Part 15 (1/2)

”I... I'm sorry about that.”

With his free hand, he lifted an errant curl and tucked it behind her ear. Goose b.u.mps skittered to her toes. ”I missed you, Carolyn. Didn't you know I would?”

”No. Yes. I... I don't know what I thought.”

”That's what I was afraid of. So I came find you in this big city of yours, to make very sure you knew that I missed you, missed seeing you, talking to you, and hearing your lovely laugh.”

”I... I missed you too,” she whispered without thinking and knew immediately that she shouldn't have. It wasn't fair to him. ”But...”

He placed his finger across her mouth to stem the flow of her words. His chest rose as he lungs filled with a deep breath. ”Carolyn?” Peter suddenly took her hands and held them in his against his chest. ”I don't want you to tell me you don't think my visit is a good idea.”

Carrie looked surprised. He'd guessed her thoughts.

Peter laughed softly. ”We'll just have to have faith that we'll work out whatever G.o.d has planned for us.”

”I wish I had your faith about so many things. It makes your life seem so easy to live.”

”You can have the 'easy' life as you put it. All you have to do is accept G.o.d's will for you.”

Accept G.o.d's will? She couldn't even tell what G.o.d's will for her was, and she had too many problems already in her life for her to take on figuring out another one. ”You make it sound so simple and my life has been anything but simple for the past five years. But I don't want to talk about the past, Peter.”

He nodded slowly and looked at her hands. ”I know. I'd just like to see you give G.o.d a chance.” He squeezed her fingers once before he let them go and pulled the dish towel from the handle on the refrigerator door. ”Come on. You wash and I'll dry.”

Carrie felt relieved that he accepted her reluctance to talk about her past. She just wanted to enjoy the present. Nodding, she turned to the sink and ran water for was.h.i.+ng the dishes.

Peter walked over to the window while he waited for her to put clean dishes on the rack. ”You have a nice view of the Red River. How do you like living here? Your neighbors friendly?”

”I like the apartment, and it's handy to work. I don't know my neighbors well though. I've lived here longer than most of them. They come and go so fast that I've never gotten to know some of them at all.”

He studied her as if he were trying to understand. ”That must be lonely.”

Carrie nodded. ”A little,” she hedged. He was studying her face and it made her feel uncomfortable. ”Come on, Peter. You volunteered. Let's see how well you dry dishes.”

”Hey, what can I say? I'm an expert. I took 'Dish Was.h.i.+ng and Drying 101' in seminary. If there's one thing we do a lot of in church, it's was.h.i.+ng and drying dishes.”

”You always manage to make me laugh, Peter. Thank you.” She swiped the cloth over a soup bowl.

”A smile belongs on your face. It hurts me to think you're unhappy. I've said before I'm too emotionally involved to be the best one to help you, but talking out your problems with someone like Don Hoag might help you discover that G.o.d has a happy life planned for you.”

”A happy life.” She hadn't known what that was or could be until she'd met Peter and began to see what was missing in her life. Struggling to find the right words, Carrie pressed her lips together, but finally tried to explain. ”I manage to be as happy as the next person, I think. I've got a job that could lead to doing what I want someday. That would make me happy. And I guess after I get my career established, I would like to get married and have children someday. And if I'm never that lucky, I'll still have my career.” She rinsed the bowl and handed it to Peter. He started to say something, but she went right on. ”I have to succeed on my own before I can share a life with someone else, so I guess that means I want to have it all,” she concluded as she washed a gla.s.s.

Peter listened and looked down at the dish towel he'd been twisting in his hands. For the first time since she'd known him, he seemed at a loss for words.

”Don't look so worried, Peter. Some days I'm so confused I don't know what I want.” She'd meant it to be halfway funny, but she looked up at him meekly, afraid of what she would see in his face.

”But you're not so dead-set in a career track that excludes getting married and having kids?”

”No, no, not when the right time comes, or the right person.” When I find a city man who's like you, she added to herself.

She could hear the rush of Peter's breath when he exhaled. She absently rinsed the gla.s.s and held it out toward him. The water sloshed out on his s.h.i.+rt. ”Oh, you're all wet.”

”That's what I love about you, Carolyn Whitmore. You're not afraid to tell me I'm all wet.”

Carrie was stunned mute. It almost sounded as if he'd said he loved her. He laughed and mopped his s.h.i.+rt with a paper towel.

”Well, come on, woman. Let's get these dishes done. I can only stay a few more hours before I have to drive off into the sunset.” He laughed and dried a gla.s.s from the rack. He set it beside the other one on the table and returned to the sink.

Carrie's heart beating audibly, she rinsed the bread dish and handed it to him. Would she ever figure Peter out? She knew he'd expended a great deal of personal energy to help her and support her with Maddie being ill on top of the work with the kids play.

That was it! He'd come to Fargo to see that his pastoral work had not been in vain. And when he'd said he loved her? Carrie understood that he loved her just as he loved every member of his congregation. He certainly couldn't love her as a man loves just one special woman. She couldn't let him.

When the dishes were done, Carrie needed to escape the small confines of her apartment. She asked, ”How would you like to walk down to the Red River? There's a path that runs along the edge for a couple blocks. It's always fun to watch a river that defies nature and flows north.”

Peter agreed and they walked together, their shoulders sometimes brus.h.i.+ng together. He held her hand as she jumped over a downed tree and then let it go. She chided herself for wis.h.i.+ng he'd kept her hand in his.

Never had Carrie laughed as much as she did that afternoon. She and Peter talked about a thousand things. She loved having someone here she could talk to so easily. If only he lived in Fargo.

They walked along the jogging path and Peter related the wonderful plans he had for the Sunville Community Church. ”I've found everything I ever wanted in Sunville except a wife--a helpmate. That would make my life complete.”

”I can tell you truly care for the people in the congregation. They're very lucky to have you, Peter. But whoever married you would always have to be very strong and willing to share you with the congregation.”

”You think that would be tough?”

”She would have to be very sure of her position in your life to be able to share you with others.”

”It might take a while to convince her.”

Carrie looked down at the path and kicked a stone to the side. When she pictured the devout loving woman who would marry Peter some day, she didn't look anything like herself, nor would his wife have a reputation or past like hers. And she would never create scenes in a parking lot. The thoughts left her sadder, but hopefully wiser.

Carrie and Peter returned to her apartment for a late supper before he left to return to Sunville.

”I haven't got anything fancy,” she warned.

”Got any eggs?”

”Sure. How about scrambled with toasted fresh bread?”

”Sounds great,” he agreed, using his favorite adjective.

”That's the way I like them, too, but I think it's because I kept breaking them when I tried to fry them easy-over. They're safer scrambled the way I fix them anyway. I can be sure they're thoroughly cooked and bacteria-free.”

”I'll have to remember that. By the way, I love fresh bread toast,” he said in an exaggerated manner, making her laugh.