Part 124 (1/2)
He takes my face in both hands and forces me to look at him, eyes s.h.i.+ning. ”Are you listening now?”
I attempt to nod, but he holds tightly.
”I said, I love you and I'm here for you. I don't think I have any choice, I can't let you go.”
The dreamlike atmosphere doesn't s.h.i.+ft, his admission one more weird thing to add to my s.p.a.ced out day. ”What do you mean?”
”Can I be any clearer?”
”I... But... Today you were...”
”Forget about earlier. You know I'm a dumba.s.s. I don't know what the h.e.l.l goes on in my own head sometimes.”
I smile through my tears. ”Okay. And yes, you are.”
Nate places the softest of kisses on my mouth. ”I know you don't want to deal with us right now, but don't tell me to leave because you think I don't care. I do. I want you. This”
”I think I'm in the worst nightmare of my life, and I don't think I'll remember this tomorrow.”
He laughs. ”I'll tell you again, and again, until you believe me.”
Nate wraps his arms around me, his hard warmth a place I can let myself go to, even if for a few minutes.
When I wake an hour later, I'm still in my protected place, and for a moment forget where I am and why. I s.h.i.+ft and tighten my arms around his waist, listening to Nate's steady heartbeat. I'm out of my depth too and never expected Nate to keep me afloat.
42.
RILEY.
The large bed dominates the private hospital room, and Josh sleeps. I curl up on the small sofa opposite, alert to any sound. My boisterous boy who rarely sits still lost consciousness again yesterday, for too long, and the hospital want to keep him under observation for an extra day. Subdural haematoma. Until this week, I'd never heard the words, and now they're concerned this may happen to my son. I don't understand and stare blankly at the doctor's explanations of possible complications.
Yesterday, when Josh lapsed in and out of consciousness, my feeling of powerlessness grew. Today Josh is with the world again, complaining about a headache. He had a smile for me before he slept, and I hold hope this nightmare won't end in a worse one.
I can't lose the sick feeling Josh might close his eyes and never wake up again, that the injury is worse than they're telling me, but the nurses rea.s.sure me over and over. As does Nate.
Mum comes and goes, but this exhausts her. I refuse to go home; now onto my third day here, I feel like c.r.a.p but don't want to leave Josh's side. Cards from friends and a hand-drawn card from school line up on the table by his bedside. Mum calmed my anger at the school and stopped me from calling them when I was upset. This was a pure accident. Running to the cla.s.sroom, he tripped and hit his head on the pavers, hard and in a bad place.
I walk over to the seat by Josh's bed and sit, taking Josh's hand and resting my head on the edge of the bed. Somebody knocks, the nurses always do when they come in to check on Josh, and so I don't move.
”Are you asleep?” A touch on the shoulder accompanies Nate's voice.
”No.” I keep my face buried in the rough hospital blanket. Nate refused to leave yesterday, but I wore him down, told him he'd be more use to me if he were rested. He left muttering something about my stubbornness a few hours ago, and hasn't stayed away long. I'm a step closer to believing his words yesterday.
”Have you been home yet?” Nate pulls another chair over and sits next to me. ”You look tired.”
”No.”
”Riley, you need to sleep. Let me drive you.”
”I can't.” I turn my face, looking up at him from the bed, and he touches my cheek; the concerned crease I'm becoming familiar with sits between his brows. My open Nate, sharing my rawness.
”When is your mum coming back?”
”In a couple of hours.”
”When she does, I'm taking you home.” I open my mouth to respond. ”End of. No discussion.”
I sit back heavily in my seat. ”Don't boss me around, Nate.”
”Somebody has to; you won't listen to anybody else.” I scowl and he looks at Josh. ”How's the little guy?”
”He's doing well.”
”Good.” Nate's face softens as he looks at my pale, sleeping son. ”Poor kid.”
I smile at his genuine sympathy.
”I knocked myself out when I was around his age. Will pushed me out of a tree.” I suppress a giggle and he shoves my arm. ”It's not funny!”
”Sorry. I was just thinking it would explain a lot, you getting knocked on the head.”
”Ha ha.” He closes a hand over mine. ”Good to see you smiling. Smiley Ri-”
”Don't you dare!” I push at him, attempting to frown but the glint in his eyes wins me over. Nate walked in with a sneaky determination to lighten my mood, that I'm sure of.
He grabs my arms and pulls me close, placing his lips on mine. ”You're either coming home with me or I'm taking you to your place. Josh will be fine for a few hours. They'll call you if there's any change.”
Nate's grip on my wrists matches the one he holds on every part of me, and as I look into his clear eyes, I trust him completely for the first time.
The spring suns.h.i.+ne hurts my eyes after time under the hospital lights and I'm in Nate's car less than five minutes before I nod off. I wake up groggy as the car stops outside my house.
Inside is cool, empty of life, but smells of home. I pick the post up from the doormat and sort through until Nate takes the envelopes from me and throws them on the kitchen table.
”Don't start! I've brought you home to rest.” He holds up my phone. ”And I've confiscated this in case you're tempted to call work.”
”I've left everything for a couple of days, maybe I should just-”
”Riley...” he warns. ”Get upstairs and sleep.”
”You have a very bossy way of showing you care.”