Part 9 (1/2)

Wilt In Nowhere Tom Sharpe 82840K 2022-07-22

'You tell them how. The police can't get near the place. They've had the National Guard and helicopters and...'

But Wally Immelmann was no longer listening. He'd had another infarct. As he was rushed back to Intensive Care, Dr Cohen left the hospital. He was a kindly man and gays could do what they liked but s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g wives a.n.a.lly when they didn't like it disgusted him.

At the Starfighter Mansion things weren't much better. Auntie Joan had taken to her bed and had locked the door, only unlocking it to go down to the kitchen to get her breakfast, lunch and dinner. She and Eva were hardly on speaking terms and the quads had taken over Uncle Wally's computer and were sending email messages to all their friends and a number of obscene ones to all recipients on his business address list. Eva, who knew nothing about computers and was in any case too worried about her Henry, left them to their own and Uncle Wally's devices. She spent her time on the phone to England calling up friends, even Mavis Mottram, to find out where he'd got to. n.o.body knew.

'But he can't just have disappeared. That's not possible.'

'No, dear, and I didn't say he'd disappeared,' said Mavis with mock sympathy. 'I just said n.o.body knew where he was.'

'But that's the same as saying he's disappeared,' said Eva, who had learnt some elements of logic from Wilt during their frequent arguments. 'You said n.o.body knows where he is. Someone has to know. I mean, he may have gone on holiday with the Braintrees. Have you tried them?'

At the other end of the line Mavis took a deep breath. She had always found Eva difficult to deal with and she wasn't prepared to be grilled by her now.

'No,' she said. 'I haven't. For the simple reason that I don't know their address or if they have gone on holiday and I'm hardly likely to know where they've gone.'

'They always take a cottage in Norfolk for a month in the summer.'

This time Mavis didn't breathe deeply. She snorted. 'Then why don't you phone them?' she snapped.

'Because I don't know where the cottage is. All I do know is that it's in Norfolk somewhere on the coast.'

'Norfolk?' squawked Mavis. 'If you seriously think I'm going to start searching cottages along the entire coast of Norfolk...well, it's out of the question. Why don't you phone the hospitals and the police? They've usually kept an eye on your Henry. Ask for Missing Persons.'

All in all it was a most disagreeable and acrimonious exchange, and it ended with Mavis putting the phone down without saying goodbye. Eva tried the house again but all she got was her own voice on the answerphone. Apart from the quads, and she wasn't going to worry them, Eva had no one to consult. Upstairs Auntie Joan could be heard snoring. She'd taken another sleeping pill and washed it down with Jack Daniels. Eva went out to the kitchen. At least there she could talk to Maybelle, the black maid, and tell her her problems. Even that didn't help. Maybelle's experience with men was even worse than Eva's.

'Men's all the same. The second you turn your back they's off like alley cats chasing other girls.'

'But my Henry's not like that. He's...well, he's different from other men. And he's definitely not gay, if that's what you're thinking.' Maybelle had raised her eyebrows significantly. 'It's just that he's not really interested in s.e.x,' Eva confided.

'Then he's gotta be different. Never met a man like that in all my life. That Mr Immelmann sure isn't. I reckon that's how come his heart's so bad.' She looked out the window. 'There's those men again. I don't know what they think they're doing snooping round the house all the time. And Mrs Joanie's lost her voice or something. Comes down and gets herself some ice cream and brownies and goes on back up to her room and never a word out of her. Guess she's all upset over Mr Immelmann being took bad.'

Up at the lake a blessed silence reigned. A special squad of totally deaf Gulf War veterans had been recruited to destroy the generator with explosives. Even then they had found the task difficult and had had to use clothing that looked like s.p.a.cesuits to get near the thing. But in the end they had succeeded. The loudspeakers went dead and the Drug Squad moved in and ransacked the place. They found nothing more incriminating than a stack of p.o.r.no videos hidden in Wally's safe. But by the time they left, the house looked as though it had been vandalised.

