Part 9 (1/2)
”Somehow I'll escape,” is the fatal thought which blinds the poor fool who, for the first time, treads the path of self-indulgence or wrong-doing. But he ought to know that escape is impossible. No cave is dark enough, no ocean deep enough to hide the transgressor from the consequences of his misdeeds. A kind heaven may forgive him, and the one he injures may overlook the offence; but his own body and mind cannot forget; they have registered the deed once for all and it can never be atoned for or forgotten. The doing of a bad deed changes the individual in some particular, slight or great as the case may be, and, pathetic though it seems, he cannot go back and try it over again; the scar remains, as if seared by a hot iron, and, if the hurt is serious enough, heredity may pa.s.s it down the ages.
How easily a bad habit is formed. ”It won't hurt me” is whispered by the siren voice of temptation, because the consequences of the transgression are not felt or seen immediately, a second offence seems less serious than the first. Soon habit steps in and stamps the process on mind and body and before the author is conscious of it, a serious appet.i.te or a degrading vice is fastened upon him from which neither time nor effort, prayers nor tears, may ever shake him free.
”_Vice is a monster of such frightful mien, That to be hated needs but to be seen, But seen too oft, familiar with its face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace_.”
--Pope.
The child must be trained early to know: ”The way of the transgressor is hard,” and ”He that sows the wind must reap the whirlwind.” It is a great mistake for the parent to step in and free the child from the consequences of his first wrong acts. Let the consequences fall on his own head, and perchance they will teach him wisdom. The true purpose of punishment is to teach the necessity of obedience to law. Everything that is good and desirable will come to him who obeys the law upon which the blessing is predicated; every evil falls on the head of him who constantly violates law. In the final a.n.a.lysis, the punishments which nature inflicts are kind, because they are warnings which, if heeded, will prevent serious injury.
The purpose of all discipline is to produce a self-governing individual, not one who needs to be governed by someone else. Until a person learns to govern himself he counts for little in this world.
Two serious mistakes are made in child government. One is the indulgence of a soft, vacillating policy by the parent which permits a child to s.h.i.+rk his duties and to escape from the natural results of his misdeeds. Through the parent's taking upon his own shoulders the consequences of the child's wrong-doing, the child is lured into the false belief that duty may be s.h.i.+rked, responsibility set aside, and life be made to yield one sweet round of pleasure. How will a child so trained be prepared to endure the disappointments and heartaches of a world which compels each of us to drink his portion of the bitter hemlock?
The other mistake is to employ unnatural or arbitrary punishments. Even the smallest child has an instinctive idea of justice and resents anything which he regards as unjust. On the other hand, he learns quickly the inevitableness with which pain follows the violation of law, and how certain is the working out of cause and effect.
Mrs. Harrison gives this admirable ill.u.s.tration: ”The little one puts his hand upon the hot stove; no whirlwind from without rushes in and pushes the hand away from the stove, then with loud and vengeful blasts scolds him for his heedlessness or wrong-doing. He simply is burned--the natural consequences of his own deed; and the fire quietly glows on, regardless of the pain which he is suffering. If again he transgresses the law, again he is burned as quietly as before, with no expostulation, threat, or warning.
He quickly learns the lesson and avoids the fire thereafter, bearing no grudge against it.”
When the child scatters her toys and playthings all over the room, the natural penalty is to require that they be gathered up and the room made tidy; when the boy scampers across the newly-cleaned floor with his muddy boots, he should be made to mop up the floor carefully; thus in a thousand similar ways, the parent may train the child to observe care and order in everything done.
Nothing is more beautiful than a large family where each child is taught to care for and to rely upon himself, and to give a little willing service to others. But the tired mother will remark, ”Oh, yes, that all sounds very nice, but mothers have no time to spare to eternally watch and train their children.” Hold a moment, there is a fallacy here; she ought to say, ”I have no time to spare because I failed to train the children in the manner mentioned.” In no other way can the mother save so much time as by taking a little time at first to train the child to be neat, tidy and orderly, or later to feel the inevitable consequences of violating law.
Instead of saving time in this sensible way, too often the mother loses both time and the love of her child through becoming irritable and scolding the little one for every offence committed. Nothing is worse than scolding, a sound thras.h.i.+ng administered now and then is far less cruel. Nearly every evil instinct in the child is aroused through fault-finding and scolding.
How long will it take to teach the parent, once for all, that scolding, nagging, shutting up in the dark closets, and every other form of arbitrary punishment arouse in the child a sense of injustice and resentment, which, if not corrected later, will result in estrangement and loss of love between parent and child? The child has a right to expect justice from his parent. Only where this is found will the child develop that sense of freedom and independence of thought and action which produce the highest type of individual--one who is able to govern himself.
”But what shall be done when more serious offences are committed?” The parent may well ask. In all likelihood there will be no serious offences if the slight ones are treated properly. A mother came to me with her face full of suppressed suffering. ”What shall I do?” she remarked, ”I have discovered that my boy steals money from his father's purse.” ”Give him a purse of his own,” I answered, ”and give him ways of earning money of his own.” It is a.s.serted that more than half the boys sent to reform schools go there because of theft. How many of them might have been saved if they had been taught how to earn and to know the value of an honest dollar?
But so long as human nature is imperfect, and frailty so common, we must expect in every family some occasion to arise that will tax the patience and the love of the parent to the uttermost. No rule can be given that will meet every crisis; common sense, justice, forbearance, faith and love may be used in vain; and reproof, censure, and corporal punishment may also fail in some supreme emergency, the only recourse that remains after all these are exhausted is to permit the natural consequences of the deed to fall upon the head of the transgressor.
Rule: _Parents should rarely punish the child, but should permit the consequences of carelessness and wrong-doing to fall upon his own head.
Wisdom results from suffering pains and taking pains_.
LESSON XVII
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Why do evil consequences follow bad deeds?
2. In what sense are nature's punishments kind?
3. What two mistakes are common in child government?
4. Ill.u.s.trate how natural punishment may be employed by parents.
5. What may be resorted to in serious cases? For further discussion and study of this subject the following references will be found helpful: