Part 22 (1/2)

Amy is talking, but I can't tune in or focus on what she's saying.

My head is spinning and trying desperately to avoid where we are, yet at the same time, I look around me, drinking in the breathtaking beauty. The sun is s.h.i.+ning and welcoming. Fresh air blows through the open windows of the car. It's visually and fragrantly delicious.

”We made it,” I whisper. And once again, I'm a little girl looking 139.

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J A N E T G U R T L E R.

for her daddy- a daddy who vanished on purpose and doesn't want to be found.

My phone bings that I have a new text.

I really need to talk to you. Please text or call.

My mom again.

I text Jake.

How's Mom?

He texts back a minute later.

Fine. Ignore her.

I turn off my phone and tuck it under my leg. Jake said she's fi ne.

Th is isn't about her, I remind myself. Th is is about me. Finding my dad. Seeing him in person. Whatever she has to say can wait until I get home.

Amy picks up my mood and stops talking and turns the radio to a local station. An Eminem song comes on and I reach for the volume and turn it up. Under his anger and aggressive rapping, I feel his desperation and hope, and it feels similar to mine. Th e song works with my mood. I lean back, staring out the window as we zip past colorful, vibrant fl owers sprouting from green gra.s.s on the side of the highway. It's fragrant and lush. Th e island throbs with life.

Th e cuss words contrast with the sweetness. It's perfect.

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1 6 t h i n g s i t h o u g h t w e r e t r u e Eminem screams to a finish, and the car is silent with dead air.

Amy turns down the volume b.u.t.ton as the DJ breaks into the silence with a falsely cheery voice tinged with panic.

”We're here,” she says.

Reality crashes back.

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chapter thirteen.

8. You can tell by looking if someone has their black belt in karate. #thingsIthoughtweretrue W e're in front of the hostel. It's an old house, painted burnt yellow and squished up beside a church. A Canadian flag sticks out the front along with a blue flag I don't recognize.

”It's small. No Hilton or Marriott,” Amy says, peering over the steering wheel.

”Welcome to budget travel. It's cheap. And it'll be clean,” I say.

”It had great reviews online. I promise.”

”You got great reviews online,” she mumbles.

”I got a lot more bad ones than the hostel,” I say. ”It's really cute.

It'll be fine.”

”There's a parking lot at the back,” Adam says. ”Turn left.” He's looking out the window, reading a sign. Amy finds a spot right away and turns off the car.

”Awesome driving,” I say to Amy. ”We made it!”

I have a sudden urge to forget about my plans, forget why I've come to the island. We could sightsee and be tourists and live for the moment. I could forget I have a dad who dumped me before I sixteenthings.indd 143 9/9/13 2:21 PM.

J a n e t G u r t l e r was born and a mom at home recovering from heart surgery. Forget both of them. I've been good at ignoring her texts. I could ignore him completely.

I choke on my own breath. My forehead beads with sweat. I can't ignore him. After eighteen years, I'm here to confront him. I'm about to meet my dad for the very first time. A huge, embarra.s.sing sob explodes from my chest as loud and delicate as the foghorn on the ferry.

Amy reaches across, opens her glove box, takes out a box of Kleenex, and shoves it at me. ”I get a lot of nosebleeds,” she says.

I nod, swallow, hiccup, and use the Kleenex to wipe up my face.

”Sorry,” I say again and sniffle. Adam's sitting on the hood of the car. He escaped as I was losing my grip.

”I don't usually cry. I think I freaked Adam out.”

”I think you did,” she agrees. ”But that's okay.” She nods toward Adam. ”He's a boy. They can't handle emotion. I, on the other hand, with all my lady parts, am good in a crisis. Jake says hi by the way. He's worried about you.”

Her whiplash- quick ability to change the subject lightens the mood. ”Amy.” I wipe under my eyes and blow my nose. ”You are awesome. Never change.”

”Why would I change?”

”Why indeed.” I put my hand on the door. ”No wonder Jake likes you. Should we go and check in?”

”You're sure you're okay?”

”I'm totally fine,” I lie.