Part 80 (2/2)
”Yeah, this is just a hearing to find out whether this is gonna be pushed up to Crown Court. Lucky me.”
Will's making light of the situation; but we can't escape the seriousness. His future is threatened; everything Will lives for could be s.n.a.t.c.hed away, thanks partially to me.
”I'm sure your lawyers are good. You'll be okay.”
”I hope so.”
”You can still work? The band I mean.”
”We're going to the States after Christmas. Better make the most, if I get a criminal conviction, they might not let me into the country again.”
”Surely Jem has a few convictions? They let him in.”
Will laughs. ”Never thought of that.”
I'm on pause. Next semester I'll move on. I can't face returning to UCL and have applied for a place at York. The interview with the history department there, explaining my decision to switch universities, should be interesting.
Shaun's name isn't mentioned; but he's with us, the invisible third party who dragged Will and me into this mess. ”They arrested Shaun for s.e.xual a.s.sault too,” I say in a soft voice.
”I know. That helps, thank you.”
”No problem.”
Will reaches out and touches my cheek; and when I flinch, he draws his hand away. ”Yeah, it is big. A hard thing for you to do.”
”The whole situation was my fault.”
Will's eyes darken and his jaw pulls tight, a reminder of the man I saw that afternoon. ”No. Never. Don't even think that for a second.”
”No, not that he did that to me, but I put myself in the situation. Thought I could win against him.”
Will rests against the wall. ”Why didn't you tell me about the plagiarism charge? Or what he was doing?”
”You were busy and I didn't want to ha.s.sle you.”
”Fleur, I had all the time in the world for you. Have. Still. I would've done anything to help.”
”Like what you did? Solve the problem with your fists?”
He huffs. ”I don't know. Whatever you wanted, I'd have done.”
The man in front of me is my Will; the guy who treated me with more love and respect than the men I thought would. But the violent part of him scares me.
What if Will's protectiveness turns into an attempt to control me? Or if he turns on me one day. The thoughts niggled over the last couple of weeks. Anger was never an emotion Will showed unless it was a response to the mistreatment of those he loved, but he needs to control this or land himself in prison. What if it's too late already?
The desire to reconnect is too strong. I wrap my arms around Will's neck and bury my face into his s.h.i.+rt. My Will, whose scent pulls me back to the first time he held me, helping me home drunk. Immediately, Will's strong arms tighten around my waist and he pushes his face into my hair.
”I missed you so bad,” he whispers. ”Can we meet up later?”
I grip him tighter, fighting with my decision. My heart belongs to Will, but I'm confused. My life has turned upside down, and I'm facing uncertainty, dealing with the aftermath of a violent crime. Some nights I have flashbacks when I lie in bed, not only of Shaun's hands on me, but the savagery from my gentle guy.
”I don't know.”
This is unfair of me; I can't make Will believe we're okay. I step back. Will catches my hand and laces his fingers through mine. ”Because of what Shaun did to you?”
”Because of everything. I'm scared of you. I need time to get over what's happened to me, too. I can't stop thinking about everything.” I rub my head. ”I'm so confused, Will.”
The expression on Will's face follows me home that night. The hurt in his eyes, the genuine shock. He slumps against the wall in defeat.
”You never need to be scared of me. I will look after you, not hurt you.” He sighs. ”Part of my trial preparation is to talk about why I did... this, controlling my anger. I don't really know why though. I'm not an angry person. I just can't stand seeing people hurt.”
”So you hurt others instead?”
”I've learnt my lesson. This s.h.i.+t has screwed my life up whether I go to jail or not. People look at me differently.” He strokes the back of my hand with his thumb. ”If you can't love the man who did this, I understand; but he's not who I really am.”
”Maybe we can meet up again when things have calmed down?” I suggest. ”When's the trial?”
”March.” He touches my cheek and I flinch. ”I can't wait that long to see you again, Fleur.”
”I'm staying at my parents until after Christmas, and I don't think it's a good idea to visit me there.”
”I'm going to the States first week in January.”
Already our lives prevent us solving our situation.
”Maybe we can get together once you're back?”
”This is so wrong,” says Will and grips my hand. ”I'm sorry I f.u.c.ked things up.”
I squeeze his fingers in return. ”No, this situation isn't all you; this was a perfect storm we were dragged into.”
”Yeah. S'pose.”
”I'm sorry, Will. I need time to work through some of this on my own before I can think about us. And you need to focus on yourself.”
He nods, but his eyes don't agree. ”Will you stay for coffee or lunch or something now?”
”I don't think so. The press... I can't cope. Sorry.” The idea of pursuit surges panic and nausea through me. ”When are you back from the States?”
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