Part 3 (2/2)
”Gentlemen,” said he to his cabin pa.s.sengers, ”for the love of Heaven, tax your invention to discover some means whereby to get one-half of these men out of the vessel, otherwise it will be impossible that we can sail to-day. I have already proffered to take one-half of them by lot, but they will not hear of it; and how to manage I am sure I don't know.”
The matter, however, was beyond their depth; the thing seemed utterly impracticable, and the chances of their putting to sea were becoming fainter and fainter.
”Bl--t their eyes!” he at length exclaimed, ”the ragged, hungry devils!
If they heard me with decency I could bear their obstinacy bettor: but no, they must turn me into ridicule, and break their jests, and turn their cursed barbarous grins upon me in my own vessel. I say, boys,”
he added, proceeding to address them once more--”I say, savages, I have just three observations to make. The first is,”--
”Arrah, Captain, avourneen, hadn't you betther get upon a stool,” said a voice, ”an' put a text before it, thin divide it dacently into three halves, an' make a sarmon of it.”
”Captain, you wor intended for the church,” added another. ”You're the moral (* model) of a Methodist preacher, if you wor dressed in black.”
”Let him alone,” said a third; ”he'd be a jinteel man enough in a wildherness, an' 'ud make an illigant dancin'-masther to the bears.”
”He's as graceful as a shaved pig on its hind legs, dancin' the 'Balt.i.thrum Jig.'”
The captain's face was literally black with pa.s.sion: he turned away with a curse, which produced another huzza, and swore that he would rather encounter the Bay of Biscay in a storm, than have anything to do with such an unmanageable mob.
”Captain,” said a little, shrewd-looking Connaught man, ”what 'ud you be willin' to give anybody, ower an' abow his free pa.s.sage, that 'ud tell you how to get one half o' them out?”
”I'll give him a crown,” replied the captain, ”together with grog and rations to the eyes: I'll be hanged if I don't.”
”Then I'll do it fwhor you, sir, if you keep your word wit me.”
”Done!” said the captain; ”it's a bargain, my good fellow, if you accomplish it; and, what's more, I'll consider you a knowing one.”
”I'm a poor Cannaught man, your haner,” replied our friend Phil; ”but what's to prevent me thryin'? Tell thim,” he continued, ”that you must go; purtind to be for takin' thim all wit you, sir. Put Munster agin Connaught, one-half on this side, an' the odher an that, to keep the crathur of a s.h.i.+p steady, your haner; an' fwhin you have thim half an' half, wit a little room betuxt thim, 'now,' says yer haner, 'boys, you're divided into two halves; if one side kicks the other out o' the s.h.i.+p, I'll bring the conquirors.'”
The captain said not a word in reply to Phil, but immediately ranged the Munster and Connaught men on each side of the deck--a matter which he found little difficulty in accomplis.h.i.+ng, for each party, hoping that he intended to take themselves, readily declared their province, and stood together. When they were properly separated, there still remained about forty or fifty persons belonging to neither province; but, at Phil's suggestion, the captain paired them off to each division, man for man, until they were drawn up into two bodies.
”Now” said he, ”there you stand: let one-half of you drub the other out of the vessel, and the conquerors shall get their pa.s.sage.”
Instant was the struggle that ensued for the sake of securing a pa.s.sage, and from the anxiety to save a s.h.i.+lling, by getting out of Liverpool on that day. The saving of the s.h.i.+lling is indeed a consideration with Paddy which drives him to the various resources of begging, claiming kindred with his resident countrymen in England, pretended illness, coming to be pa.s.sed from parish to parish, and all the turnings and s.h.i.+ftings which his reluctance to part with money renders necessary.
Another night, therefore, and probably another day, in Liverpool, would have been attended with expense. This argument prevailed with all: with Munster as well as with Connaught, and they fought accordingly.
When the attack first commenced, each, party hoped to be able to expel the other without blows. This plan was soon abandoned. In a few minutes the sticks and fists were busy. Throttling, tugging, cuffing, and knocking down--shouting, hallooing, huzzaing, and yelling, gave evident proofs that the captain, in embracing Phil's proposal, had unwittingly applied the match to a mine, whose explosion was likely to be attended with disastrous consequences. As the fight became warm, and the struggle more desperate, the hooks and scythes were resorted to; blood began to flow, and men to fall, disabled and apparently dying. The immense crowd which had now a.s.sembled to witness the fight among the Irishmen, could not stand tamely by, and see so many lives likely to be lost, without calling in the civil authorities. A number of constables in a few minutes attended; but these worthy officers of the civil authorities experienced very uncivil treatment from the fists, cudgels, and sickles of both parties. In fact, they were obliged to get from among the rioters with all possible celerity, and to suggest to the magistrates the necessity of calling ir the military.
In the meantime the battle rose into a furious and bitter struggle for victory. The deck of the vessel was actually slippery with blood, and many were lying in an almost lifeless state. Several were pitched into the hold, and had their legs and arms broken by the fall; some were tossed over the sides of the vessel, and only saved from drowning by the activity of the sailors; and not a few of those who had been knocked down in the beginning of the fray were trampled into insensibility.
The Munster men at length gave way; and their opponents, following up their advantage, succeeded in driving them to a man out of the vessel, just as the military arrived. Fortunately their interference was unnecessary. The ruffianly captain's object was accomplished; and as no lives were lost, nor any injury more serious than broken bones and flesh-wounds sustained, he got the vessel in readiness, and put to sea.
Who would not think that the Irish were a nation of misers, when our readers are informed that all this bloodshed arose from their unwillingness to lose a s.h.i.+lling by remaining in Liverpool another night? Or who could believe that these very men, on reaching home, and meeting their friends in a fair or market, or in a public-house after ma.s.s on a Sunday, would sit down and spend, recklessly and foolishly, that very money which in another country they part with as if it were their very heart's blood? Yet so it is! Unfortunately, Paddy is wiser anywhere than at home, where wisdom, sobriety, and industry are best calculated to promote his own interests.
This slight sketch of Phil Purcel we have presented to our readers as a specimen of the low, cunning Connaught-man; and we have only to add, that neither the pig-selling scene, nor the battle on the deck of the vessel in Liverpool, is fict.i.tious. On the contrary, we have purposely kept the tone of our description of the latter circ.u.mstance beneath the reality. Phil, however, is not drawn as a general portrait, but as one of that knavish cla.s.s of men called ”jobbers,” a description of swindlers certainly not more common in Ireland than in any other country. We have known Connaughtmen as honest and honorable as it was possible to be; yet there is a strong prejudice entertained against them in every other province of Ireland, as is evident by the old adage, ”Never trust a Connaugtaman.”
THE GEOGRAPHY OF AN IRISH OATH.
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