Part 2 (2/2)

Percy shot me an angry look.

”He's everywhere in here,” the madman said.

Oh, I thought, it's not Jordan, then, it's the spirit of Jordan, or some conceit like that. This barn is a shrine the man has been keeping. I had the unpleasant idea that Jordan's body might be tucked away in one of its shadowed corners, dry and lifeless as an old Egyptian king.

”Or at least,” Ephraim said, ”from about eight foot down.”

He found and lit a lantern.

One evening in the midst of our journey through the South I had got drunk and shared with Percy, too ebulliently, my idea that we were really very much alike.

This was in Atlanta, in one of the hotels that provides separate quarters for colored servants traveling with their employers. That was good because it meant Percy could sleep in relative comfort. I had snuck down to his room, which was little more than a cubicle, and I had brought a bottle with me, although Percy refused to share it. He was an abstinent man.

I talked freely about my mother's fervent abolition-ism and how it had hovered over my childhood like a storm cloud st.i.tched with lightning. I told Percy how we were both the children of idealists, and so forth.

He listened patiently, but at the end, when I had finally run down, or my jaw was too weary to continue, he rummaged through the papers he carried with him and drew out a letter that had been written to him by Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe.

Mrs. Stowe is best remembered for her work on behalf of the China Inland Mission, but she came from an abolitionist family. Her father was the first president of the famous Lane Theological Seminary. At one point in her life she had attempted a novel meant to expose the evils of slavery, but she could not find a publisher.

Percy handed me the woman's letter.

I have received your book ”Every Measure Short of War,” the letter began, the letter began, and it brings back terrible memories and forebodings. I remember all too distinctly what it meant to love my country in those troubled years and to tremble at the coming day of wrath. and it brings back terrible memories and forebodings. I remember all too distinctly what it meant to love my country in those troubled years and to tremble at the coming day of wrath.

”You want me to read this?” I asked drunkenly.

”Just that next part,” Percy said.

Perhaps because of your book, Mr. Camber, Mrs. Stowe wrote, or because of the memories it aroused, I suffered an unbearable dream last night. It was about that war. I mean the war that was so much discussed but that never took place, the war from which both North and South stepped back as from the brink of a terrible abyss. or because of the memories it aroused, I suffered an unbearable dream last night. It was about that war. I mean the war that was so much discussed but that never took place, the war from which both North and South stepped back as from the brink of a terrible abyss.

In my dream that precipice loomed again, and this time there was no Stephen Douglas to call us away with concessions and compromises and his disgusting deference to the Slave Aristocracy. In my dream, the war took place. And it was an awful war, Mr. Camber. It seemed to flow before my eyes in a series of b.l.o.o.d.y tableaux. A half a million dead. Battlefields too awful to contemplate, North and South. Industries crippled, both the print and the cotton presses silenced, thriving cities reduced to smoldering ruins-all this I saw, or knew, as one sees or knows in dreams.

But that was not the unbearable part of it.

Let me say that I have known death altogether too intimately. I have suffered the loss of children. I love peace just as fervently as I despise injustice. I would not wish grief or heartbreak on any mother of any section of this country, or any other country. And yet-!

And yet, in light of what I have inferred from recent numbers of your newspaper, and from the letters you have written me, and from what old friends and acquaintances have said or written about the camps, the deportations, the Lodges, etc.,-because of all that, a part of me wishes that that war had indeed been fought if only because it might have ended slavery. Ended it cleanly, I mean, with a sane and straightforward liberation, or even a liberation partial and incomplete-a declaration, at least, of the immorality and unacceptability of human bondage-anything but this sickening decline by extinction, this surrept.i.tious (as you so bitterly describe it) ”cleansing.”

I suppose this makes me sound like a monster, a sort of female John Brown, confusing righteousness with violence and murder with redemption.

I am not such a monster. I confess a certain admiration for those who, like President Douglas, worked so very hard to prevent the apocalypse of which I dreamed last night, even if I distrust their motives and condemn their means. The instinct for peace is the most honorable of all Christian impulses. My conscience rebels at a single death, much less one million.

But if a war could have ended slavery . . . would I have wished it? Welcomed it?

What is unbearable, Mr. Camber, is that I don't know that I can answer my own horrifying question either honestly or decently. And so I have to ask: Can you?

I puzzled it out. Then I gave Percy a blank stare. ”Why are you showing me this?”

”We're alike in many ways, as you say, Tom. But not all ways. Not all ways. Mrs. Stowe asks an interesting question. Answering it isn't easy. I don't know your mind, but fundamentally, Tom, despite all the sympathies between us, the fact is, I suspect that in the end you might give the wrong wrong answer to that question-and I expect you think the same of me.” answer to that question-and I expect you think the same of me.”

There was another difference, which I did not mention to Percy, and that was that every time I remarked on our similarities, I could hear my wife's scornful voice saying (as she had said when I first shared the idea of this project with her), ”Oh, Tom, don't be ridiculous. You're nothing like that Percy Camber. That's your mother talking-all that abolitionist guilt she burdened you with. As if you need to prove you haven't betrayed the cause cause, whatever the cause cause is, exactly.” is, exactly.”

Maggie failed to change my mind, though what she said was true.

”From about eight feet down,” Ephraim said cryptically, lifting the lantern.

