Part 3 (1/2)
115. I remember that one day, as I was travelling into the country, and musing on the wickedness and blasphemy of my heart, and considering the enmity that was in me to G.o.d, that scripture came into my mind, _Having made peace through the blood of His cross_. Col. i. 20. By which I was made to see, both again and again, that G.o.d and my soul were friends by His blood; yea, I saw that the justice of G.o.d, and my sinful soul could embrace and kiss each other, through His blood. This was a good day to me; I hope I shall never forget it.
116. At another time, as I sat by the fire in my house, and was musing on my wretchedness, the Lord made that also a precious word unto me, _Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood_, _He also Himself likewise took part of the same_, _that through death He might destroy him that had the power of death_, _that is the devil_; _and deliver those who through fear of death_, _were all their lifetime subject to bondage_. Heb. ii. 14, 15. I thought that the glory of these words was then so weighty on me, that I was both once and twice ready to swoon as I sate; yet not with grief and trouble, but with solid joy and peace.
117. At this time also I sate under of holy Mr _Gifford_, whose doctrine, by G.o.d's grace, was much for my stability. This man made it much his business to deliver the people of G.o.d from all those false and unsound tests, that by nature we are p.r.o.ne to. He would bid us take special heed, that we took not up any truth upon trust; as from this, or that, or any other man or men; but to cry mightily to G.o.d, that He would convince us of the reality thereof, and set us down therein by His own Spirit in the holy word; _For_, said he, _if you do otherwise_, _when temptations come_, _if strongly_, _you not having received them with evidence from heaven_, _will find you want that help and strength now to resist_, _that once you thought you had_.
118. This was as seasonable to my soul, as the former and latter rains in their season (for I had found, and that by sad experience, the truth of these his words: for I had felt _no man can say_, especially when tempted by the devil, _that Jesus Christ is Lord_, _but by the Holy Ghost_). Wherefore I found my soul, through grace, very apt to drink in this doctrine, and to incline to pray to G.o.d, that in nothing that pertained to G.o.d's glory, and my own eternal happiness, He would suffer me to be without the confirmation thereof from heaven; for now I saw clearly, there was an exceeding difference betwixt the notion of the flesh and blood, and the revelations of G.o.d in heaven: also a great difference betwixt that faith that is feigned, and according to man's wisdom, and that which comes by a man's being born thereto of G.o.d. Matt.
xvi. 15; 1 John v. 1.
119. But, oh! now, how was my soul led from truth to truth by G.o.d! Even from the birth and cradle of the Son of G.o.d, to His accession, and second coming from heaven to judge the world!
120. Truly, I then found, upon this account, the great G.o.d was very good unto me; for, to my remembrance, there was not any thing that I then cried unto G.o.d to make known, and reveal unto me, but He was pleased to do it for me; I mean, not one part of the gospel of the Lord Jesus, but I was orderly led into it: methought I saw with great evidence, from the relation of the four evangelists, the wonderful work of G.o.d, in giving Jesus Christ to save us, from His conception and birth, even to His second coming to judgment: methought I was as if I had seen Him born, as if I had seen Him grow up; as if I had seen Him walk through this world, from the cradle to the cross; to which also, when He came, I saw how gently He gave Himself to be hanged, and nailed on it for my sins and wicked doings. Also as I was musing on this His progress, that dropped on my spirit, _He was ordained for the slaughter_. 1 Peter i. 12, 20.
121. When I have considered also the truth of His resurrection, and have remembered that word, _Touch Me not_, _Mary_, etc., I have seen as if He had leaped out of the grave's mouth, for joy that He was risen again, and had got the conquest over our dreadful foes. John xx. 17. I have also in the spirit, seen Him a man, on the right hand of G.o.d the Father for me; and have seen the manner of His coming from heaven, to judge the world with glory, and have been confirmed in these things by these scriptures following, Acts i. 9, 10, and vii. 56, and x. 42; Heb. vii. 24 and ix. 28; Rev. i. 18; 1 Thess. iv. 17, 18.
