Part 3 (1/2)

In the mornings I ran to the summit of Raise the Flag Mountain, charging hard up the steps, my lungs burning high above the Yangtze. The effort was satisfying-it was challenging but uncomplicated, and at the finish I could look down on the city and see where I had gone. It was different from the work of learning Chinese, which had no clear endpoint and gave me more frustration than satisfaction.

There was a skill to running, and in some ways it was the only skill I had in Fuling. Everybody else seemed to have found something that he or she was good at: the owner of the dumpling restaurant made dumplings, the shoes.h.i.+ne women s.h.i.+ned shoes, the stick-stick soldiers carried loads on their leathered shoulders. It was less clear what my purpose was-I was a teacher, and that job was satisfying and clearly defined, but it disappeared once I left campus. Most people in town only saw my failures, the inevitable misunderstandings and botched conversations.

And they always watched carefully. The attention was so intense that in public I often became clumsily self-conscious, which was exacerbated by my suddenly becoming bigger than average. In America I was considered small at five feet nine inches, but now for the first time in my life I stood out in crowds. I b.u.mped my head on bus doorways; I squeezed awkwardly behind miniature restaurant tables. I was like Alice in Wonderland, eating the currant-seed cakes and finding her world turned upside down.

Mostly I longed to find something that I could do well. This was part of why the simple routines of the city fascinated me; I could watch a stick-stick soldier or a restaurant cook with incredible intensity simply because these people were good at what they did. There was a touch of voyeurism in my attention, at least in the sense that I watched the people work with all of the voyeur's impotent envy. There were many days when I would have liked nothing more than to have had a simple skill that I could do over and over again, as long as I did it well.

Running was repet.i.tive in this way, and it was also an escape. If I ran on the roads, cars honked at me, people laughed and shouted, and sometimes a young man would try to impress his friends by chasing after me. But crowds couldn't gather around, and none of the young men followed for long. I ran alone, and in a crowded country that sort of solitude was worth something. There was n.o.body in the city who could catch me.

Usually I ran in the hills behind campus, following the small roads and footpaths that wound around Raise the Flag Mountain. I ran past old Daoist shrines, and atop the narrow walls of the rice paddies, and I followed the stone steps that led to the mountain's summit. I liked running past the ancient stone tombs that overlooked the rivers, and I liked seeing the peasants at work. On my runs I watched them harvest the rice crop, and thresh the yellowed stalks, and I saw them plant the winter wheat and tend their vegetables. I first learned the agricultural patterns by watching the workers as I ran, and I studied the shape of the mountain by feeling it beneath my legs.

The peasants found it strange that I ran in the hills, and they always stared when I charged past, but they never shouted or laughed. As a rule they were the most polite people you could ever hope to meet, and in any case they had more important things to do with their energy than scream at waiguoren waiguoren. And perhaps they had an innate respect for physical effort, even when they didn't see the point.

The air in the countryside was often bad, because the Yangtze winds blew the city's pollution across the Wu River, and I knew that running did my health more harm than good. But it kept my mind steady, because the fields were quiet and peaceful and the activity felt the same as it always had. That old well-known feeling-the catch in my chest, the strain in my legs-connected all the places where I had lived, Missouri and Princeton and Oxford and Fuling. While I ran through the hills, my thoughts swung fluidly between these times and places; I remembered running along the old Missouri-Kansas-Texas railroad pathway, and I recalled the rapeseed blooming gold on Boar's Hill, and the old shaded bridge of Prettybrook. As the months slipped past I realized that even these Sichuan hills, with their strange tombs and terraces, were starting to feel like home.

But still the signs on the way to Raise the Flag Mountain were foreign, and even as they slowly became familiar they reminded me how far I still had to go:

Build[image] Culture, New Give Birth Culture, New Give Birth

Population Increase,[image] Society Society

Education Is a Powerful Country's

DURING THAT SEMESTER there was a volatility to the written language; it constantly s.h.i.+fted in my eyes, and each day the shapes became something other than what they had been before. Spoken Chinese was also starting to settle in my ears, and soon I could make simple conversation with the owners of the restaurants where I ate. The same slow s.h.i.+ft was also happening with regard to my tutors, who finally started to change from tone machines into real people. there was a volatility to the written language; it constantly s.h.i.+fted in my eyes, and each day the shapes became something other than what they had been before. Spoken Chinese was also starting to settle in my ears, and soon I could make simple conversation with the owners of the restaurants where I ate. The same slow s.h.i.+ft was also happening with regard to my tutors, who finally started to change from tone machines into real people.

