Part 8 (1/2)

Even Joseph is glad see me now, and I am told that the ice-cream men serve little vanilla Napoleons at all the swell dinners. Bourrienne, our time has come! Get out my most threadbare uniform, fray a few of my collars at the edges, and shoot a few holes in my hat. I'll go out and take a walk along the Avenue de l'Opera, where the people can see me.”

”There isn't any such street in Paris yet, General,” said Bourrienne, getting out his Paris guide-book.

”Well, there ought to be,” said Napoleon.

”What streets are there? I must be seen or I'll be forgotten.”

”What's the matter with a lounge in front of the Luxembourg? That will make a contrast that can't help affect the populace. You, the conqueror, ill-clad, unshaven, and with a hat full of bullet-holes, walking outside the palace, with the incompetent Directors lodged comfortably inside, will make a scene that is bound to give the people food for thought.”

”Well said!” cried Bonaparte. ”Here are the pistols go out into the woods and prepare the hat. I'll fray the collars.”

This was done, and the effect was instantaneous. The public perceived the point, and sympathy ran so high that a public dinner was offered to the returned warrior.

”I have no use for pomp, Mr. Toast-master,” he said, as he rose to speak at this banquet. ”I am not a good after-dinner speaker, but I want the people of France to know that I am grateful for this meal.

I rise only to express the thanks of a hungry man for this timely contribution to his inner self, and I wish to add that I should not willingly have added to the already heavy tax upon the pockets of a patriotic people by accepting this dinner, if it were not for the demands of nature. It is only the direst necessity that brings me here; for one must eat, and I cannot beg.”

These remarks, as may well be imagined, sent a thrill of enthusiasm throughout France and filled the Directory with consternation. The only cloud upon Bonaparte's horizon was a slight coldness which arose between himself and Josephine. She had gone to meet him on his arrival at Frejus, but by some odd mistake took the road to Burgundy, while Napoleon came by way of Lyons. They therefore missed each other.

”I could not help it,” she said, when Napoleon jealously chided her.

”I've travelled very little, and the geography of France always did puzzle me.”

”It is common sense that should have guided you, not knowledge of geography. When I sail into Port, you sail into Burgundy--you, the only woman I ever loved!” cried Napoleon, pa.s.sionately. ”Hereafter, madame, for the sake of our step-children, be more circ.u.mspect. At this time I cannot afford a trip to South Dakota for the purpose of a quiet divorce, nor would a public one pay at this juncture; but I give you fair warning that I shall not forget this escapade, and once we are settled in the--the Whatistobe, I shall remember, and another only woman I have ever loved will dawn upon your horizon.”

Bonaparte was now besieged by all the military personages of France.

His home became the Mecca of soldiers of all kinds, and in order to hold their interest the hero of the day found it necessary to draw somewhat upon the possessions which the people were convinced he was without. Never an admirer of consistency, France admired this more than ever. It was a paradox that this poverty-stricken soldier should entertain so lavishly, and the people admired the nerve which prompted him to do it, supposing, many of them, that his creditors were men of a speculative nature, who saw in the man a good-paying future investment.

Thus matters went until the evening of the 17th Brumaire, when Napoleon deemed that he had been on parade long enough, and that the hour demanded action.

”This is the month of Bromide,” he said.

”Brumaire,” whispered Bourrienne.

”I said Bromide,” retorted Napoleon, ”and the people are asleep.

Bromide has that effect. That is why I call it Bromide, and I have as much right to name my months as any one else. Wherefore I repeat, this is the month of Bromide, and the people are asleep! I will now wake them up. The garrisons of Paris and the National Guard have asked me to review them, and I'm going to do it, and I've a new set of tictacs.”

”Tactics, General, tactics,” implored Bourrienne.

”There is no use discussing words, Mr. Secretary,” retorted Bonaparte. ”It has always been the criticism of my opponents that I didn't know a tactic from a bedtick--well, perhaps I don't; and for that reason I am not going to talk about tactics with which I am not familiar, but I shall speak of tictacs, which is a game I have played from infancy, and of which I am a master. I'm going to get up a new government, Bourrienne. Summon all the generals in town, including Bernadotte. They're all with me except Bernadotte, and he'll be so unpleasant about what I tell him to do that he'll make all the others so mad they'll stick by me through thick and thin. If there's any irritating work to be done, let Joseph do it. He has been well trained in the art of irritation. I have seen Sieyes and Ducos, and have promised them front seats in the new government which my tictacs are to bring about. Barras won't have the nerve to oppose me, and Gohier and Moulin have had the ague for weeks. We'll have the review, and my first order to the troops will be to carry humps; the second will be to forward march; and the third will involve the closing of a long lease, in my name, of the Luxembourg Palace, with a salary connected with every room in the house.”

It is needless for us to go into details. The review came off as Napoleon wished, and his orders were implicitly obeyed, with the result that on the 19th of Brumaire the Directory was filed away, and Napoleon Bonaparte, with Sieyes and Ducos as fellow-consuls, were called upon to save France from anarchy.

”Well, Josephine,” said Bonaparte, on the evening of the 19th, as he put his boots outside of the door of his new apartment in the Luxembourg, ”this is better than living in a flat, and I must confess I find the feather-beds of the palace more inviting than a couch of sand under a date-tree in Africa.”

”And what are you going to do next?” asked Josephine.

”Ha!” laughed Napoleon, blowing out the candle. ”There's a woman's curiosity for you! The continuation of this entertaining story, my love, will be found in volume two of Bourrienne's attractive history, From the Tow-path to the Tuileries, now in course of preparation, and for sale by all accredited agents at the low price of ten francs a copy.”