Part 10 (1/2)

”Blame you for what?”

”For Kelly's death!”

She was crying now, and trembling all over. Kara put her arms around her.

”Don't be silly! No one blames you at all.”

”Martha does! She hasn't said so, but I know she thinks that if I hadn't encouraged you two to try life here in the city, Kelly would still be alive!”

Yes, Kara thought with a pang, she probably would be she probably would be.

But she couldn't say that to Ellen.

”She thinks nothing of the sort. Kelly made her own choices. Someone is to blame for Kelly's death, Aunt Ellen, but it's not you. It's not you.”

The older woman clutched her and stifled her sobs. Then she straightened up and dabbed her eyes with a napkin.

”Won't you stay the night? I've felt so terribly alone here since Kelly died. She only stopped in once in a while, but just knowing she was in the city made me feel as though I had family here. Won't you and Jill please stay? Just this once?”

”Okay, Aunt Ellen,” Kara said, forcing a smile. ”Just for tonight.”

She hoped she wouldn't regret it.

6:02 P.M.

Before dinner, Kara made a quick trip back to Kelly's apartment to pick up the clothing and personal items they had left there. She was barely in the door when the phone began to ring. Thinking it was probably Rob, she let it ring three times, then wondered it if might be someone else. A friend of Kelly's, perhaps. She picked it up on the fourth.

”Miss Kara Wade?

It was Dr. Gates. She recognized the slightly accented voice immediately.

”Speaking.”

”I'm glad I found you. I spent most of the afternoon calling this number.”

”Is something wrong?”

”I'm not sure.”

Kara felt a chill run over her skin.

”What do you mean?”

”Miss Wade,” he said, ”I've changed my mind. Please do not think that your threat of a lawsuit or the presence of your policeman friend in my office today have anything to do with this decision. It is simply that upon further reflection I've concluded that it might be in the best interests of all concerned if I break confidence and discuss your late sister's medical history with you.”

”Best interest? What does that mean?”

”I'll discuss everything with you in detail tomorrow morning at ten o'clock in my office. I do not see patients on Wednesdays so there will be no time pressure. Can you be here then?”

”Yes, of course, but-”

”Ten o'clock. Good night.”

And then he hung up.

Kara stood and stared at the buzzing phone. What had made him change his mind.

The chill hit her again.

She almost wished he hadn't.

The new one is just like the last one, the lost blond. Exactly like her. Resemblance is truly remarkable.

He wants the new one. Hasn't told me about her, but I can tell when he wants someone. Can sense whenever he's excited, and he's very excited by this new one.

Poor thing. Hasn't got a chance. Only hope is to stay away from him, never come near him again. Once he gets his hooks into her, that will be it. She'll be at his mercy.

So it's all up to her now. Stay away and stay well, or come back and be driven mad. Like me.

Me. Mad. Crazy. Insane. Meshugge.

All his fault. The swine, the dirty, filthy, stinking, parasitic sc.u.m. I'd have had a normal, productive life without him. A spouse, a child, a future without him.

But I have nothing. Not even hope.

I'd kill him if I could. If only I could! If only I had the means. But I do not. I'd kill myself if I had the nerve-ram this pencil through my eye and into my brain and end this misery. But I do not. I'm a coward. I'll have to wait and hope, that someone else will do it. I can only hope.

But why bother hoping? No one knows about him, or about what he can do. Only me.

And to think that once I loved him.

February 11 10:09 A.M.

They sat as they had yesterday: Dr. Gates behind his mahogany desk in a high-backed swivel chair, Kara in the armchair facing him. A chart lay open on the desk before him. His hands were held before his lips, palms together as if in prayer, as he stared at her with his watery blue eyes.

What little Kara had eaten of the huge breakfast Ellen's cook had served-waffles for Jill, eggs Benedict for her-weighed heavily in her stomach. She'd left Jill at Ellen's, following the cat from room to room.

Finally Dr. Gates lowered his hands. His tantalizingly accented voice took on a lecturing tone.

”I wish to emphasize, Miss Wade, that asking you here was not an easy decision for me. A psychiatrist deals with the most intimate details of his patients' lives, details they keep from their friends, their spouses, even their internists and gynecologists. Because of this intimate knowledge, a psychiatrist must be the most rigorous of all physicians in preserving the confidentiality of his patient records.”

”I appreciate that,” Kara said, and meant it.

”Good. But there are details of your sister's case that are extraordinary, details I a.s.sumed that you, as her twin, would know. However, it occurred to me yesterday after our conversation-or more properly, your tirade-that you appeared completely unaware of what your sib has been through. That raised the possibility that you might share her diagnosis.”

Kara shook her head in bewilderment. ”I don't understand.”