Part 10 (1/2)

Before I'm even aware of it myself, Ben says, ”s.h.i.+t, Rose, you're bleeding.”

I look down, and there's blood on the cuff of my white s.h.i.+rt. My fingernails were jammed so far into my palm that I broke the skin. And now...on top of being self-conscious...I'm mortified.

I hadn't even realized Ben had left, but he's back with a few tissues and standing in front of me. He goes down on one knee and takes hold of my right hand to cover the nail marks with the tissues.

Feeling too tense and uncomfortable, I pull my hand back, and he gives the tissues to me instead of taking care of it for me.

”It doesn't look bad,” he says, sitting back down on the couch.

Pressing the tissues to my hand, I tell him, ”I think I better get back to my room.”

He nods and stands, but tucks his hands in his sweatpants pockets.

I crumple the tissue, hold it inside my bleeding hand, and lift myself off the couch with the help of my cane.

Ben stands there, looking unsure if he should help me, so I just say, ”I'll see you tomorrow or something. Thanks...for the movie.”

His smile is awesome, and I would kick myself, if I could, for being so wishy-washy. I hate wishy-washy. But currently, I don't even know which way is up. I'm at a total loss about who I'm supposed to be right now. Being friendly and normal is not on my radar.

I hobble back to my room and call the night nurse to help me take off my tube, since I'm not supposed to sleep with it on. My irritability level has skyrocketed in the last fifteen minutes, and when the nurse doesn't come quickly enough, I roll up my yoga pants and start yanking off the tube from my leg. And hurting myself in the process. The pain in my s.h.i.+n is unbearable and freaks me out.

Because my s.h.i.+n isn't even there!

I've had phantom pain before. They tell me it's normal for...people like me.

But this time.

I can't handle it.

The latches on my robot leg are not cooperating, and I'm using force to rip it off.

In no time, and after an unsuccessful attempt to dislocate the metal from my leg because I never paid attention to how to do it, I'm kicking the plastic heel against the side of the bed and screaming.

Pain is everywhere.

My non-existent s.h.i.+n.

My stupid nub of a knee.

My whole left side.

My chest.

And that's the worst pain of all.

Why did this have to happen to me?

Why couldn't I have just gone back to the apartment with Jordan when she forgot her cell phone? Then none of this would have happened. None of it.

My G.o.d, why are you doing this to me?

It's a new nurse, and when she sees my state, she calls for help. At least I think that's what she does, because moments later, I'm being p.r.i.c.ked with a needle. And while I'm still screaming.

16.

BEN.

Rose walked out upset, and I'm embarra.s.sed by how that made me feel.

Like I was dumped.

In the middle of a date.

I know, I know - unreasonable.

For G.o.d's sake, I just met her. We're in here to recover. Not to date. But I tell you, it started to feel like a date.

Maybe because I'm attracted to her?

Maybe because I'm feeling something from her too?

But we are here to recover.

Rose is, especially.

I can't be thinking about her in that way.

But I am.

So I text Holly.

Me: You'll never guess who I met?

Holly: Mike Piazza.

Me: Mike Piazza? Really?

Holly: He's the only baseball guy I know. If it's not him, who?

Me: I'm not that obsessed with baseball. Anyway...the girl I kinda sorta like?

Holly: The girl made of gla.s.s?