Part 4 (1/2)
”Don't give me that. What do you know about love?”
”All right, you know everything.”
”Of course I know.”
”Tell me, how many men have you known?” Manna winked at her. She always doubted if Haiyan was still a virgin. Rumor had it that Haiyan had gone to bed with Vice-Director Chiu of the hospital. That must have been true; otherwise she would have been discharged long ago. Unlike Manna, she had never gone to a nursing school.
”A thousand,” Haiyan said teasingly. ”The more the better, don't you think?”
”Yes,” Manna said matter-of-factly.
They laughed again. Haiyan flung back her braid, whose end was tied with an orange string. Her toe kept tapping the red floor.
Manna had never thought of sleeping with Lin. The fear of being expelled from the army prevented her from conceiving such an idea; she didn't even have a hometown to return to. Furthermore, she was uncertain whether he would continue to love her if she was discharged and banished to a remote place. Even though he wanted to, love would be impossible under such circ.u.mstances, because he might be sent back to his home village and they would have to remain apart. Yet Haiyan's suggestion pointed out a possibility. Manna was almost twenty-nine; why should she remain an old maid forever? Once she and Lin made love, he might go about divorcing his wife. For better or worse, she shouldn't just sit and wait without doing anything, or there would be no end to this ambiguous affair. Recently people in the hospital had begun to treat her like Lin's fiancee; young officers would avoid talking with her for longer than a few minutes. She resented this situation, which she was determined to change.
So she decided to act. The next night, after they had distributed medicine to the patients, she said to Haiyan, ”Can I ask you a favor?”
Her earnest tone of voice surprised her friend. ”Of course, anything you think I can do for you,” Haiyan said.
”Do you know some quiet place in town?”
”What do you mean some quiet place?” Haiyan's large eyes sparkled.
”I mean where you can ...”
”Oh I see, a place where you and he can have a good time together?”
Manna nodded, her face coloring.
”Well, so you agree with me at last. Tell me, what made you change your mind so quickly? You are a bad girl, aren't you? You're planning to seduce a good man, a revolutionary officer, aren't you?”
”Come on, spare me all the questions.”
”Comrade Manna Wu, do you understand what you are doing? You've really lost your head, haven't you?” She pointed her forefinger at Manna with her thumb raised, like a pistol.
”Please, just help me!”
Haiyan t.i.ttered, then said, ”All right, I'll find you a place.”
Because hotels and guesthouses in every town demanded an official letter before taking in a guest, it was impossible for an unmarried couple to find lodging in any of them. Manna had to resort to the help of Haiyan, who seemed to have infinite connections. Two of her siblings lived in Muji. That was why she had readily promised to find Manna a place.
On Thursday, at lunch, Haiyan sat down by Manna and nodded to her meaningfully. After others had left the table, she handed her a bra.s.s key and a slip of paper with an address on it. She said, ”My sister's going to visit her parents-in-law this weekend. You can use her home on Sunday.”
”Thanks,” Manna whispered.
Haiyan batted her eyes. ”But remember to tell me what it's like, all right?”
”What do you mean?”
”You know.” Haiyan batted her eyes again.
”d.a.m.n you, as if you didn't know.”
Chuckling, Haiyan patted her on the shoulder and said with a straight face, ”Every man is different.”
Since she decided to take this step, Manna had been possessed by a thrill that she had never experienced before. She began to have a faraway look in her eyes and smiled more to herself. At night she often felt as if she were in Lin's arms, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s swelling and her tongue licking her lips. She was amazed to find herself having changed into a rather voluptuous woman in a matter of a few days. She enjoyed sleeping without her pajamas on, although she was afraid that her roommates might see her naked legs if she kicked her quilt off in her sleep. The thought of spending an unforgettable day with Lin invigorated her limbs and filled her heart with ecstasy.
The next day when they were walking together in the late afternoon, she told him about the arrangement and even mentioned she would buy a bottle of plum wine and two pounds of smoked sausages. She got so carried away that she didn't notice the shock in his eyes.
”Lin, this is a fabulous opportunity,” she said. ”We've never had a place for ourselves.”
He frowned a little and went on kicking pebbles while walking silently.
The setting sun was like a huge cake sliced in half by the brick wall of the compound. A few patients in blue-striped uniforms were playing soccer with a group of boys on the sports ground. Dried leaves were scuttling about, making tiny noises; bats were twittering and flitting about in the chilly air.
Seeing him unenthusiastic about the arrangement, Manna said peevishly, ”I just want to spend some time with you alone, to have a heart-to-heart talk. That's all.”
Still he didn't say a word. The look on his face seemed rather distant, although he was blus.h.i.+ng a little. Running out of patience, she asked, ”Do you think it's easy for me to have gone this far? I've risked losing everything, don't you understand?”
” 'Risk' is the word,” he said thoughtfully. ”It's too big a risk to take. We shouldn't do this.”
”Why?”
”Didn't we promise Ran Su not to break any rule? This would get him into trouble too. I'm a married man; if the secret is out, we'll be dealt with as criminals, don't you think?”
”I don't care.”
”Don't lose your head, Manna. Think about this: just a moment's pleasure will ruin our lives for good.”
She didn't answer.
He went on, ”Besides, you know Haiyan Niu has a loose tongue. Even if she doesn't tell anybody now, what will happen after she gets married someday? For sure she'll tell her husband about this. Then they will have something on us. You know there's no wall without a crack. If we do this, sooner or later people will find out.”
”She promised not to tell anybody.”
”Do you absolutely trust her?”
”Well, I can't say that.” She shook her head. Something stirred in her chest, and tears came to her eyes, but she controlled herself. ”What should we do with this?” She waved the key, which glinted in the last sunlight.
”Return it to Haiyan before this weekend. It's crucial to show her that we won't use the place.”
His words made her ashamed, and in silence she blamed herself for yielding to her pa.s.sion. She was overcome with doubtful thoughts. Why did he refuse to spend time with her alone in town? Did he have another woman in his mind? Unlikely. Pingping Ma had left the army the year before, and Lin had treated her merely as a tomboy; he and that girl had just been book pals. Whom was he close to these days? No one except Manna herself. Still, he might've been seeing another woman. No, if so, it couldn't escape her notice since she saw him every day. Then why did he seem to have no desire for her at all?
Manna feared that in his eyes she might be a different woman now. How she regretted having listened to Haiyan.