Part 14 (2/2)

BLITH. Not that it will matter now the wedding is so soon to come off!

SEL. (aside). He thinks I can marry his daughter!

BLITH. I shall be glad to see her settled!

SEL. (aside). He will see me settled soon! (Aloud.) Would you mind stepping into the library?--we can continue our explanation there. (Aside.) Anything to prevent his meeting my wife!

BLITH. Certainly! (Exeunt SELWYN and BLITHERS, R. 2 E.)

Enter FRED, with pistol case; he puts hat on table, L.

FRED. I couldn't get any good swords, but my friend Dawkins has lent me a couple of capital pistols. As I was the challenged party I have the choice of weapons. By Jove! I will do a little practicing before the gla.s.s to see if my hand's steady.

(Exit FRED into his room, L. 2 E.

Enter MRS. SELWYN, L. U. E.

MRS. S. From an upper window I just observed Sam cross the road and come sneaking into his own house with blue spectacles on! Why? There's a mystery in the air that I mean to fathom--for the wife who would allow her husband to have a secret all to himself does not deserve to have a mother to instruct her in the wicked ways of the male s.e.x in general, and married men in particular! (Sits, R.)

Enter GRACE, L. U. E.

GRACE. Oh! mamma, something dreadful is going to happen through that awful quarrel! Dibbs is polis.h.i.+ng up two swords and whistling the ”Dead March in Saul” in a way that makes my blood run cold! (Sits on sofa.)

MRS. S. _He's_ in it, too! Only let a man make up his mind to deceive his wife--and everything masculine from a boy in b.u.t.tons to a Judge on the bench will lend him a hand! They are _all_ in the swim, and they know it! My child, it would be far better for you to give up this idea of wedded bliss!

GRACE. I know, mamma, everybody knows--marriage is a lottery.

MRS. S. For the men--yes! but for the women--no! You can't call a thing a lottery when there are _no_ prizes at all; it then becomes a mere swindle!

GRACE. Oh, mamma! You always go on like this when papa grumbles at your bonnet bill.

Enter DIBBS quickly, with card, L. U. E.

DIBBS. Oh, sir, here's the young lady!--(putting card behind him and giving little whistle.) Whew!--the missus!

MRS. S. What? (To GRACE.) Go to your room, Grace; I want to talk to Dibbs.

(Exit GRACE, R. 2 E.

MRS. S. Now, Dibbs, what is that in your hand?

DIBBS. Nothing, mum. (Producing hand from behind back, empty.)

MRS. S. The other one?

DIBBS (pa.s.sing card from hand to hand behind him). Same, mum!

MRS. S. Both together! (Business, etc.) Ah! I thought so!

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