Part 5 (1/2)

”Why, Fred, if you would only take a gentle sipling of the nectar you would know how to appreciate and enjoy our company,” said Henderson.

”True friends.h.i.+p and true happiness are based upon more _solid_ material than _liquids_,” replied Frederick.

”Well, Fred, as you are a sort of philosopher, allow me to ask you, if the true destiny of man, both here and hereafter, is not the enjoyment of life?” interrogated Henderson.

”Certainly, sir,” replied Fred; ”but I further believe that our Maker designed that man should use the proper means for the promotion of both terrestrial and celestial happiness.”

”Our opinions are identical, then,” exclaimed Henderson. ”We are both of the same mind and yet cannot agree; and the reason is simply this--that I occasionally partake of a social gla.s.s with my friends as a means to awaken and promote enjoyment; whereas you teetotally reject the means.

This delicious nectar sparkling before me has the inherent virtues of making me truly happy; I, therefore, use it for its medicinal qualities.

So here is my best respects to you all, boys,--not forgetting you, Fred,” added Henderson, raising the tumbler to his lips and draining the liquor to its very dregs.

”Ha! ha! ha!” e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Jenkins, ”I say, Fred, you are completely cornered up, Henderson's as good a philosopher as yourself.”

”That may be so,” replied Fred, ”but I wish you, and Henderson also, to bear in mind that reason may be twisted into sophistry.

He must first prove the premises of his arguments to be correct, namely, 'that spirituous liquors are conducive to the happiness of mankind'--otherwise, the syllogism must be false. To attempt such an undertaking would be a more fool-hardy task than that of Hercules to carry the globe upon his back. My dear sir, you would soon find that the universal evidence of the world would be against you. The horrid shrieks of suffering humanity would denounce the falsity of your arguments, while myriads of skeletons would startle from their graves with horrid indignation!”

”Hold on, hold on, I say, Fred,” shouted Henderson, ”you are firing away your b.a.l.l.s at random and never look at the target.”

”I think he has made a good many bull-eyes in your head,” exclaimed Stevens.

”Come, come, boys, we'll have a _horn_ on the _head_ of the subject,”

cried Jenkins.

”Yes, yes, that's the talk,” responded some of the others.

”Hold on, hold on, gentlemen,” exclaimed Henderson, slightly irritated.

”I must have fair play in the game.”

”By all means,” said Fred, ”I shall see that you shall.”

”Well, sir,” said H., ”allow me to inform you, that in your arguments you deviated from the proposition I made, namely--that liquor as a means is conducive to human happiness. I mean the proper use of it; but you immediately darted off to the furthest extremity of the subject, and by a sort of superlative sophistry of your own, you attempted to conjure up a horrid array of evils arising from the abuse of that spiritual gift, which is the very essence of those cereals designed by the Author of Creation as the princ.i.p.al sustainer of animal life.”

”You accuse me, sir, of doing injustice to your proposition, by representing the consequences of abusing that spiritual gift, as you very improperly term it,” said Fred. ”Your proposition, let me tell you, embraces only the germs; but I look forward to the fruits thereof. He would be but a very foolish farmer indeed, who would sow tares or imperfect seed for the mere pleasure of seeing his fields adorned with verdure, without looking forward to the consequences. Every good farmer antic.i.p.ates an abundant harvest and accordingly sows the best seed. So should every man who desires to reap a harvest of happiness. He should look well to the seed, and sow only that which will eventually produce the best results. Again, you say that liquor when used in moderation, is a means of producing human happiness, and therefore should be used. I beg to differ with you; happiness arises not from the animal impulses of human nature stimulated by intoxicating liquor. Use it moderately you say. Alas, how many millions have been ruined forever by the taking of only one single gla.s.s at first, _only one gla.s.s_! Think of it! It is the magnet that attracts material akin to itself; alas, what a world of wretchedness and crime is reflected from that nucleus of Intemperance.”

”Hold on, hold on, Fred,” e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Jenkins, ”that'll do for the present.”

”Go on, Fred, your ill.u.s.trations are beautiful and impressive,” cried Stevens, ”go on, you are hitting the target at every shot.”

”For goodness sake, Fred, do stop; or you will convert us all into a company of 'cold water-boys,'” cried Jenkins.

”Come! come, my lads,” exclaimed Haveril, ”we'll wind up for the present with a b.u.mper of 'hot Scotch' and I'll pay for the drinks.”

”Hot Scotch! hot Scotch!” shouted a half dozen of voices--and having partaken of a rousing b.u.mper they called upon Fred to favor them with a song, to which he responded in the following Temperance Song, ent.i.tled ”One Gla.s.s More.”

Behold yon wretch at the tavern-bar: His matted hair hangs over his brow; The manly form and the n.o.ble soul Are wrecked and lost in the drunkard now.

He s.h.i.+vering stands in his dirty rags, With bloated face and his blood-shot eyes; With quivering lips and a fever'd breath For one gla.s.s more how he pleading cries.

_Chorus._--O give me, sir, but a single gla.s.s; O pity me now when my cash is done; The night is cold and my blood runs chill, And all I ask is a single one.