Part 28 (2/2)

sixteenthings.indd 191 9/9/13 2:21 PM.

J a n e t G u r t l e r ”Oh, Morgan,” Camille whispers.

Amy gasps and Adam puts an arm in front of me, as if to protect me. I glance up. Bob's face is white.

”Morgan!” Amy yelps. I glance sympathetically at her. She's going to need therapy after this, but this is not about her. I don't want to need anyone. I don't want to admit part of me hoped for more from him. That I still do.

Bob crosses his arms.

”I thought it was your choice to abandon me. I was angry. Maybe I'm still kind of angry,” I admit. But I'm sad too. So sad. How could I be anything but sad? ”I don't know why I'm here. I don't know what to do now,” I tell him.

His body visibly deflates and I see tears in his eyes. ”The truth is, I am your father.”

I sigh. ”I know.”

We stare at each other for a moment, and I drop my eyes first.

”I think what I really wanted was to meet you,” I'm finally able to admit. A different waitress holding a pot of hot water and a pot of coffee in each hand approaches the table, but Camille shakes her head and the waitress turns quickly and veers off in another direction.

I sigh. ”I kind of thought you owed her too, you know? I thought you knew about me and, knowing that, you still never contributed a thing,” I confess. ”A part of me thought you should pay her back for those years.” I think of her bills- and then watch as my college years drift out of my reach. ”But now, the way things are, you don't owe her anything.”

”I don't?” he asks quietly.

192.

sixteenthings.indd 192 9/9/13 2:21 PM.

1 6 t h i n g s i t h o u g h t w e r e t r u e I lean forward. ”No. None of this is your fault. ”

Despite everything, I'll give my mom my college money. I won't let her go broke over her hospital bills. No matter what the circ.u.m- stances, she raised me all alone. It was her choice. I don't agree with it. But I still owe her for all she sacrificed for me.

I glance at Amy and Adam. Concern bounces off their faces and lands in my chest. They're on my team. At least I got them out of this: the road trip. And I'm keeping them when it's over.

”So that gets me off the hook?” Bob asks. I think there's sadness in his eyes. But I wonder if I'm imaging it.

I press my lips tight. ”Yes.”

”I'm your father,” he says, but he looks at Camille when he says it. Not me.

”Biological,” I say.

He winces, but there's that truth thing again, sticking its neck out.

He rubs at his chin, his eyes still on Camille. ”I don't know what the right thing to do or even say is.”

”I know,” I say. ”Me neither.”

”We don't have to figure it all out this second,” Camille says, her eyebrows tight and a worried tilt to her lips. ”You are his daughter though, Morgan. And that means something. To both of us.” She wipes under her eyes.

”You better know that Morgan is awesome,” Adam says to Bob.

His voice is louder than usual and it breaks. ”You're lucky you got to meet her.”

Bob coughs. ”I kind of noticed how you felt about my daughter,”

he says.

193.

sixteenthings.indd 193 9/9/13 2:21 PM.

J a n e t G u r t l e r I drop my eyes to my lap. The memory of Bob standing outside and peering into the car window while Adam and I groped each other is not a picture I want to recreate in my mind.

”He said daughter,” Amy loud-whispers, oblivious to the subtext floating around the table.

Bob and I look at each other and drop our gazes at the same time, as if we're on an awkward date. A father- daughter date.

”How long have you two been married?” Amy asks Camille.

”A long time,” Camille says with a smile.

”So why don't you have kids of your own?”

There's a pause. Noticeable. ”Things don't always go as planned,”

Camille finally says, and then she slides off her seat and picks up her purse and adjusts it on her shoulder. ”Excuse me, I have to go to the ladies room.”

Bob watches her leave and then turns to me. ”Camille and I weren't able to have children,” he says. ”It was really hard on her.”

”Oh. Fudgsicle sticks. I'm really sorry,” Amy says.

Bob doesn't look at her. ”I loved her,” he says to me.

I glance at Camille. ”Camille?”

”No,” he says. ”Your mom. In case it matters. It was a long time ago. But I loved her. If I'd known about you, I would have mar- ried her.”

”I guess she didn't think you would,” I say. ”All she told me about you was that you didn't want children.”

He sighs, and it's deep and heartfelt. ”I did say that. G.o.d. I was so young. I didn't feel ready to take on a whole family. She probably sensed it.” He picks up his teacup and swirls around the 194.

sixteenthings.indd 194 9/9/13 2:21 PM.

1 6 t h i n g s i t h o u g h t w e r e t r u e remains in the cup and then puts it down. He glances around the restaurant. ”She never gave me a chance.” The regret in his voice makes my heart hurt again- for him this time, not only me.

”Even if it didn't work out with your mom, I would have been there for you.” He smiles at something in the distance, and I look over my shoulder and see Camille returning to the table.

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