112. Once I was troubled to know whether the Lord Jesus was man as well as G.o.d, and G.o.d as well as man: and truly, in those days, let men say what they would, unless I had it with evidence from heaven, all was nothing to me; I counted myself not set down in any truth of G.o.d. Well, I was much troubled about this point, and could not tell how to be resolved; at last, that in Rev. v. 6 came into my mind: _And I beheld_, _and_, _to_, _in the midst of the throne_, _and of the four beasts_, _and in the midst of the elders_, _stood a Lamb_, _as it had been slain_. In the midst of the throne, thought I, there is the G.o.dhead; in the midst of the elders, there is His manhood; but, oh! methought this did glister!
It was a goodly touch, and gave me sweet satisfaction. That other scripture also did help me much in this, _For unto us a Child is born_, _unto us a Son is given_; _and the government shall be upon His shoulder_: _and His name shall be called Wonderful_, _Counsellor_, _the Mighty G.o.d_, _the Everlasting Father_, _the Prince of Peace_, etc. Isa.
ix. 6.
123. Also besides these teachings of G.o.d in His word, the Lord made use of two things to confirm me in this truth; the one was the errors of the Quakers and the other was the guilt of sin; for as the Quakers did oppose this truth, so G.o.d did the more confirm me in it, by leading me into the scripture that did wonderfully maintain it.
124. The errors that this people then maintained, were:-
'1. That the holy scriptures were not the word of G.o.d.
'2. That every man in the world had the spirit of Christ, grace, faith, etc.
'3. That Christ Jesus, as crucified, and dying sixteen hundred years ago, did not satisfy divine justice for the sins of the people.
'4. That Christ's flesh and blood were within the saints.
'5. That the bodies of the good and bad that are buried in the church-yard, shall not arise again.
'6. That the resurrection is past with good men already.
'7. That that man Jesus, that was crucified between two thieves, on mount _Calvary_, in the land of _Canaan_, by _Jerusalem_, was not ascended above the starry heavens.
'8. That He should not, even the same Jesus that died by the hands of the Jews, come again at the last day; and as man, judge all nations,'
etc.
125. Many more vile and abominable things were in those days fomented by them, by which I was driven to a more narrow search of the scriptures, and was through their light and testimony, not only enlightened, but greatly confirmed and comforted in the truth: And, as I said, the guilt of sin did help me much; for still as that would come upon me, the blood of Christ did take it off again, and again, and again; and that too sweetly, according to the scripture. _O friends_! _cry to G.o.d to reveal Jesus Christ unto you_; _there is none teacheth like Him_.
126. It would be too long here to stay, to tell you in particular, how G.o.d did set me down in all the things of Christ, and how He did, that He might so do, lead me into His words; yea, and also how He did open them unto me, and make them s.h.i.+ne before me, and cause them to dwell with me, talk with me, and comfort me over and over, both of His own being, and the being of His Son, and Spirit, and word, and gospel.
127. Only this, as I said before, I will say unto you again, that in general, He was pleased to take this course with me; first, to suffer me to be afflicted with temptations concerning them, and then reveal them unto me; as sometimes I should lie under great guilt for sin, even crushed to the ground therewith; and then the Lord would show me the death of Christ; yea, so sprinkle my conscience with His blood, that I should find, and that before I was aware, that in that conscience, where but just now did reign and rage the law, even there would rest and abide the peace and love of G.o.d, through Christ.
128. Now I had an evidence, as I thought, of my salvation, from heaven, with many golden seals thereon, all hanging in my sight. Now could I remember this manifestation, and the other discovery of grace, with comfort; and should often long and desire that the last day were come, that I might be for ever inflamed with the sight, and joy, and communion of Him, Whose head was crowned with thorns, Whose face was spit upon, and body broken, and soul made an offering for my sins. For whereas before I lay continually trembling at the mouth of h.e.l.l, now methought I was got so far therefrom, that I could not, when I looked back, scarce discern it! And oh! thought I, that I were fourscore years old now, that I might die quickly, that my soul might be gone to rest.
129. But before I had got thus far out of these my temptations, I did greatly long to see some ancient G.o.dly man's experience, who had writ some hundreds of years before I was born; for those who had writ in our days, I thought (but I desire them now to pardon me) that they had writ only that which others felt; or else had, through the strength of their wits and parts, studied to answer such objections as they perceived others were perplexed with, without going down themselves into the deep.
Well, after many such longings in my mind, the G.o.d, in Whose hands are all our days and ways, did cast into my hand (one day) a book of _Martin Luther's_; it was his Comment on the _Galatians_; it also was so old, that it was ready to fall piece from piece if I did but turn it over.