Part 31 (2/2)
would I have said to them, ”give so much means for me to buy pleasure with, as a relief to my hours of labour”--You will observe at the end of this if you put down the letter, ”How a solitary life engenders pride and egotism!” True--I know it does: but this pride and egotism will enable me to write finer things than anything else could--so I will indulge it. Just so much as I am humbled by the genius above my grasp am I exalted and look with hate and contempt upon the literary world.--A drummer-boy who holds out his hand familiarly to a field Marshal,--that drummer-boy with me is the good word and favour of the public. Who could wish to be among the common-place crowd of the little famous--who are each individually lost in a throng made up of themselves? Is this worth louting or playing the hypocrite for? To beg suffrages for a seat on the benches of a myriad-aristocracy in letters? This is not wise.--I am not a wise man--'Tis pride--I will give you a definition of a proud man--He is a man who has neither Vanity nor Wisdom--One filled with hatreds cannot be vain, neither can he be wise. Pardon me for hammering instead of writing.
Remember me to Woodhouse Hessey and all in Percy Street.
Ever yours sincerely
JOHN KEATS.
CXII.--TO JOHN HAMILTON REYNOLDS.
Winchester, August 25 [1819].
My dear Reynolds--By this post I write to Rice, who will tell you why we have left Shanklin; and how we like this place. I have indeed scarcely anything else to say, leading so monotonous a life, except I was to give you a history of sensations, and day-nightmares. You would not find me at all unhappy in it, as all my thoughts and feelings which are of the selfish nature, home speculations, every day continue to make me more iron--I am convinced more and more, every day, that fine writing is, next to fine doing, the top thing in the world; the Paradise Lost becomes a greater wonder. The more I know what my diligence may in time probably effect, the more does my heart distend with Pride and Obstinacy--I feel it in my power to become a popular writer--I feel it in my power to refuse the poisonous suffrage of a public. My own being which I know to be becomes of more consequence to me than the crowds of Shadows in the shape of men and women that inhabit a kingdom. The soul is a world of itself, and has enough to do in its own home. Those whom I know already, and who have grown as it were a part of myself, I could not do without: but for the rest of mankind, they are as much a dream to me as Milton's Hierarchies. I think if I had a free and healthy and lasting organisation of heart, and lungs as strong as an ox's so as to be able to bear unhurt the shock of extreme thought and sensation without weariness, I could pa.s.s my life very nearly alone though it should last eighty years. But I feel my body too weak to support me to the height, I am obliged continually to check myself, and be nothing. It would be vain for me to endeavour after a more reasonable manner of writing to you. I have nothing to speak of but myself, and what can I say but what I feel? If you should have any reason to regret this state of excitement in me, I will turn the tide of your feelings in the right Channel, by mentioning that it is the only state for the best sort of Poetry--that is all I care for, all I live for. Forgive me for not filling up the whole sheet; Letters become so irksome to me, that the next time I leave London I shall pet.i.tion them all to be spared me. To give me credit for constancy, and at the same time waive letter writing will be the highest indulgence I can think of.
Ever your affectionate friend
JOHN KEATS.
CXIII.--TO f.a.n.n.y KEATS.
Winchester, August 28 [1819].
