Part 28 (1/2)
”f.u.c.k!” I yell and stomp past him.
”Tegan!”
My chest constricts with anger, the cloying scent of hotel cleaning products and stale carpets a huge contrast to the smell of nature I left outside. The quiet drives me nuts. I'm suffocating. After a week of semi-isolation, I can't do this anymore.
Jax follows me to my room. I swipe the card and fling the door open, and turn to him. ”Leave me alone.”
”Tegan, talk to me!”
”I'm too f.u.c.king angry! I need to clear my head!”
I attempt to close the door, but Jax catches it before I can. ”Tough!” He pushes past me into the room and I slam the door, turning to look at him. ”Why the att.i.tude?”
”I'm going home!” I shout, surprised at my words. I am?
Jax stares at me, wide-eyed. ”What? Why?”
”Because I can't do this.” I wave my hand around the room. ”Jax, I spent months alone travelling because I didn't want to be stuck in England. I came here because I wanted to experience Europe and a tour. Now I can't go out without permission? This is bulls.h.i.+t!”
Jax places the cups on the table and reaches out to me. I step back and cross my arms defensively. ”Tegan, please. This will get better. Don't leave the tour.”
”I'll come back. I need to go away until I can breathe again.”
”You can't! You need to stay.” His tone isn't that of a lover wanting me with him, but a demand. Not a good idea, Jax.
”Need to?”
”I don't know what I'd do without you here.” Again, the message behind his words isn't romantic, but something else.
I straighten. ”You don't know what you'd do?”
”Yeah, I mean, I get drunk and do stupid s.h.i.+t, don't I?”
My chest tightens further. Am I hearing him right? ”Are you telling me you'll screw other girls if I'm not here?”
”I don't think so, but I -”
”What the f.u.c.k?” I yell. ”You don't think so? 'No' was the correct response there, you d.i.c.khead!”
”No. I meant no. f.u.c.k!” He reaches out again but my scowl is enough for him to keep his distance. ”Tegan, with you around, I don't behave the same. If you're gone, I'll start hanging with Will and Nate more. Drinking, 'cause I'll miss you.”
An image of the Portuguese girl on his lap in the club flashes into my mind. ”Your choice, Jax. You can still have fun without getting wasted, and have a great time without s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g the first girl to stick her t.i.ts in your face!”
”I will. Won't. f.u.c.k, you know what I mean but things would be easier with you here. I won't be tempted to do stupid s.h.i.+t.”
”OhmiG.o.d!” I take a shaky breath and close my eyes. Calm. Now. I don't do this. I don't have slanging matches with guys. I definitely don't let them under my skin. ”I think you'd better leave now.”
”Tegan...” Jax attempts to take hold of me again and I push him away, close to las.h.i.+ng out. So much for the calm.
”Go!” I shout.
”What are you going to do? Will you leave?”
”What the h.e.l.l does it matter to you? I don't f.u.c.king believe this!”
Jax backs away as my voice continues to rise. ”You won't leave.”
”Oh, yeah?”
”Fine. There's no point talking to you when you're behaving like this.”
I make a derisive noise. ”Maybe you should think before you open your big mouth!”
”For f.u.c.k's sake, Tegan. Don't you think you're overreacting?”
Wrong thing to say to a woman. Always. This man has a s.h.i.+tload to learn about the opposite s.e.x. Such as not telling someone, who thought she was your girlfriend, you might be unfaithful if she's not around.
”Go.” I walk stiffly to the door and yank it open. ”I'll let you know when I leave.”
He stares at me for a few moments and shakes his head. ”Make sure you do.”
When Jax leaves, I rest a hand against the closed door, desperately holding together the angry hurt threatening to tear me apart. I put myself through the bulls.h.i.+t of not being able to live my life properly, to date a guy who's not sure he can be faithful? I've spent a week stuck inside hotels, seven days away from the whole reason I decided to come on tour.
p.i.s.sed off over how smug Bryn's going to be when I tell him I'm leaving, I head to the shower where I can wash away the stress and make a final decision.
JAX.
I stand outside Tegan's door, dazed by what just happened. Wow. I know Tegan is a determined, pa.s.sionate chick who doesn't take c.r.a.p from people, but I never expected her to be this volatile. Tegan's b.l.o.o.d.y-mindedness sets her apart in her world. In mine, Tegan's att.i.tude causes trouble.
Seriously, what the f.u.c.k was she thinking going out alone? Tina's monitoring everything press related and is convinced we only needed to wait a few days and things will calm. What's wrong with hanging inside for a few extra days? h.e.l.l, I'll take Tegan back to the cities she's missed visiting one day soon.
But spontaneously deciding to leave? Talk about overreaction.
I'm p.i.s.sed off with myself for speaking my mind too. I said those things in a desperate and misguided attempt to persuade Tegan to stay. She's right. I'm a d.i.c.khead who needs to engage brain before opening mouth. When I walked away, I could've smacked myself; I know Tegan wanted to. I wouldn't touch another girl, not while she wanted me. Us.
Would I?
The rest of the day, I search my heart, asking myself that question over and over. I fought for Tegan and told the world. I'm sure drunk Jax would remember this. Surely, Tegan's buried deep enough into my subconscious that I wouldn't forget her when I was out with the guys and my brain was on standby.
Then there's the other possibility. What if Tegan doesn't come back? How long do I wait for her? Is she saying this is over?
28.
JAX.