Part 33 (1/2)

I nodded my head.

”There's the way of succ.u.mbing like, and going into hysterics, and making no end of a scene, and the man stays on all the same, and the neighbours get wind of it, and the ruin's complete in no time, so to speak. 'Taint nothing much of a bill that's owed to Pattens, and even if half of it was to be paid, I have not the slightest doubt that Pattens would take me out and give you a bit more time; but there's no use in quarrelling with me, nor telling me to go, for go I won't, and can't. I had my orders, and I'm the man in possession. You have got to face that fact, miss.”

”But you spoke of two ways,” I said. ”What is the way which is not--not quite so hopeless?”

”Ah!” said the man, rubbing his hands, ”now, we are coming to our senses, we are. Now I can manage matters fine.”

I glanced at the clock. It was already seven o'clock, and we dined at half-past. The air outside seemed to grow heavier and heavier, and the sky to grow darker, and I expected the thunder to roll, and the lightning to flash at any moment: but what did external things matter.

There was a storm in my heart which kept out the sound, and the meaning of external storms.

”Mother! mother!” I kept murmuring under my breath, ”this will kill you, mother. O Mother! and it has been my fault. My wild, wild scheme has come to this!”

I felt so ill, that I could scarcely keep upright, and yet I could not sit in the presence of that man. The next moment everything in the room seemed to go round, and I was obliged to totter towards a chair.

I think I lost consciousness, for when I came to myself, I found the little dirty greasy man had brought me a gla.s.s of water, and was standing near.

”You pluck up heart, child,” he said, ”there now, you're better. This is not the first nor the second time I have been in a house as big as this, and just as grand and full of visitors, and everything seemingly as right as possible, and the house undermined. I've seen scores of times like this, and pretty misses, like you, cut to the heart. It's a nasty trade is mine, but we all must live, my dear, and I'm truly sorry for you, and now, if you'll just let me advise you?”

”What?” I asked, ”what?”

”You don't want the guests to know as I'm here?”

”Of course not.”

”I must stay, and the servants had better know as little about me as possible. Of course, they have seen me already, but anyhow it is a sort of disguise that is commonly managed, and I had better do it.”

”What do you mean?” I cried.

”My son, Robert, will be round directly. He often comes to me when I am in possession; I expect by the same token that's his ring I hear now. If you'll give me five s.h.i.+llings, miss, I'll do just what you want, and n.o.body need guess.”

”But what? what?” I asked.

”Bob is bringing me my servant's livery, miss, and I'll attend at table to-night as your new man-servant. I look extremely well in livery, and I have often attended in the houses of gentry just as grand as yourself. Have you got five s.h.i.+llings in your pocket, miss?

I have to earn my bread, and I can't do it for less. n.o.body will guess who I am, and why I am here, if you'll give me that five s.h.i.+llings.”

”Take it, take it,” I cried. I thrust two half-crowns into his palm, and fled from the room. In the hall I found that I had run almost into the arms of Mr. Fanning.

”Why, Miss Wickham,” he cried. He caught my hand to keep me from falling; ”why, my dear, what is the matter?” he said then; there was a world of affection and sympathy in his voice, but I hated him for speaking to me thus.

”I have been feeling ill,” I said, ”I cannot go down to dinner.”

”But what is wrong?” he said. He backed towards the dining-room door, and I did not want him to go in. He was so sharp; he would know at once what that little greasy man meant. I knew by his manner, and by hints that his mother had dropped, that they were both of them by no means in the dark with regard to our affairs. He must not go into the dining-room.

”Don't go in; come upstairs with me,” I said.

”Oh, that I will, with pleasure,” he answered, delighted at my tone, ”and if you are really ill we must get the doctor. We cannot allow you to be really ill, you know, that would never do. I am very fond of nice girls like you; but they must keep their health, oh yes, they must. Now you are better, that is right. It's this horrid air, and the storm coming on. You want the country. It's wonderfully fresh at Highgate; splendid air; so bracing. I have been out at my place this afternoon, and I cannot tell you what a difference there is. It is like another climate.”

”Then why don't you stay in your place?” I could not help answering.

”What is it for, if you do not live there?”