My dear f.a.n.n.y--You must forgive me for suffering so long a s.p.a.ce to elapse between the dates of my letters. It is more than a fortnight since I left Shanklin chiefly for the purpose of being near a tolerable Library, which after all is not to be found in this place. However we like it very much: it is the pleasantest Town I ever was in, and has the most recommendations of any. There is a fine Cathedral which to me is always a source of amus.e.m.e.nt, part of it built 1400 years ago; and the more modern by a magnificent Man, you may have read of in our History, called William of Wickham. The whole town is beautifully wooded. From the Hill at the eastern extremity you see a prospect of Streets, and old Buildings mixed up with Trees. Then there are the most beautiful streams about I ever saw--full of Trout. There is the Foundation of St. Croix about half a mile in the fields--a charity greatly abused. We have a Collegiate School, a Roman catholic School; a chapel ditto and a Nunnery! And what improves it all is, the fas.h.i.+onable inhabitants are all gone to Southampton. We are quiet--except a fiddle that now and then goes like a gimlet through my Ears--our Landlady's son not being quite a Proficient. I have still been hard at work, having completed a Tragedy I think I spoke of to you. But there I fear all my labour will be thrown away for the present, as I hear Mr. Kean is going to America. For all I can guess I shall remain here till the middle of October--when Mr. Brown will return to his house at Hampstead; whither I shall return with him. I some time since sent the Letter I told you I had received from George to Haslam with a request to let you and Mrs. Wylie see it: he sent it back to me for very insufficient reasons without doing so; and I was so irritated by it that I would not send it travelling about by the post any more: besides the postage is very expensive. I know Mrs. Wylie will think this a great neglect. I am sorry to say my temper gets the better of me--I will not send it again. Some correspondence I have had with Mr. Abbey about George's affairs--and I must confess he has behaved very kindly to me as far as the wording of his Letter went. Have you heard any further mention of his retiring from Business? I am anxious to hear whether Hodgkinson, whose name I cannot bear to write, will in any likelihood be thrown upon himself. The delightful Weather we have had for two Months is the highest gratification I could receive--no chill'd red noses--no s.h.i.+vering--but fair atmosphere to think in--a clean towel mark'd with the mangle and a basin of clear Water to drench one's face with ten times a day: no need of much exercise--a Mile a day being quite sufficient. My greatest regret is that I have not been well enough to bathe though I have been two Months by the seaside and live now close to delicious bathing--Still I enjoy the Weather--I adore fine Weather as the greatest blessing I can have. Give me Books, fruit, French wine and fine weather and a little music out of doors, played by somebody I do not know--not pay the price of one's time for a jig--but a little chance music: and I can pa.s.s a summer very quietly without caring much about Fat Louis, fat Regent or the Duke of Wellington.
Why have you not written to me? Because you were in expectation of George's Letter and so waited? Mr. Brown is copying out our Tragedy of Otho the Great in a superb style--better than it deserves--there as I said is labour in vain for the present. I had hoped to give Kean another opportunity to s.h.i.+ne. What can we do now? There is not another actor of Tragedy in all London or Europe. The Covent Garden Company is execrable.
Young is the best among them and he is a ranting c.o.xcombical tasteless Actor--a Disgust, a Nausea--and yet the very best after Kean. What a set of barren a.s.ses are actors! I should like now to promenade round your Gardens--apple-tasting--pear-tasting--plum-judging--apricot-nibbling-- peach-scrunching--nectarine-sucking and Melon-carving. I have also a great feeling for antiquated cherries full of sugar cracks--and a white currant tree kept for company. I admire lolling on a lawn by a water lilied pond to eat white currants and see gold-fish: and go to the Fair in the Evening if I'm good. There is not hope for that--one is sure to get into some mess before evening. Have these hot days I brag of so much been well or ill for your health? Let me hear soon.
Your affectionate Brother
JOHN ----.
CXIV.--TO JOHN TAYLOR.
Winchester, September 1, 1819.
My dear Taylor--Brown and I have been employed for these 3 weeks past from time to time in writing to our different friends--a dead silence is our only answer--we wait morning after morning. Tuesday is the day for the Examiner to arrive, this is the 2d Tuesday which has been barren even of a newspaper--Men should be in imitation of spirits ”responsive to each other's note.” Instead of that I pipe and no one hath danced. We have been cursing like Mandeville and Lisle--With this I shall send by the same post a 3d letter to a friend of mine, who though it is of consequence has neither answered right or left. We have been much in want of news from the Theatres, having heard that Kean is going to America--but no--not a word.
Why I should come on you with all these complaints I cannot explain to myself, especially as I suspect you must be in the country. Do answer me soon for I really must know something. I must steer myself by the rudder of Information....
Ever yours sincerely
JOHN KEATS.
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