Chapter 23 (2/2)

“Xu Zheng, if you pick up the underwear and put it on now, I can pretend like nothing happened tonight. But if you don’t…”

Xu Ping trailed off.

Xu Zheng considered with his head to the side and then stood from the couch. Xu Ping thought the boy was going to grab the underwear and was about to breathe a sigh of relief when his brother put one foot on it. The boy flashed a challenging glare before jumping on it repeatedly.

“Gege is liar! Liar!”

“What did you say?!” Xu Ping was infuriated. “Say that again!”

Paying no heed, Xu Zheng kept shouting. “I don’t wear pants! You don’t like me wearing pants! You like my weenie! You touch it at night while I sleep! I know!”

As though struck by lightning, Xu Ping stood there, gaping.

Ever since he had the unspeakable dream, Xu Ping had moved out of their bedroom. But even so, he would still wake up with a fright in the middle of the night having dreamt a similar dream. Sharing a loving kiss with his brother, stripping each other naked and caressing each other’s bare skin – just that was sufficient to make him tremble with so much excitement in the dream that he could shed tears of joy. He clearly understood that it was wrong and kept it at bay during the day, but at night it all spilled out. He would m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e furiously while calling out his brother’s name while the boy was asleep in the room. As long as he imagined that the hand around his p.e.n.i.s belonged to his brother, he was able to achieve o.r.g.a.s.m very quickly. During the day, he had to play the good brother who took care of his younger brother, but at night he l.u.s.ted after his brother’s body. Many times he made up his mind to stop this shameful behaviour, but time and time again he failed to do so.

“I let Gege touch my weenie. Gege sleep with me!” The boy who understood nothing of this world kept shouting.

Xu Ping was shaking all over while he cradled his head.

“Shut up.”

“I like when Gege touch me.”

“Shut up!”

“Sneaky Gege kissed me, too.”

“Shut up! Shut up! I told you to shut up!”

He leapt over the couch to beat the boy, but his brother dodged it nimbly. When he lunged forward, the boy would back away. Every time he thought he had cornered Xu Zheng, the boy would always find a way to deftly slip out of his grasp.

Seething with anger, Xu Ping grabbed the gla.s.s ashtray from the television shelf and hurled it. Xu Zheng ducked, and the ashtray smashed into the wall. A fragment flew over his shoulder, leaving a long gash along his neck. His hand flew to the wound to find it wet with blood. He froze with shock.

Taking this opportunity, Xu Ping jumped on his brother, both of them falling to the ground, and planted a heavy punch while holding down his shoulder.

Xu Zheng’s head flew to the side.

Xu Ping struck again.

“What do you know?! Nothing! You idiot! Idiot!”

Holding his own face, Xu Zheng turned his head around, his eyes full of hurt, fury and disbelief.

“I’m not!”

“You are! I hate you! I hate you as a brother!”

Xu Zheng stared at his brother for a silent second and then, letting out a roar, he kicked Xu Ping over. The naked boy straddled his brother and began pounding his face. Xu Ping raised his arms in defence but had his arms pushed aside. The younger boy was extremely strong. He restrained Xu Ping’s wrists with one hand, and Xu Ping could not break free. A fist repeatedly smashed into Xu Ping’s face, and his teeth seemed to come loose.

The crazed boy only was bent on venting his fury and hurt and kept throwing punches with all his strength. It was all a big lie – Gege whom he relied on and adored, Gege who promised he would always be with him, the only existence in his life, the most precious light in his world. He might not have known what the “university” that his brother spoke of was, but he knew his brother was going to abandon him for it. Xu Zheng felt a pain in his chest that he could not bear. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t. It felt like a part of him had been carved out, but when he checked everything was still in place.

His hands, his legs, none of them were his anymore. He beat the boy underneath him as though he were possessed. Only when blood came spewing out of Xu Ping’s mouth did he come to a halt, his illusion dissipating.

The gla.s.s lens on Xu Ping’s eyegla.s.ses was cracked, and his eyes were swollen. He lay there for some time before weakly reaching a finger into his mouth, checking each of his molars.

Wiping away the blood around his mouth, he spoke quietly with a lisp. “Thankfully the teeth are intact. I just bit my tongue.”

He panted for a while longer before lightly nudging his brother who was still sitting on him. “Get off.”

Dumbly, Xu Zheng stood up.

“Put on your clothes.”

Xu Zheng picked up the underwear and clumsily pulled it up his legs.

When he returned, Xu Ping was attempting to stand.

Xu Ping felt a whirling sensation.

It’d better not be a concussion, he prayed.

He evaded the hand stuck out to help him. He grabbed on to the table leg and stood up, took two steps and felt sick to his stomach.

Standing helplessly to the side, Xu Zheng appeared surprised, pained and afraid.

“Gege.”

Xu Ping did not respond.

“Gege.”

Xu Ping sat resting in a chair for some time. Then he suddenly started laughing towards the ceiling. The action pulled at the injury in his mouth turning the laugh into pained hisses as he inhaled.

Xu Zheng might have been the most stupid person in the world, but even he knew he did something terrible.

Xu Ping scoffed, “You should be happy that you won a fight. Why the puckered face?”

He flipped over a gla.s.s on the table and poured himself some water to wash away the rusty iron taste.

“Gege.”

Xu Ping wanted to stand up, but his legs were soft like noodles.

“Gege.”

The wall clock rang twelve times. Xu Ping realized that the day in fact had only just ended.

“Gege.”

“Shut the h.e.l.l up!” Xu Ping snapped as he slapped the table.

Xu Zheng hung his head low and dared not make another sound.

Xu Ping said to himself.

Don’t be like this. He’s just a dummy. No need to get angry with him! You should be happy! Look how well you’ve taught him! All these years, all the efforts you spent on him, telling him not to take a beating, wasn’t it all for this? He’s grown up now, and he can protect himself without you beside him.

He sprawled onto the table with his face in his arms.

I’m not sad. He thought. I’m just tired. So tired. It’s been too long of a day today. I think I need a rest.

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