Part 7 (1/2)
”I never make blots! It's you that makes blots!” cried Erebus, ruffled. ”Mr. Etheridge says I write ever so much better than you do.
Ever so much better.”
”That's why you're writing the letter and not me,” said the Terror coldly. ”Fire away: 'My dear Aunt Amelia'--I say, Wiggins, what's the proper words for 'awfully keen'?”
”'Keen' is 'interested'--I don't know how many 'r's' there are in 'interested'--and 'awfully' is an awfully difficult word,” said Wiggins, pondering.
The Terror looked up ”interested” in the dictionary with a laborious painfulness, and announced triumphantly that there was but a single ”r”
in it; then he said, ”What's the right word for 'awfully,' Wiggins?
Buck up!”
”'Tremendously,'” said Wiggins with the air of a successful Columbus.
”That's it,” said the Terror. ”'My dear Aunt Amelia: I have often heard that you are tremendously interested in cats' homes'”--
”I should think you had!” said Erebus.
”Now don't jabber, please; just stick to the writing,” said the Terror.
”I've got to make this letter a corker; and how can I think if you jabber?”
Erebus made a hideous grimace and bent to her task.
”'Little Deeping wants a cats' home awfully'--no: 'tremendously.' I like that word 'tremendously'; it means something,” said the Terror.
”You're jabbering yourself now,” said Erebus unpleasantly.
Ruffling his fair hair in the agony of composition, the Terror continued: ”'The quant.i.ty of kittens that are drowned is horrible'--that ought to fetch her; kittens are so much nicer than cats--'and I have been thinking'--Oughtn't you to put in some stops?”
”I'm putting in stops--lots,” said Erebus contemptuously.
”'I have been thinking--that if you wanted to have a cats' home here'--What's the right word for 'running a thing,' Wiggins?”
Wiggins frowned deeply; a number of his freckles seemed to run into one another.
”There is a word 'overseer'--slaves have them,” he said cautiously.
The Terror sought that word painfully in the dictionary, spelled it out, and continued: ”'I could overseer it for you. I have got my eye on a building which would suit us tremendously well. But these things cost money, and it would not be any use starting with less than thirty pounds'--
”Thirty pounds! My goodness!” cried Erebus; and her eyes opened wide.
”We may as well go the whole hog,” said the Terror philosophically.
”Go on: 'Or else just as the cats get to be happy and feel it was a real home--' What's the word for 'bust up,' Wiggins?”
”Burst up,” said Wiggins without hesitation.
”No, no; not the grammar--the right word! Oh, I know; 'go bankrupt'--'it might go bankrupt. So it you would like to have a cats'
home here and send me some money, I will start it at once. Your affectionate nephew, Hyacinth Wolfram Dangerfield.' There!” said the Terror with a sigh of relief.
”But you've left me out altogether,” said Erebus in a suddenly aggrieved tone.