Part 37 (1/2)
” 'Man?' What makes you think I'm a man? You saw my body. Genetically it may possess a 'Y' chromosome, but that's it. During my formative years my perceptions were drastically limited and I was never treated as a male-or a female, for that matter. I was treated as a s.e.xless, mindless sibling. A doll. A pet. My own body had no experiences to influence my s.e.xual orientation. But when I began getting out of my body and into others, I found the female s.e.xual response more intense, more fulfilling. And speaking of s.e.xual response...”
Kara watched her hands slip the vibrator from the brown paper bag. Her body leaned back in the seat and spread her legs. The hands slipped the vibrator under her coat.
Was this why he'd left her clothes at home? He wasn't-! Not here in the cab!
No. Don't!
”A shame we don't have any batteries.”
G.o.d, please don't!
She felt the cold plastic begin to work its way inside her. Even without a voice, she managed to scream.
6:05 A.M.
Kara watched her hand carve a thick slice off the loaf of seedless rye.
”You know the plan now? And when we get to your Aunt Ellen's you will coach me so I don't make any mistakes.”
Kara still burned from the humiliation in the cab a few hours before. She refused to answer.
”Don't be rude, Kara. We are going to be living together in this body for quite some time to come. You have to accept that. We can be bickering enemies or civil companions. But I warn you, if you give me trouble, there will be more incidents like the one in the cab. And they will escalate until you behave like the good little girl I know you can be. The choice is yours.”
I choose to be set free, d.a.m.n you!
”That is not an option.”
Kara fought the black depression thickening around her. She was utterly helpless, completely at Gabor's mercy-and he didn't have any.
Even without any mistakes, Ellen's going to think my moving in here is pretty strange.
”What she thinks doesn't matter. She merely has to hold the door as you and your daughter move out.”
Mention of Jill drew her up from the depths.
Why Jill? You didn't say anything about her before!
”You can't very well abandon her. Not a devoted mother like you.”
Were Kara's skin responsive to her emotions, it would have crawled at the thought of this thing in her body pretending to be Jill's mother.
No! Let her stay with Ellen!”
”Not a chance.”
Kara's rage exploded. She wished she could take that knife and- Suddenly her right hand pulled the knife from the bread and slashed toward her left. The blade never reached her flesh. But it came close, stopping within an inch or two of her arm.
”Well, well! Spirited, aren't we? You caught me by surprise there. But it won't happen again.”
I hate you! I'd rather die than live like this!
”You think being a pa.s.senger in your own body or a little autoeroticism in the back of a cab is the worst that could happen to you? You're wrong, my dear. I've been kind to you. I've allowed you to keep in touch with the world through your senses. But I don't have to do that. I can cut them off.”
Go ahead. I don't care.
”Really? We'll see. Say good-bye to smell and taste.”
The odor of the bread was gone but other than that, Kara didn't notice much difference.
”Now... sound.”
Silence such as Kara had never imagined possible- even the subliminal rush of blood through her arteries was gone. Only the voice remained.
”Now sight.”
Darkness engulfed her. Darkness so profound its impact was almost a physical blow. More than an absence of light. A darkness that had never known known light. light.
”Frightening, isn't it? But tolerable because you still have your senses of touch and proprioception. You can still feel the air against your skin, your feet on the floor; you still know up from down. But not for long.”
I'm not afraid.
”You should be. You are about to experience true, complete sensory deprivation. I used it to punish Lazlo when he was naughty, and he dreaded it. I will use it to punish you, as well. And if you do not prove to be a pleasant companion, I shall leave you in the deprivation state permanently.”
Huddled in the vast empty darkness, Kara was terrified but refused to let him know.
Do your worst.
”Very well. Your first punishment will be brief, but it will seem eternal. Good bye.”
Suddenly the floor went out from under her. She was tumbling, racing into & & silent black infinity. All points of references were gone. There was no up or down or near or far. She was exploding and contracting in cycles. If only she could stop this endless falling, but there was nothing to hold onto. Everything was gone. silent black infinity. All points of references were gone. There was no up or down or near or far. She was exploding and contracting in cycles. If only she could stop this endless falling, but there was nothing to hold onto. Everything was gone.
She hadn't realized it would be like this. Never in her darkest imaginings had she encountered terror like this. There was nothing here! Nothing Nothing! He had to let her out, let her back into the world!
She screamed but there was no sound. Only the endless fall into the eternal silent darkness.
As you cut another slice from the rye loaf, you notice that your hand is trembling. That was close. Too close. She has an extremely powerful will, this one. Much stronger than Lazlo's. She broke through your motor restraints. You will have to keep her tightly reined. No telling what she might do if she gets loose.
Thus the punishment. And let her think that you can keep her in sensory deprivation permanently should you so choose. Don't let her know that it is an effort for you, that you can only keep her deprived so long, and then you must let her up. Let her think you release her out of beneficence instead of necessity. That should help keep her in line.
Oh, Lazlo. If only he were alive. It was so much easier with him. He could be dominated, trained to behave. You knew just what to expect from Lazlo.
Although on rare occasions he did manage to surprise you. That note to Kara on the back of the electric bill. It had infuriated you that he had dared to interfere, yet you had to grant him a grudging accolade for his craftiness.
And you punished him severely, of course. Just as you are punis.h.i.+ng Kara now.
As you eat, you remember that you must check and make sure that Wheatley has followed the terms of the will as to the burial of Lazlo's body. You don't want your brother lying in the morgue any longer than necessary.