As this happened, I began to sense an edge to Teacher Liao that I couldn't quite figure. It wasn't simply her tendency to say budui; budui; she seemed slightly uncomfortable around both Adam and me, and there were moments when I almost thought she disliked us (which, given that we didn't pay her enough, would have been understandable). Later, I would come to recognize other reasons for this discomfort, but during that first semester I only sensed that there were complications in our relations.h.i.+p. she seemed slightly uncomfortable around both Adam and me, and there were moments when I almost thought she disliked us (which, given that we didn't pay her enough, would have been understandable). Later, I would come to recognize other reasons for this discomfort, but during that first semester I only sensed that there were complications in our relations.h.i.+p.

Once we had a tutorial the day after I had played in the faculty basketball tournament, and she asked what I had thought of the game. In fact, it had gone very badly-Adam and I were starting to realize that there was a great deal of resentment over our partic.i.p.ation, because the English department team was now suddenly very good. To the other partic.i.p.ants, the games were taking on a patriotic significance; it was a matter of China vs. America, an issue of saving face for the Motherland, and the games grew steadily rougher and rougher. The referees also took sides; they allowed our opponents to foul us while constantly whistling us for phantom violations. In the game before our tutorial, I had been whistled more than fifteen times for double-dribble-by the end of the game I only had to touch the ball and the whistle would blow. Adam and I were considering pulling out of the tournament, which we eventually did. It seemed the best solution for everybody involved.

I knew that Teacher Liao had been at the game, and I a.s.sumed that she felt the same way I did. My students had been embarra.s.sed by the poor sportsmans.h.i.+p, and they told me that the referee had a horrible reputation on campus. He was notorious for getting into fights-once he even threatened an administrator with a knife. His wife had recently divorced him; the rumor was that he had beaten her. And yet the college was unable to fire him, because of the job security that was promised to all state workers under the traditional Communist system.

I answered Teacher Liao's question honestly, telling her that I hadn't found the game much fun.

”That referee,” I said, ”is a huai dan huai dan.” It was a common insult: bad egg.

”Budui!” said Teacher Liao. ”It wasn't his problem-you were wrong. And you should not criticize the referee.” said Teacher Liao. ”It wasn't his problem-you were wrong. And you should not criticize the referee.”

To me this seemed insult upon injury. I wanted to tell her: There are no tones in basketball and you have no jurisdiction over it. But she had more to say.

”You were dribbling wrong,” she said. ”That's why he kept penalizing you. You were doing this-” And she gestured, showing me that I had carried the ball.

”Budui!” I said. ”That's not what I was doing. I was dribbling the same way I always do in America. That referee just doesn't like I said. ”That's not what I was doing. I was dribbling the same way I always do in America. That referee just doesn't like waiguoren waiguoren. And he doesn't understand basketball.”

”Budui! Here you can't dribble the same way that you do in America, because they have different rules in the NBA. That's the problem-you're accustomed to playing the American way.” Here you can't dribble the same way that you do in America, because they have different rules in the NBA. That's the problem-you're accustomed to playing the American way.”

She said it in hopes of ending the argument tactfully, because she saw that I was annoyed. But I had already heard too many explanations about ”the Chinese way,” and I did not want to be lectured about Basketball with Chinese Characteristics.

”Basketball is an American sport,” I said. ”We made the rules and I understand them. That referee just doesn't like waiguoren waiguoren.” After I spoke, I realized how stupid my words sounded, and I might as well have continued: And we Americans can study a language for only four months and already convey our arrogance. But I didn't have the vocabulary for that, and in any case it was clear that both of us wanted to talk about something else. We reviewed a lesson about going to the airport and n.o.body mentioned basketball again.

Cla.s.ses were simpler with Teacher Kong, who alternated weeks with Teacher Liao. He was slightly less inclined to say budui budui, partly because he had a lazy streak, but also because the struggles of that semester were slowly teaching us to recognize each other as people. Eventually he would become my first real Chinese friend-the first friend who saw me strictly in Chinese. And even in those early months, before we developed a true friends.h.i.+p, I could see his interest growing. He sometimes asked me about America, within the limits of my vocabulary, and I sensed there were many questions he would ask once he had the chance. Certainly I had a few of my own that were waiting for the language to catch up with my thoughts.