Eight feet is as high an average man can reach without standing on something. Between eight feet and the floor is the span of a man's reach.

”You see, sir,” Ephraim said, ”my son and I were held in separate barracks. The idea behind that was that a man might be less eager to escape if it meant leaving behind a son or father or uncle. The overseers said, if you run, your people will suffer for it. But when my chance come I took it. I don't know if that's a sin. I think about it often.” He walked toward the nearest wall, the lantern breaking up the darkness as it swayed in his grip. ”This barracks here was my son's barracks.”

”Were there many escapes?” Percy asked.

I began to see that something might have been written on the wall, though at first it looked more like an idea idea of writing: a text as crabbed and indecipherable as the scratchings of the Persians or the Medes. of writing: a text as crabbed and indecipherable as the scratchings of the Persians or the Medes.

”Yes, many,” Ephraim said, ”though not many successful. At first there was fewer guards on the gates. They built the walls up, too, over time. Problem is, you get away, where is there to go? Even if you get past these sandy hills, the country's not welcoming. And the guards had rifles, sir, the guards had dogs.”

”But you got away, Ephraim.”

”Not far away. When I escaped it was very near the last days of Pilga.s.si Acres.” (He p.r.o.nounced it Piga.s.si Piga.s.si, with a reflexive curl of contempt on his lips.) ”Company men coming in from Richmond to the overseer's house, you could hear the shouting some nights. Rations went from meat twice a week to a handful of cornmeal a day and green bacon on Sundays. They fired the little Dutch doctor who used to tend to us. Sickness come to us. They let the old ones die in place, took the bodies away to bury or burn. Pretty soon we knew what was meant to happen next. They could not keep us, sir, nor could they set us free.”

”That was when you escaped?”

”Very near the end, sir, yes, that's when. I did not want to go without Jordan. But if I waited, I knew I'd be too weak to run. I told myself I could live in the woods and get stronger, that I would come back for Jordan when I was more myself.”

He held the lantern close to the board wall of this abandoned barracks.

Percy was suffering more from his wound now than he had seemed to when he received it, and he grimaced as I helped him follow Ephraim. We stood close to the wild man and his circle of light, though not too close-I was still conscious of his rifle and of his willingness to use it, even if he was not in a killing mood right now.

The writing on the wall consisted of names. Hundreds of names. They chased each other around the whole of the barn in tight horizontal bands.

”I expect the overseers would have let us starve if they had the time. But they were afraid federal men would come digging around. There ought to be nothing of us left to find, I think was the reasoning. By that time the cholera had taken many of us anyhow, weak and hungry as we were, and the rest . . . well, death is a house, Mr. Camber, with many doorways. This is my son's name right here.”

Jordan Nash was picked out by the yellow lantern light. was picked out by the yellow lantern light.

”Dear G.o.d,” said Percy Camber, softly.

”I don't think G.o.d come into it, sir.”

”Did he write his own name?”

”Oh, yes, sir. A Northern lady taught us both to read, back in the Missouri camp. I had a Bible and a copybook from her. I still read that Bible to this day. Jordan was proud of his letters.” Ephraim turned to me as if I, not Percy, had asked the question: ”Most of these men couldn't write nor read. Jordan didn't just write his own name. He wrote all all these names. Each and every one. A new man came in, he would ask the name and put it down as best he could. The list grew as we came and went. Many years' worth, sir. All the prisoners talked about it, how he did that. He had no pencil or chalk, you know. He made a kind of pen or brush by chewing down sapling twigs to soften their ends. Ink he made all kind of ways. He was very clever about that. Riverbottom clay, soot, blood even. In the autumns the work crews drawing water from the river might find mushrooms which turn black when you picked them, and they brought them back to Jordan-those made fine ink, he said.” these names. Each and every one. A new man came in, he would ask the name and put it down as best he could. The list grew as we came and went. Many years' worth, sir. All the prisoners talked about it, how he did that. He had no pencil or chalk, you know. He made a kind of pen or brush by chewing down sapling twigs to soften their ends. Ink he made all kind of ways. He was very clever about that. Riverbottom clay, soot, blood even. In the autumns the work crews drawing water from the river might find mushrooms which turn black when you picked them, and they brought them back to Jordan-those made fine ink, he said.”

The pride in Ephraim's voice was unmistakable. He marched along the wall with his lantern held high so we could see his son's work in all its complexity. All those names, written in the s.p.a.ce between a man's reach and the floor. The letters were meticulously formed, the lines as level as the sea. Some of the names were whole names, some were single names, some were the kind of whimsical names given to house servants. They all ran together, to conserve s.p.a.ce, so that in places you had to guess whether the names represented one person or two.

. . . John Kincaid Tom Abel Fortune Bob Swift Pompey Atticus Joseph Wilson Elijah Elijah Jim Jim's Son Rufus Moses Deerborn Moses Raffity John Kincaid Tom Abel Fortune Bob Swift Pompey Atticus Joseph Wilson Elijah Elijah Jim Jim's Son Rufus Moses Deerborn Moses Raffity . . . . . .

”I don't know altogether why he did it,” Ephraim said. ”I think it made him feel better to see the men's names written down. Just so somebody might know we pa.s.sed this way, he said.”

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