Part 31 (1/2)
”Oh, putty good. I learned three or four pages by heart, an' I thought that was 'bout enough. So after while the minister an' the rest come 'round an' begun examinin' me. I noticed that the questions kinder didn't fit in, but I did my best; an' when they'd ask me about the Scripters, I'd jam in somethin' about carbonic acid gas, an' when they inquired about the whole duty of man, I desp'rately give 'em somethin'
relatin' to the functions of lightnin'-rods.”
”You must have astonished them.”
”You never seen men wuss bewildered,” replied the judge; ”but I think I really skeered 'em when they asked me about Solomon's temple, an' I lit out with an answer referrin' to smoky chimneys. They thought I was insane. But when I pulled out the book an' showed it to 'em, the preacher laughed an' told me about the mistake. Then we hunted up the catechism an' got the thing straight. The church folks had the laugh on me for a while, but I didn't mind it. An' it _was_ pretty fair for a joke, wasn't it?”
”Excellent.”
”But I got a better one on at least one of them fellers. Doctor Brindley was on the examinin' committee, an' he run me harder than any of 'em about it. Well, sir--Do you know old Hillega.s.s?”
”No; I never heard of him.”
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”He lives out yer on the Wilmington road. Well, sir, some time afore that Hillega.s.s was putty near dead. He was the wust case I ever seen.
Broken down, thin an' pale, with no appet.i.te, his lungs weak, his liver good for nothin', his legs full of rheumatics, his heart affected an'
his head achin' with neuralger, I really believe that man was the sickest human bein' that ever breathed the breath of life. All the doctors in the country had a shy at him one time an' another; an' as he kep' a-gettin' wuss an' wuss, they made him mad, an' he wouldn't pay their bills.”
”He was not much to blame for that.”
”Certainly not. Well, one day them doctors met, an' after talkin' the thing over they agreed not to go to Hillega.s.s's again unless he settled up, you understand. They said, 'Now we'll let Hillega.s.s die; we've fooled with him long enough. He's either got to pay or perish. No more Hillega.s.s for us unless we see some cash.' So for about a year they let him alone; an' whenever one of 'em would drive past the house, he would pull up for a minute, look to see if there was c.r.a.pe on the door, an'
then go on, shakin' his head an' sayin', 'Poor Hillega.s.s! the stingy old fool's not long for this world.'”
”Did he die?”
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”Die! One day Dr. Brindley felt kinder sorry for Hillega.s.s, an' he weakened on his resolution. So he called at the house to see how he was gittin' on. As he went in the yard he seen a stoutish man liftin' a bar'l of flour in a waggin. When the man got the bar'l in, he seen the doctor an' come for'ard. The doctor thought he knew the scar on the man's nose, but he couldn't believe it. Howsomedever, it _was_ old Hillega.s.s, well an' hearty as a buck, an' able to h'ist the roof off the barn if he'd a mind to. You understand that I had a very soft thing on Brindley jes' then; an' he never seemed to take no furder interest in the catechism business when he met me. An' they don't encourage doctors much out that way now; no, sir. They trust to luck an' natur', which in my opinion is the best way, anyhow.”
”A great many remarkable things seem to have happened in this place,” I said.
”Yes,” responded the judge. ”You'd hardly think it of such a quiet town as this 'pears to be; but somehow there's 'most always somethin' lively goin' on. There was that fuss 'round at Dr. Hopkins's a couple o' year ago; did you hear 'bout that?”
”Not that I know of.”
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”Well, we'd jes' got a new fire-engine in the town, an' the men that run her thought they'd play a little joke on the chief of the department by rus.h.i.+n' 'round to his house an' pretendin' it was afire. By a most unfort'nit circ.u.mstance, the chief moved out of the house that mornin', and Dr. Hopkins--the preacher, you know--moved in. Them fellers come a-peltin' 'round with the engine, an' they run up their ladders an'
begun a-playin' on the roof in a manner that skeered the Hopkinses nearly to death. But the other fire company thought there really was a fire, an' they come out with their engine an' begun to squirt on the house. The others tried to explain how it was, but the new-comers wouldn't believe 'em, an' they kep' a-pourin' water into the winders an'
a carryin' on like mad. So at last they got up a fight, an' they fought all over the house an' on the stairs an' up an' down the entries, until Dr. Hopkins was putty near insane; an' when they went home, he counted up about two hundred dollars damages, which them fellers had to pay.
Yes, it is astonis.h.i.+n' how they used to keep things a-movin' in this town. An' now I really must be goin'. I'll send back the paper the fust thing in the mornin', for certain.”
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