Part 19 (1/2)
”And where do the babies come in?”
”The babies will represent mankind.”
”I never heard such rot. Why should mankind be represented by babies?
Much better let them be represented by green peas or gooseberries.”
”Not at all. Mankind can only properly be represented by babies; mankind being in its infancy.”
”But it isn't. It's much older than vegetables.”
”It is not. Man was made last, and instead of developing into a reasonable, rational object, like a potato or a cabbage, he has strayed away into all manner of wild side-issues, and is still nothing but a very much perplexed infant.”
”And do you propose to try and help him to emulate the reasonable, rational condition of the potato and cabbage?”
”I propose to show him his inferiority to these delectable creations.”
”Then if he has any sense he will just duck you in the Serpentine and make you apologise. Personally I consider myself anything but a baby, and far superior to any of the cabbage tribe.”
”Ah!...” he cried gleefully. You are actually proving my theory. I can't explain now, but just wait till that book is written.”
”Are you taking rooms at Colney Hatch while you do it?”
”I have thought about it. You show more understanding in that remark than in any of the others.”
”It doesn't require much effort of understanding to think that out. Is the onion or the mangel-wurzel to be your hero?”
”You are unsympathetic. I shall not tell you any more.”
”Not at all. I am most interested really. I should make the cabbage your hero, and the onion your herone, then she can weep on his breast.”
They swerved violently, and with a little gasp she added, ”All the same, I've no desire to weep on the highway underneath a motor-car.
What _are_ you doing?”
”I don't know. The steering-wheel seems a bit odd.”
They stopped to examine the wheel, and almost immediately, out of the gathering darkness behind shot another car, hooting violently to them to get out of the way. Unable to stop the oncoming car in time, d.i.c.k tried to move aside, failed, and in less than a minute the newcomer, in spite of brakes swiftly adjusted, crashed into them, smas.h.i.+ng their lamp, and badly damaging the back near-side wheel of the car.
”Well, I'm blowed!” said d.i.c.k, ”that's the only moment in the whole day you shouldn't have been on that particular square yard of the entire globe. Any other moment, I could either have moved aside or stopped you in time.”
The occupant of the other car, who was driving alone, sprang out and came briskly forward.
”What the devil!...” he began, then noticed the lady, and stopped short.
”It was certainly the devil,” said d.i.c.k, ruefully examining his battered wheel, and ”I always thought he was credited with the deceny to look after his own. How have you fared?”
”Well, he seems to have looked after me all right,” in a cheery voice; ”there's nothing that will prevent my going on to town. But if you will pardon my curiosity, why take root in the middle of the road and ask for trouble?”
Hal's smile suddenly flashed out in the lamp-light irresistibly.
”It's a new theory about vegetables being wiser than mankind, but of course we took root too soon.”