Part 22 (1/2)
I shook my head.
”Even then I cannot guess.”
Then she began to tremble. She grasped the edge of the seat with her hand so that I should not see how she shook.
”Jeff,” she said, in a low voice, ”if you never want to see me again--I can't blame you if you don't--not after this.”
I waited.
”Not that I shouldn't always, always love you. It will be my punishment--I shall have to bear it.”
Still I waited.
”Yesterday it was you who offered it--now it's me--it will serve me right.”
I thought she would never go on. ”You mean our engagement, of course?” I said.
”Yes,” she gulped.
”Why?” I asked suddenly.
”Because--because of what I've been beast enough to believe of you, Jeff.”
”And that is----”
As I again waited for her to speak I looked round the courtyard. A clerk was at work in a first-floor window, and he caught my eye and looked away again. In another window an office boy stood with a pen in his mouth, turning the pages of a ledger. Then, after a while, and very disjointedly, Kitty went on:
”They said you said it yourself, and I--at first I didn't--but then I believed it. I know I was beastly about it once before--then we quarrelled--but I didn't mean what I said then--believe me, I didn't....
And,” she went on, ”I didn't know who--who--it was.... She never told me--you know what I mean.... I hate myself--now. I suppose I'm jealous--the green-eyed monster, Jeff--but they did say it--said you'd as much as said so yourself--and----”
I was beginning to get impatient with her rambling.
I said ”And what?” but I don't think she heard me.
”So that's why I went to Louie herself--to ask her--right out----”
All at once I felt it coming.
”Well?”
But suddenly she buried her face in her hands, and her thin shoulders shook. Again I saw the clerk watching....
”Oh!” she moaned. ”Can you ever, _ever_ forgive me?”
”For----”
”For ever thinking that you and Louie--that you and Louie----”