Part 14 (1/2)

LENORE: Maybe it just makes no sense. Maybe it's just completely irrational and dumb.

JAY: But obviously it bothers you.

LENORE: Pretty keen perception. If there's nothing about me but what can be said about me, what separates me from this lady in this story Rick got who eats junk food and gains weight and squashes her child in her sleep? She's exactly what's said about her, right? Nothing more at all. And same with me, seems like. Gramma says she's going to show me how a life is words and nothing else. Gramma says words can kill and create. Everything.

JAY: Sounds like Gramma is maybe half a bubble off plumb, to me. LENORE: Well, just no. She's not crazy and she's sure not stupid. You should know that. And see, the thing is, if she can do all this to me with words, if she can make me feel this way, and perceive my life as screwed way up and not hung together, and question whether I'm really even me, if there is a me, crazy as that sounds, if she can do all that just by talking to me, with just words, then what does that say about words?

JAY: ”... she said, using words.”

LENORE: Well exactly. There it is. Lenore would totally agree. Which is why it sometimes just drives me nuts that Rick wants to talk talk all the time. Talk talk talk. Tell tell tell. At least when he tells me stories, it's up-front and clear what's story and what isn't, right? all the time. Talk talk talk. Tell tell tell. At least when he tells me stories, it's up-front and clear what's story and what isn't, right?

JAY: I'm getting a scent.

LENORE: I don't think the armpit theory should be rejected out of hand.

JAY: Why is a story more up-front than a life?

LENORE: It just seems more honest, somehow.

JAY: Honest meaning closer to the truth?

LENORE: I smell trap.

JAY: I smell breakthrough. The truth is that there's no difference between a life and a story? But a life pretends to be something more? But it really isn't more?

LENORE: I would kill for a shower.

JAY: What have I said? What have I said? I've said that hygiene anxiety is what?

LENORE: According to whom?

JAY: Ejection remains an option. Don't misdirect so transparently. According to me and to my truly great teacher, Olaf Blentner, the pioneer of hygiene anxiety research....

LENORE: Hygiene anxiety is ident.i.ty anxiety.

JAY: I am gagging on the stench of breakthrough.

LENORE: I've been having digestive trouble, too, really, so don't.... JAY: Shut up. So comparisons between real life and story make you feel hygiene anxiety, a.k.a. ident.i.ty anxiety. Plus the fact that delightfully nice and helpful Lenore Senior, whose temporary little junket I must say does not exactly fill me with grief, indoctrinates you on the subject of words and their extra-linguistic efficacy. Do some math for me, here, Lenore.

LENORE: Wrongo. First of all, Gramma's whole thing is that there's no such thing as extra-linguistic efficacy, extra-linguistic anything. anything. And also, what's with this throwing around words like ”indoctrinates” and ”efficacy”? Which Rick uses on me all the time, too? How come you and Rick not only always say the same things to me, but the same words? Are you a team? Do you fill him in on this stuff? Is this why he's so completely uncharacteristically cool about not asking me what goes on in here? Are you an unethical psychologist? Do you tell? And also, what's with this throwing around words like ”indoctrinates” and ”efficacy”? Which Rick uses on me all the time, too? How come you and Rick not only always say the same things to me, but the same words? Are you a team? Do you fill him in on this stuff? Is this why he's so completely uncharacteristically cool about not asking me what goes on in here? Are you an unethical psychologist? Do you tell?

JAY: Listen to this will you. Aside from the me-being-terribly-hurt issue, why this obsession with whether people are telling telling all the time? Why is telling robbing control? all the time? Why is telling robbing control?

LENORE: I don't know. What time is it?

JAY: Don't you feel a difference between your life and a telling? LENORE: Maybe just a little water out of that pitcher, there, in either armpit....

JAY: Well?

LENORE: No, I guess not really.

JAY: How come? How come?

Lenore Beadsman pauses.

JAY: How come?

LENORE: What would the difference be?

JAY: Speak up, please.

LENORE: What would the difference be?

JAY: What?

LENORE: What would the difference be?

JAY: I don't believe this. Blentner would twirl. You don't feel a difference?

LENORE: OK, exactly, but what's ”feeling,” then?

JAY: The smell is overpowering. I can't stand it. Just let me tie this hankie over my nose, here.

LENORE: Flake.

JAY: (m.u.f.fled) (m.u.f.fled) Who cares about defining it? Can't you feel it? You can Who cares about defining it? Can't you feel it? You can feel feel the way your life is; who can feel the life of the junk-food lady in Rick's story? the way your life is; who can feel the life of the junk-food lady in Rick's story?

LENORE: She She can! can! She She can! can!

JAY: Are you nuts?

LENORE: She can if it's in the story that she can. Right? It says she feels such incredible grief over squas.h.i.+ng her baby that she lapses into a coma, so she does and does.

JAY: But that's not real.

LENORE: It seems to be exactly as real as it's said to be.

JAY: Maybe it is your armpit, after all.

LENORE: I'm outta here.

JAY: Wait.

LENORE: Hit the chair-start b.u.t.ton, Dr. Jay.