Part 34 (1/2)
34.
LONDON, ENGLAND.
TEGAN.
I leave for London a week later. The omnipotent Bryn installs me in his large apartment in the city, concerned my relations.h.i.+p with Jax still could lead to issues with fans. If his apartment wasn't as awesome, and the location closer to the offices than the house I lived in with Phoebe before the tour, I wouldn't agree. I share Bryn's concern about rabid fans, but never admit this to him. The last thing he needs is more ammunition against my involvement with the bands.
Bryn sends a car to take me to and from the PR offices in the city. I'm photographed once a day anyway, my press following would keep any unwanted attention away - apart from theirs. I refuse to do the head bowed, p.i.s.sed off look, or argue with the journalists. They'd love me to, but I smile and wave. This seems to work as I'm absent from the celebrity news. There aren't many stories they can make up if there's no picture that could be used to show discord in my relations.h.i.+p with Jax.
Jax. I haven't seen him for a few days; but unlike last time, I'm not concerned about his behaviour. I told him we could look at my time away as an experiment in being apart. The conversation last week exposed ourselves to the point of admitting what we hide. What worries me is the underlying tension in Jax, as if us being apart is more than him missing me. When I left, he made a few pointed comments that sounded as if he thinks I'm rejecting him, which is weird.
I have a desk overlooking the London skyline and to be honest could become used to this. Especially when I'm told how much the company will pay me for my work on the campaign. If this is what I'm paid, Riley must be loaded. The money made from a career in a decent PR firm is reflected in how a lot of the other girls in the office dress. Designer clothes and accessories. Well, I presume they're designer. Their gear looks expensive and they often return from lunch with shopping bags imprinted with brand names I could never afford.
Riley doesn't mix with them, neither do I. I work with her and a guy named Julian. I met him briefly at the party in Portugal, but we never chatted. He's a nice guy, a world away from the men in my life recently, in looks and att.i.tude. I'm intrigued by his impressive beard and fight against touching it. Inappropriate, I know, but I haven't met a man rocking the lumbers.e.xual image before. One thing he has in common with Jax is the focus on his work and future, only without the girls and alcohol that's part of the rock star lifestyle.
I never noticed how entrenched I'd become in the weird world of stardom, even with the surreal turn of events once I started dating Jax. At least in this environment, I'm Tegan, not Tegan Hughes, Bryn's sister and Jax's accessory.
I miss Jax a h.e.l.l of a lot; the s.p.a.ce in my life I told him about is empty again. That s.p.a.ce doesn't need to remain empty. After the tour, Ruby Riot will finish recording the alb.u.m in London, we can stay in London together, navigate our relations.h.i.+p into new waters. I could stay after this project is done - go to uni and take a course that fits with the role I have now, because I love the work.
I tell myself these plans are focused solely on what I want, but I'm lying to myself that Jax isn't a big part of my decision. I'm caught in the pull between continuing to travel or stay with the man who has a firm grip on my heart. He's pulled me away from the direction I was heading, and currently we're side by side.
If I didn't think we could make this work, I wouldn't try.
35.
MANCHESTER, ENGLAND.
JAX.
Will cancels the call and throws the phone in the air before deftly catching it. ”This is gonna be one h.e.l.l of a wrap up party.”
I sit on the table. ”Who've you invited?”
Will lists off, alphabetically, half of our old Sixth Form cla.s.s and a fair few names I recognise from uni. He finishes with a grin.
”Holy s.h.i.+t! That's fifty people, man.”
”They won't all come.”
”You reckon?”
”Yeah. It'll be cool. Some can see our awesomeness backstage, and we'll invite the important people back for our own personal party.”
I shake my head. ”Hope you told our resident PR guru what to expect. Twins Gone Wild.”
Nate wanders in with a burger in his hand. ”What we doing now?” he asks and takes a bite.
”You need to talk to your... whatever she is,” I say to him.
”Who?”
”Riley. Your girlfriend. Will's invited half of Oxfords.h.i.+re to the wrap up party,” I say.
Nate pauses. ”She's nothing to do with me.”
”Yeah, right,” mutters Will.
”Riley knows the score,” retorts Nate. ”I don't date, that's Jax's avenue.” He shoves the rest of the burger in his mouth and scrunches the wrapper into a ball.
”You still s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g her?” asks Will.
”Who says I was?” Nate throws the balled paper at his brother's head.
As they argue over whether Nate's lying, I check my phone. No call from Tegan. Following the conversation last week, I wavered between p.i.s.sed off she wanted to leave me and happy something positive is happening to her after the drama she's put up with. I'm facing a double-edged sword: if Tegan works with our PR, she won't travel and hopefully stays in London. But if she starts her own career, our lifestyles could clash further. Plus, she could find somebody else more suited to her.
In the end, she compromised and returned to London a few days before we were due back in the UK, rather than a week. Tegan claimed this was only because she wanted to visit Milan, but we both know being together was part of her decision.
The UK leg starts in Manchester tomorrow, and Tegan intended to visit. Now she's unsure she can travel here, throwing herself into her work. The more Tegan talks to me about this, the more Tegan sounds as if she wants to take on the PR gig permanently. I'm proud - she must be b.l.o.o.d.y good to be taken under their wing so quickly - but jealous too. I don't want to lose her. I want to be the centre of her world the way she is to me. I didn't realise how far into an obsession with her I'd fallen.
Months of the world falling at my feet, of getting everything I want, and now the very thing I want most could slip away. Tegan tells me she doesn't want to be just Jax Lewis's girlfriend; but what if she returns to reality, and I don't fit her plans anymore?
36.
TEGAN.
The longer I'm away from Jax, the further away from his weird and wonderful world I am. Despite the fun of touring, I enjoy the ordinariness of a drink after work with normal people, because the scrutiny doesn't come as part of the evening fun. Usually this is with the core group of girls from work, but tonight I persuade the less pretentious Claire and Zoe to visit somewhere less expensive. I'd swap a fancy, overpriced bar for a suburban pub any day and sit at the scratched circular table on a low, stained stool.
I asked Riley and Julian if they want to come along. Riley declined my offer, but Julian enthusiastically agreed. I'm surprised Riley travelled with the tour as long as she did because she becomes edgy about working late and rarely joins us for a drink in the evenings. Admittedly, I'm often on the edge of work-related conversations and spend the time exchanging texts with Jax so there's little point me being out with them either.
The s.p.a.ce in the pub shrinks as people cram in for the beginning of their evening. This is a student suburb, the atmosphere and patrons unpretentious and laidback. As Claire and Zoe chat about the latest scandals between people I've never heard of, I drift off into thoughts of Jax. Julian approaches, sets down a fresh beer for me, and sits on the stool. Earlier, I persuaded him to spill secrets about other agency clients. I smiled at his tales of the latest music industry darling, Dani-Kay's, princess nature, and he whispered secrets about the boy band star who he's stumbled across with men, when he's the centre of most teen girls' worlds.
”I don't think you're having much fun tonight,” he remarks after half an hour.
”That obvious?”
”Yeah, your bored face is hard to hide.” He pulls a face to demonstrate, and switches to a grin. ”I know Claire and Zoe are dying to ask you questions.”
”Why?”