Part 5 (1/2)
EXPERIENCE NUMBER 7
I was born in an orthodox Jewish family. When I was but four years of age, my parents took me to England and put me in charge of the late Rabbi Horowitz of London to fully teach me the basis of rabbinical life.
At the age of seventeen years I completed my course of instruction as a fully legalized rabbi, but was too young to take the responsibilities of a district or synagog. At that time I returned to the United States and soon drifted into socialism and became a socialist orator, traveling from city to city and State to State, until I left the first principles of my rabbinical teaching.
While traveling through Canada I became acquainted with an anarchist and partly accepted his belief. I strayed so far away from my early teaching that from time to time while speaking, I would hold up my Hebrew Bible and tear it to pieces, cursing G.o.d and denying that there was a G.o.d.
I really became so hardened that I almost believed in my heart that there was no G.o.d.
On the twenty-sixth day of October, 1907, I came to Chicago, and while I was speaking that night on the platform, holding the Hebrew Bible, tearing it, and ready to curse G.o.d, there came a sudden strong voice, as it were, and, to my surprize, repeated to me the following words: ”They shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn after him as one mourneth for its only begotten, and they shall be in bitterness after him as one is in bitterness after his first-born.”
While I listened to this, I thought that some one was behind the platform speaking these words. I looked behind the platform, but could find no one. When I resumed my speech, the voice came again speaking the same verse, and I became almost paralyzed for a while. After the meeting was over, as I walked toward my apartments, I heard the voice for the third time, speaking to me in stronger terms than ever. The miserable feelings came stronger and stronger. In fact, I began to look for peace to my conscience, but did not know how to find it. In this trouble of soul, no one among all the orators, Jewish rabbis, or religious people of different denominations came up to tell me how to do better nor to give me advice.
I left Chicago for New York, but could not find rest. The words of that voice never left me day or night. One night, while walking the streets of New York looking for something to comfort me, I saw a sign reading, ”Men Wanted for the United States Army.” At nine o'clock the next morning I went to the recruiting-station and asked for an application-blank. The man at the station thought it strange that a Jew would come to enlist, but he gave me an application-blank. I filled it out and was examined and sent to Ft. Sloc.u.m, New York, where I was sworn in for three years' faithful service for the United States Army. After I enlisted I began to look for peace; but the more I looked, the worse and more trouble came to me. In fact, persecutions from different soldiers were very bitter because I was a Jew and did not do what they were doing.
While in Ft. Sloc.u.m I contracted fever and was taken to a hospital. From Ft. Sloc.u.m I was sent to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, where I was a.s.signed to Battery B, First Field Artillery. There was only one Jewish man besides me amongst over three hundred Roman Catholics, and they believed in making things hot for us, so the more I looked for peace the worse misery and persecutions I found.
On Decoration Day, 1908, they were playing football, and after the game they went into the kitchen, procured large butcher knives, and came out to cut the ”sheenies” up. When we saw them coming with the knives, we ran into the tailor-shop and locked ourselves in, hiding underneath mattresses between the covers. They broke the door, but through Providence they could not find us. Then for the first time since I had embraced socialism I began to think there was a G.o.d, since our lives were so spared.
On the sixth of June we went bathing in the Red River on the reservation, and the boys came and turned us head down and feet up in the water and wanted to drown us, but it seemed that through Providence I was once more saved from being destroyed by these blood-thirsty men.
Upon our return, we found the tailor-shop flooded. This was reported to the commander, but no action was taken in regard to this or any other case of persecution.
We decided to desert the army after pay-day. When pay-day came, I had coming to me about $200 from the tailor-shop and $13 as pay for the month from the army, but out of the $200 I collected only about $70.
That afternoon we walked to Lawton, Oklahoma, to get the train from there to St. Louis. Upon our arrival at St. Louis, the other man got a job, and I wrote to my uncle in Chicago, who sent me a ticket to come to Chicago. When I arrived there, he advised me to go to Canada and said that he would support me all the time that I was there, as they would apprehend me in the United States for a deserter.
