Part 44 (1/2)

”Candy?”

”It's s'posed to have candy in it.” Her lower lip started trembling and the Hallmark high began to melt into a bad trip.

”Oh. Well, this one has this cool picture,” Glen said, pointing.

Amy began to sniff-little sobby sniffs that heralded a tear storm.

Oh, no, not that. Glen knelt in front of her. ”I tell you what. I'll get you some special candies tomorrow and every day you can open the calendar and have one.”

She was still looking at him with sad eyes, but she sniffed again and nodded.

”Now, go find Mommy and tell her you're ready for bed.” He'd done his part for the night. Laura could put 'em to bed.

”But I want a candy,” Amy protested.

Obviously, they had a lack of communication here. ”Daddy still has to get the candy,” Glen explained.

”I want candy,” Tyler whined, and Amy began to sniff again.

”Okay, tell you what. Tomorrow you can both have two candies. How's that? Two honkin' big candies,” he added, stretching his arms wide for effect.

That seemed to be okay. ”All right,” said Amy with a smile.

”Okay. Give me five.”

Both kids giggled and slapped his open palm.

”Now, how about a kiss?”

Amy obliged and he hugged her. He hugged Tyler next and sent him off after his sister. Then he let out a sigh and went in search of more Excedrin. Lord. How did his wife go through this every year?

Bob woke up on Friday morning with the uncomfortable feeling that something unpleasant was hanging over his head. The bonbons.

He moaned and rolled over in bed, pulling the covers tightly around him. What had he been thinking when he let Joy dare him into making candy?

He'd been thinking of his daughter, of course. She'd have been hurt if he'd said he didn't want to do this.

And then there was Joy. If he'd refused to be a sport he would have found himself labeled as the world's biggest villain. Would have? Who was he kidding? It seemed like he was always doing something to tick his wife off these days. It had to be those hormonally induced mood swings, because sometimes she seemed to be mad at him for simply breathing. How long did menopause last, anyway? Well, it wouldn't be over by tonight, so he might as well get up and get to the store to find the ingredients.

Joy was already gone. She'd said something the day before about errands and meeting someone for lunch, which had been fine with him. He never minded when she left him to go do things. He always figured that the more she went out with her friends, the less she'd want to import a crowd into their house.

For years they'd argued and negotiated the size of her guest list every time she felt the need for a party. It always wound up fewer people than she wanted and more than he liked. Lots more. Just once he'd like to have the number of guests in his house that he felt comfortable with.

The happy realization dawned on him that since Joy was on strike this Christmas he didn't have to have any party. The thought cheered him, and he was smiling when he entered the kitchen in search of morning coffee.

Next to the coffeemaker sat the bonbon recipe and a short note. ”Happy shopping. See you later.”

Shopping for ingredients to make something he could just go to the store and buy-what a waste of time! Bob downed a bowl of Joy's homemade granola, then showered and made his trek to the store.

Shopping basket in hand, he studied the ingredients listed on the recipe and realized his wife knew a foreign language, one he had never had to learn. What on earth was ”pwd. sug”? ”Choc chips” was easy to figure, so he got those. He couldn't find the brand specified on the recipe, but chocolate chips were chocolate chips so he just grabbed a couple of bags and dropped them into the basket. ”Marg.” Marg? He stood a moment, scowling at the list. ”Swt. condensed milk.” The only milk Bob knew about came in cartons or jugs. And that was the kind of thing he was used to getting sent to the store for: milk, eggs, lettuce. When it came to baking, Joy's specialty, she preferred to handle those necessities herself. But now here he was being Joy, handling it all, and all without having the necessary information downloaded into his brain. It could take him hours to figure out the shorthand on this recipe card. He needed to find a translator.

He heard the sound of an approaching grocery cart and looked up hopefully. Another man, probably no help there. His fellow shopper came down the aisle and Bob turned to study the raisins, keeping his shopping basket in front of him so the other guy couldn't see into it. Somehow, chocolate chips didn't seem like a manly sort of thing to be carrying around, and Bob felt a little like he'd been caught browsing in the feminine protection aisle.

”S'cuze me,” said the other guy as he leaned past Bob and took a box of raisins off the shelf.

Bob felt his face heating. He nodded and turned, hiding his chocolate chips.

The man wheeled off down the aisle, and Bob looked again at the Greek on the recipe card, willing his brain to understand it.

And then deliverance rounded the corner, a middle-aged woman pus.h.i.+ng a half-full shopping cart. Bob flagged her down.

”My wife sent me to the store to get some items for her candy recipe, but I'm not sure what some of the things on her list mean,” Bob confessed, feeling like an idiot. It was awkward to have to ask a stranger for help, like stopping and asking for directions in the days before GPS. He had to remind himself he'd feel like a bigger idiot if he failed in his quest for candy makings.

”Could you help me?” He held out the recipe card.

”Sure,” she said, smiling sympathetically at him. ”What exactly don't you understand?”

He pointed to the undecipherable shorthand. ”I'm not sure what this 'pwd. sug.' is.”

”Oh, that's powdered sugar. Let's see, you need three boxes.” She pulled three blue and white boxes off the shelf and dropped them into his basket.

”And 'swt. condensed milk'?” he asked.

”Sweetened condensed milk. Over here.” He trailed her down the aisle and watched while she scooped a little can off the shelf. ”And do you have the paraffin wax at home?” she asked.

He had no idea. And why that was even included in this list of ingredients was way beyond him. They were making candy, not candles. What on earth did they need wax for?

His translator found that, too, and added it to his basket. ”Now you just need your flavorings and you're about done.”

”What about this 'marg.'?”

”That's probably margarine.”

”Oh.” Bob nodded.

”And the extracts you want are right down there,” she added, pointing to the end of the aisle.

”Great,” he said. ”Thanks.”

”You're welcome,” she said, then wheeled away down the aisle, leaving Bob feeling like he'd just been rescued by the female counterpart to the Lone Ranger. Who was that masked woman?

His elation was short-lived. He reached the extract shelf and was almost overwhelmed by the variety of flavorings available. Joy's recipe didn't specify what kind to get. It just said flavorings. After several minutes of careful study, he decided to take a bottle of each. Okay, that should do it.

Back home he proudly set all his purchases on the counter. Poor Joy. Her plan to shame and manipulate him into becoming a good little boy for the holidays was completely backfiring. He outsmarted her at every turn. Elementary, my dear Watson.

He chuckled and sauntered down the hall to his office, back to his computer, where words made sense.