Part 15 (2/2)

She half-smiled. ”Wait a bit first. Give yourself a chance to deal with all this.”

”I dealt with it a decade ago!” But something nagged at him, saying there was something new. Something other than Pop, and the shame of not being able to stop it from happening. But no. There couldn't be.

It was Nik who couldn't deal with this. ”You don't want me to touch you anymore, do you? Not now that you know I'm one of the nasty trashy boys your daddy warned you about.”

Anger leaped into her eyes and she shoved him off of her and onto the floor. She sat up and leaned over him. ”You stupid jerk. When are you going to figure out that I don't give a d.a.m.n about any of that garbage? I'm sorry for your miserable childhood, and I'm sorry that you have such horrible memories, but none of that changes the fine person you are. And none of it has the least little bit to do with whether I want to make love with you. I do. Very much. I'd just rather wait until it has a bit more to do with making love and a bit less to do with pus.h.i.+ng away bad memories.”

”That's not -” he faltered. It was. Making love was about two people becoming more than their individual selves. It wasn't about losing oneself in the other, and that's what he'd been looking for.

She moved fully onto the bed and said, ”Come lie next to me. I'll show you some simple breathing exercises to help you relax.”

But in the end, what helped him relax the most was finally believing that she truly accepted him.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO.

Nik couldn't sleep. For once, it wasn't because her body hurt in more places than she could count. She couldn't sleep because her mind was busy thinking about everything Bill had said - and everything he hadn't. She was almost sorry she'd stopped him before he explained those strange remarks about his life.

Only almost sorry, though. Any more revelations right then would have been too much.

He was sleeping now. It had taken an hour to get him relaxed enough to make love, and more time after that for his exhaustion to finally tip him into sleep. Her imagination made her think he was resting more soundly than usual, now that his past was out in the open. But she knew that was her imagination talking - just like it was saying that their relations.h.i.+p was suddenly much more serious simply because he'd told her about his past.

No. Bill might trust her with secrets he'd rather no one knew, but she would still be crazy to think he'd stay much longer.

It was h.e.l.l being a responsible boss, and even worse having another responsible boss as a lover. Bill wanted to stay right here in Nik's bed all day long, and maybe all week long. She'd been away for nearlya week, and now that he knew she accepted the real him, they had a lot of catching up to do.

Six months ago, he would have done it - or at least put a fair amount of effort into persuading her to agree. But now, when she said she had reviews to write and meetings to attend, he remembered the work that was waiting for him, too.

He wasn't going to give up entirely, though. While they both dressed, he asked, ”You're coming over tonight, aren't you?” It was Tuesday, after all.

”The reason I usually see you on Tuesday is because I don't see you on Monday.” He heard the smile in her voice. ”In case you've forgotten, we spent Monday together this week.”

”But we didn't spend the weekend together - or last Tuesday, for that matter.” It suddenly occurred to him that they hadn't talked about her health since she got back from Christmas. ”You're okay, aren't you?

Your trip home wasn't too tiring or anything, was it?”

”I'm okay,” she said, but he wasn't sure if he could believe her. ”I don't sleep real well when I'm at Nathan's, so I'm kind of tired.” She paused for a few seconds, and he thought about telling her to forget it, that she should get some extra sleep tonight. But he wanted her with him, even if she was too tired to do anything but sleep. ”Let's say this - I'll come for dinner, and unless I feel worse than I do now, I'll stay the night. I'll need to sleep, though.”

”That's fine. Sleep as much as you want.” Anything so he could have her near.

Bill glanced up when someone knocked on his office door. It was Seth. ”Good afternoon, Bill. Do you have a few minutes?”

It wasn't much of a question, not when it was the big boss asking. ”Sure. What can I do for you?”

Seth smiled as he shut the door and sat down. ”Actually, I came by to thank you for your hard work this past year. You know that I was somewhat leery about how you'd handle this project lead role, and I think it's only appropriate for me to say that I have no reservations on that score any longer.”

He'd been more than ”somewhat leery”, but there was no reason to mention that. ”Thanks for saying that.

I've done my best.”

Seth nodded. ”I can see that, and that's why I wanted to give you this personally.” He handed him a sealed envelope. ”It's your bonus check, and I hope the amount will please you.”

That must mean it was more than the measly couple hundred bucks he'd gotten the last few years.

”Thanks. I'm sure it will.”

Seth smiled a bit tightly. ”There's something else I wanted to touch upon today, and that's your salary.

The details will have to wait until after the first of the year, but I thought you'd like to know that Scott recommended you for a significant raise, and that I've approved his recommendation. We both feel that the new amount more adequately reflects your contributions to the company than what you're currently making.”

A significant raise? How much was that?

”One more thing, Bill. I'm aware that you and Scott have had your difficulties in the past, and frankly, that was one of the reasons I was so concerned about giving you this promotion. But I'm impressed with howwell you and he have worked together the last few months, and I want you to know that I appreciate both of your efforts in that regard.”

Before Bill could think of an appropriate response, Seth was on his feet and out the door. A good thing, too. Despite the bonus and the promise of a big raise, all his mind could focus on was what Seth had said about Scott.

How on earth could Scott stand to deal with Bill, much less recommend him for a raise?

Nik hoped Bill hadn't been expecting her earlier. She hadn't mentioned it this morning, but she hadn't dared skip her after-work workout. He didn't answer the doorbell right away, and she thought about suggesting that they exchange keys to avoid this ha.s.sle in the future.

But then he opened the door, and the suggestion flew out of her mind. ”What's wrong?” she asked.

Something had to be. He was wired like he'd been last night and appeared surprised to see her.

”Wrong?” Awareness popped into his eyes. ”You're here for dinner. I'll -” He turned and started for the kitchen.

She hurried after him. ”Don't worry about dinner. I want to know why you're so upset.”

He clattered around the kitchen, gathering ingredients and cooking implements haphazardly, totally unlike his normal self. She finally stopped him by taking his hands in hers, pulling him into the dining area, and pus.h.i.+ng him into a chair. After a moment, he nodded and said, ”You're right. It would take too long to cook. We'll go out.”

Before he could stand up, she stepped in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders. ”Dinner can wait, Bill. What's going on in your head can't.” He didn't say anything, so she asked, ”Does this have anything to do with the stuff we talked about last night?”

He groaned and dropped his head forward. ”I'm a d.a.m.n fraud, and Scott knows it, but the jerk's too d.a.m.n nice to do anything about it!”

A connection clicked in her head, one that was so awful it couldn't possibly be real. ”You said you blackmailed your way to your promotion. You didn't mean that literally, did you?”

He raised his head slowly, until he was looking straight in her eyes, and she suddenly knew what his answer would be.

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