Part 12 (1/2)

”Yeah.” I take another sip of c.o.ke and smile at him.

”Why're you smiling?” he asks.

”Just that you get it's a big deal. I have a picture of him too. And I found him. He lives in Victoria, BC. In Canada.”

He finishes off his sandwich, watching me. ”Are you going to call him?”

”No. I'm going to go see him. I want to do it in person,” I blurt out and wait for his reaction. I haven't told anyone that part. Not even online. And it's only when I say it out loud that I know I have to. I have a father. I want to show him that I made it, that his rejection didn't break me- not in a way that he'll be able to see, anyhow. I ignore the 75 sixteenthings.indd 75 9/9/13 2:21 PM.

J a n e t G u r t l e r way my stomach twists. I ignore the little girl inside of me who wants to cling to his pant leg and cry and demand to be loved. I'm not that bad...am I?

Adam puts down his drink on the coffee table. I notice a carving in the table. JM + LG.

He pulls an apple from his paper bag and rubs it on his T- s.h.i.+rt.

”So you're planning to go all the way to Canada to drop in on the father you've never met- without warning?”

I take an aggressive bite of the bar. ”Yup. Pretty much.”

He bites into the apple and some juice squirts out and hits my arm, but we both ignore it.

”Cool?” he says but phrases it like a question.

That makes me laugh. ”I want to see his face when I tell him who I am,” I say softly. I finish my bar and scrunch the wrapper up in my hand.

Adam watches me as he chews through the apple in big bites.

”What do you hope to accomplish?”

I throw the balled up wrapper at the garbage and it goes in. I take that as a good sign. I believe in signs. Then I bite my lip, embarra.s.sed.

I don't want to tell Adam that I hope my dad will see me and change his mind. I pick at a hangnail on my thumb, and Adam leans forward to toss his apple core in the garbage. He misses and I hide a smile.

”He walked away,” he says softly.

I sigh. ”I know.”

”Well,” he says, ”I guess anything can happen, but you should be prepared...in case...”

”Did you know it costs over two hundred thousand dollars

76.

sixteenthings.indd 76 9/9/13 2:21 PM.

1 6 t h i n g s i t h o u g h t w e r e t r u e to raise a kid to the age of eighteen?” I interrupt before he can say more.

He sips his drink. ”No, I didn't.” He tilts his head, studying me.

”Is this about money?”

I stare at him. He's looking at me as if he cares, and it's sweet.

He's being rational. I know it. Of course it's not about the money.

It's about me. Me. And Bob. And some stupid hope that I'm cling- ing to. That if he sees me...

”I can handle this,” I say. ”I just need to figure out a way to get there. To Victoria. It's not that far, but unfortunately, Josh is selling his car, so I can't borrow his. Maybe I'll rent one.”

Adam leans back on his couch. ”Don't you have to be twenty- one or even older to rent a car?”

”Really?” I unclench my jaw and roll out my shoulders.

”I can drive you,” a tiny voice says from behind me.

Amy is standing beside the couch holding a paper tube wrapped in pink cotton candy. The corners of her mouth are bright pink.

”Amy,” I say, ”this is a private conversation.”

She pulls a big chunk of cotton candy off with her tiny fingers.

”You're sitting in the staff room, not the private conversation room.

If you wanted privacy, why didn't you go to your bathroom stall?”

Adam looks at her. I narrow my eyes at her and shake my head.

”Well, I heard. And I can drive. So that's probably a good thing if you really do want to go find your dad.”

I glare at her. She doesn't even look old enough to have her driv- er's license.

She walks around the couch so she's in front of me. ”I've

77.