Chapter 22.

But it was in the Starfighter Mansion in Wilma that the real battle was about to begin. Auntie Joanie had woken from her pill-induced sleep determined to visit Wally and had driven down to the hospital only to learn that he was in Intensive Care and could see no one. Dr Cohen and the chief cardiologist broke the news to her.

'He's not unconscious but his condition is exceedingly grave. We're thinking of having him transferred to the South Atlanta Heart Clinic,' the cardiologist told her.

'But that's where they do heart transplants!' Joanie shrieked. 'He can't be that bad.'

'It's just that we haven't the facilities here in Wilma. He'll be a heap better off at the Clinic.'

'Well, I'm going there with him. I'm not having him have a heart transplant without my being with him.'

'No one is talking about a heart transplant, Mrs Immelmann. It's just that he'll get the best treatment possible down there.'

'I don't care!' she screamed inconsequentially. 'I'm going to be with him to the end. You can't stop me.'

'n.o.body's going to stop you. You're ent.i.tled to go where you like, but I won't take responsibility for the consequences,' said the cardiologist and ended the argument by going back to Intensive Care.

As she drove back to the Starfighter Mansion in a blazing temper she made up her mind what she was going to do. Tell Eva to get herself and her brats out of the house.

'I'm going down to Atlanta with Wally!' she shouted. 'And you're going back to England and I never want to see you, any of you, ever again. Pack up and go.'

For once Eva agreed with her. The visit had been a disaster and besides, she was frantically worried about Henry. She should never have left him alone. He was bound to have got into trouble without her. She told the quads to pack their things and get ready to leave. But they had heard Auntie Joan shouting and were way ahead of her. The only problem was how to get to the airport. Eva put the question to Auntie Joan when she stormed downstairs.

'Get a b.l.o.o.d.y cab, you b.i.t.c.h,' she snapped.

'But I haven't the money,' said Eva pathetically.

'Oh, G.o.d. Never mind. Anything to get you out of the house.' She went to the phone and called the cab company and presently the Wilts were on their way. The quads said nothing. They knew better than to talk when Eva was in this sort of mood.

In the Surveillance Truck Murphy and Palowski were uncertain what to do. No trace of any drug had been detected in the effluent coming from the Starfighter Mansion. Wally Immelmann's heart attack had made the situation even more difficult and what they had seen and heard in the house didn't suggest any activity connected with drugs. Domestic murder seemed more likely.

'Best call Atlanta and tell them the sumo with quadruplets is coming and let them decide the action,' said Murphy.

'Affirmative,' Palowski agreed. He'd forgotten how to say yes.

Chapter 23.

In Ipford General Hospital Wilt still hadn't come round. He'd been moved from the corridor to make room for six youngsters injured in the pig inferno. Finally after forty-eight hours Wilt was taken into X-ray and diagnosed as suffering from severe concussion and three badly bruised ribs, but there was no sign of a fractured skull. From there he was wheeled to what was called the Neurological Ward. As usual it was full.

'Of course it was a crime,' said the Duty Sergeant grumpily when the doctor at the hospital phoned the police station to ask what exactly had happened. 'The b.u.g.g.e.r was mugged and dumped unconscious in the street behind the New Estate. What he was doing there we've no idea. Probably drunk or...well, your guess is as good as mine. He wasn't wearing any trousers. Being in that district he was asking for it.'

'Any ident.i.ty?' the doctor asked.

'One of our men saw him and thought he recognised him as a lecturer at the Tech. Name of Wilt. Mr Henry Wilt. He taught Communications Studies and'

'So what's his address? Oh, never mind, you can inform his relatives he's been mugged and is in Ipford Hospital.' And he rang off angrily.

In his office Inspector Flint leapt to his feet and barged into the pa.s.sage. 'Did I hear you say 'Henry Wilt'?'

The Sergeant nodded. 'He's up at the hospital. Been mugged according to some quack who...'

But Flint was no longer listening. He hurried down to the police station car park and headed for the hospital.