarathustra, or Zoroaster. Then, Voltaire--Voltaire, who had heard what you were saying about his death, accosted me, and grasping me by the hand, effusively thanked me.