Part 22 (2/2)
”BISHOP POTTS.
”Bishop Potts, of Salt Lake City, was the husband of three wives and the father of fifteen interesting children. Early in the winter the bishop determined that his little ones should have a good time on Christmas, so he concluded to take a trip down to San Francisco to see what he could find in the shape of toys with which to gratify and amuse them. The good bishop packed his carpet-bag, embraced Mrs. Potts one by one and kissed each of her affectionately, and started upon his journey.
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”He was gone a little more than a week, when he came back with fifteen bra.s.s trumpets in his valise for his darlings. He got out of the train at Salt Lake, thinking how joyous it would be at home on Christmas morning when the fifteen trumpets should be in operation upon different tunes at the same moment. But just as he entered the depot he saw a group of women standing in the ladies' room apparently waiting for him.
As soon as he approached, the whole twenty of them rushed up, threw their arms about his neck and kissed him, exclaiming:
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”'Oh, Theodore, we are so, _so_ glad you have come back! Welcome home!
Welcome, dear Theodore, to the bosom of your family!' and then the entire score of them fell upon his neck and cried over his s.h.i.+rt front and mussed him.
”The bishop seemed surprised and embarra.s.sed. Struggling to disengage himself, he blushed and said:
”'Really, ladies, this kind of thing is well enough--it is interesting and all that; but there must be some kind of a--that is, an awkward sort of a--excuse me, ladies, but there seems to be, as it were, a slight misunderstanding about the--I am Bishop Potts.'
”'We know it, we know it, dear,' they exclaimed, in chorus, 'and we are glad to see you safe at home. We have all been very well while you were away, love.'
”'It gratifies me,' remarked the bishop, 'to learn that none of you have been a prey to disease. I am filled with serenity when I contemplate the fact; but really, I do not understand why you should rush into this railway station and hug me because your livers are active and your digestion good. The precedent is bad; it is dangerous!'
”'Oh, but we didn't!' they exclaimed, in chorus. 'We came here to welcome you because you are our husband.'
”'Pardon me, but there must be some little--that is to say, as it were, I should think not. Women, you have mistaken your man!'
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”'Oh no!' they shouted; 'we were married to you while you were away!'
”'What!' exclaimed the bishop; 'you don't mean to say that--'
”'Yes, love. Our husband, William Brown, died on Monday, and on Thursday, Brigham had a vision in which he was directed to seal us to you; and so he performed the ceremony at once by proxy.'
”'Th-th-th-th-under!' observed the bishop.
”'And we are all living with you now--we and the dear children.'
”'Children! children!' exclaimed Bishop Potts, turning pale; 'you don't mean to say that there is a pack of children, too?'
”'Yes, love, but only one hundred and twenty-five, not counting the eight twins and the triplet.'
”'Wha-wha-wha-what d'you say?' gasped the bishop, in a cold perspiration; 'one hundred and twenty-five! One hundred and twenty-five children and twenty more wives! It is too much--it is awful!' and the bishop sat down and groaned, while the late Mrs. Brown, the bride, stood around in a semicircle and fanned him with her bonnets, all except the red-haired one, and she in her trepidation made a futile effort to fan him with the coal-scuttle.
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”But after a while the bishop became reconciled to his new alliance, knowing well that protests would be unavailing, so he walked home, holding several of the little hands of the bride, while the red-haired woman carried his umbrella and marched in front of the parade to remove obstructions and to scare off small boys.
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