Part 41 (2/2)

I stand there, staring, even though I know what's happened. My mother told me once, in her dump truckload of fun facts about cardiac patients, that when you do a transplant the nerve that goes from the brain to the heart gets cut. Which means that it takes people like me longer to respond to situations that would normally freak us out. We need the adrenaline to kick in first.

You can hear this and think, Oh, how nice to stay calm. Oh, how nice to stay calm.

Or you can hear this and think, Imagine what it would be like to have a brand-new heart, and be so slow to feel. Imagine what it would be like to have a brand-new heart, and be so slow to feel.

And then, boom, just like that it kicks in. I fall down to my knees in front of the dog. I'm afraid to touch him. I have been too close to death; I don't want to go there again.

By now the tears are here; they stream down my face and into my mouth. Loss always tastes like salt. I bend down over my old, sweet dog. ”Dudley,” I say. ”Come on.” But when I scoop him up-put my ear against his rib cage-he's cold, stiff, not breathing.

”No,” I whisper, and then I shout it so loud that my mother comes scrambling up the stairs like a storm.

She fills my doorway, wild-eyed. ”Claire? What's wrong?”

I shake my head; I can't speak. Because, in my arms, the dog twitches. His heart starts beating again, beneath my own two hands.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

For those wis.h.i.+ng to learn more about the topics in this book, try these sites and texts, which were instrumental to me during this journey.

ABOUT THE DEATH PENALTY.

Death Penalty Information Center: een MinutesThe Tenth CircleVanis.h.i.+ng ActsMy Sister's KeeperSecond GlancePerfect MatchSalem FallsPlain TruthKeeping FaithThe PactMercyPicture PerfectHarvesting the HeartSongs of the Humpback Whale

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