I went to Canada, but was still in much distress. Some time later I had a desire to leave Vancouver, British Columbia, and go over the border into the State of Was.h.i.+ngton, but went under the a.s.sumed name of Friedman. While under that name I looked for a position, but could not find one; so I cabled to my parents for money and two weeks afterward I received enough money to open up a little store. I took for my next name Feldman. I opened a book-store, but within three months I lost almost $3,000. Then I left Seattle, Was.h.i.+ngton, for Tacoma under the name Gray.
Three weeks later I left Tacoma for Portland, Oregon, under the name of Grayson, where I looked up a friend of mine. He was at that time manager of the Oregon Hotel. The next morning I was more miserable than ever before and thought that I was sick. The night preceding I related to my friend all my troubles, with the exception of my being a deserter from the army.
While I was looking for a charity physician who could give me something to relieve my distress and trouble, I found a Salvation Army man and asked him if he knew of any physician who worked for charity and would give me treatment. He told me that he had a friend who was a physician and who was a lover of Jewish people. This was the first time that I ever heard that a Christian loved a Jew.
I went to the office of the doctor, whose name was Estock, and he gave me a cordial welcome. Putting his right hand on my right wrist and his left hand around my neck, he said that he loved the Jews because his Savior was a Jew and that he was glad G.o.d had sent me to his office in answer to his prayers. I was dumbfounded and unable to answer. The doctor said, ”You do not need a physician for your body, but you need the Lord Jesus to heal your soul, for your trouble is with your soul, and the Lord Jesus is able to save you from your distress and troubles.”
He gave me a little bottle and said: ”Here is a little medicine, but you do not need it. The only thing that will help you is prayer, and I will 'phone to my wife and ask her to pray for you, and I will also pray for you. This will be the only way you will get peace.”
The next morning as I was offering my thanks to him he said, ”Do not thank me, but thank G.o.d that he sent his only begotten Son, that through him such poor unworthy people as we should be saved through his love.”
”What can this mean?” I answered. ”Is there a G.o.d that will love such a man as I am?--a man who curses him? a man that stamped his Bible under his feet and fought against him? Is it true that he will love me so?”
The doctor answered, ”He died for such men as you, that he might save you.” He further said: ”My house belongs to the Lord, and I owe everything to him. The G.o.d of Abraham and Isaac is my G.o.d, and the G.o.d of David and also the Prophets. He is my G.o.d, and he is your G.o.d, whether you want him or not; and I beg you to come with me to my house.”
”It is impossible for me to go into your house,” I answered, ”because I do not believe that there is a G.o.d, and if there is one, I am unworthy to go into such a house.”
He pleaded with me further to go, and I went with him. I lived at the doctor's house for thirty days. We had the strongest arguments on Scriptures, he trying to prove to me that Jesus is the Messiah that came to save his people from sin. I contradicted every word of his with the Old Testament Scriptures.
On the thirtieth day in the doctor's house I was more vile than ever before. I got up in the morning looking for the first chance to get even with the doctor because of his persistence in mentioning the Lord Jesus on every occasion. When I came down-stairs, they were ready for breakfast. I sat at the table brewing within myself, full of hatred, malice, and bitterness against them because of their holding up to me the Lord Jesus as my only Savior. While at the table I could not withhold my bitterness, and when they read the Scriptures after the meal, I began to laugh, mock, and curse, calling them all kinds of vile names.
While I was doing this they went down on their knees to pray as they did every morning. Looking up to me, the doctor said, ”My friend, if you will not respect G.o.d nor respect me as your only and personal friend in the city, for the Lord's sake respect this house, for this house is consecrated unto G.o.d.”
These words sank deep into my heart, and I kneeled down still with bitterness in my heart against Jesus and the doctor. While I was down on my knees, I was cursing, mocking at them and their Lord. The doctor prayed first, then his wife, and then his little boy, who said, ”Lord Jesus, you have promised to save him; won't you save him?”
These words broke my heart, and I began crying, ”If there is a G.o.d, come and prove yourself.” The carpet around me was wet with the tears which I had shed in crying for G.o.d to come and prove himself. I felt within myself a love for the Lord Jesus and soon had a living faith that the Lord Jesus died for me and that through his death I was saved. After I rose from my knees, the doctor, his wife, and the little boy stood with eyes full of tears, rejoicing with me that there was power in the blood of Jesus Christ to save such a vile sinner as I was.