We had cla.s.ses in my dining room, where the morning light was warm after the sun rose above the shoulder of Raise the Flag Mountain. We drank tea while we studied-jasmine flower tea, the tiny dried petals unfolding like blooming lilies on the surface of the hot water. Before he drank, Teacher Kong blew softly over the cup, so the loose leaves and flowers floated to the far side, and this was something else I learned in those cla.s.ses. If he sipped a leaf by mistake, he turned and spat lightly on the floor. I learned that, too-I liked living in a cadre's apartment and still being able to spit on the floor.

One sunny afternoon in December, I was preparing for cla.s.s when I heard loud music blaring from the plaza below. There wasn't anything unusual about that-the campus loudspeakers were always vomiting noise. But today I looked down from my balcony and saw a crowd a.s.sembling in front of the auditorium, and I knew that some sort of important event was about to take place.

My balcony looked straight down to the plaza and I could see everything clearly. A banner had been unfurled and stretched above the steps. I couldn't make out most of the characters, but a few were recognizable: ”Safety,” ”Environment,” ”Peace.” A row of chairs materialized below the banner. The crowd grew larger. Tables were set in front of the chairs. A blue cloth was laid upon the tables; teacups were put on the cloth. Microphones appeared.

I had seen this sort of arrangement before-it was a nesting area for cadres. Soon six of them marched up the steps and took their places at the table. I strained to see who they were, but I couldn't recognize their faces, and all I saw was that some were in uniform. But many people in Fuling wore uniforms and that never told you anything.

The speeches began, echoing up to my balcony. A crowd gathered at the bottom of the auditorium steps-mostly students, but also people from the neighborhood outside the gates, old peasants and women with their babies. They listened quietly, and in their silence I could see that it was a serious event. The speeches reverberated in the plaza and I couldn't understand what they were saying.

Teacher Kong arrived for cla.s.s and set his books on the dining-room table. ”It's very loud,” he said, smiling, and I agreed-too loud to concentrate on Lesson Thirty-one and its mindless description of a train ride to Guilin. We stepped out onto the balcony and watched the crowd. There were hundreds of people listening to the speeches now, and I could see groups of students hurrying down from the teaching building.

”All of the students have been excused from cla.s.s,” Teacher Kong said, and I asked him what the event was. ”They're going to panjue panjue two people,” he said. ”It's a public two people,” he said. ”It's a public panjue panjue.”

I hadn't studied the word, and he explained its meaning until I was nearly certain I understood. I went into the dining room to double-check with the dictionary-”panjue: bring a verdict; judgment.” They were having a public sentencing in front of the auditorium.

”Are they students?” I asked.

”No. They're from East River.”

I asked what they had done, and he explained that there had been a series of fights between East River people and students in the physical education department. East River was a rough part of town, a seedy riverfront section of small shops and dusty warehouses. After the Three Gorges Dam was built, much of East River would disappear underwater, and few people would probably miss it. The dirty streets were depressing, and the residents, most of whom were poor, saw the students as privileged outsiders-spoiled kids who lived six or seven to a bare room, cleaned their unheated cla.s.srooms, and woke up at six o'clock every morning for mandatory exercises. Sichuanese town-and-gown tension was, like anything else, a matter of relative conditions.

Recently this animosity had turned ugly; some of the East River men had used knives and sticks in the fights, and a couple of students had been hurt. I heard about it from my own students, who wrote in their journals about a weekend night when two physical education boys had been injured and their friends returned to the dormitory for reinforcements. They were collecting weapons of their own when the police arrived.

”None of the injuries was too serious,” said Teacher Kong. ”But they want to show the students that the college is safe, so today they're having a public panjue panjue.”

The cadres finished their speeches, the crowd waiting in expectant silence. Two men appeared, flanked by policemen. They wore cheap suits and their hands were cuffed behind their backs. The police marched them halfway down the steps of the auditorium, where they stood between the cadres and the crowd. The two men's heads were bowed. The students had pressed to the front; at the back stood the peasants and the mothers with their babies. Everybody was quiet. In the background, from the Wu River, I heard the low growl of riverboat horns.

One of the cadres read from a sheet of paper. His voice echoed over the plaza, and in response the crowd s.h.i.+fted and murmured. The two men kept their heads down.

”A few days,” Teacher Kong said. ”Only a few days in jail. Not very serious.”