Part 11 (1/2)

I unraveled about eighteen inches of the rope and fastened the other end to the horse's tail. This, I estimated, would enable him to switch a fly off the very end of his nose when he had acquired a little practice.

Unfortunately, I neglected to speak to my man upon the subject; and when he came to the stable that evening, he examined the rope and concluded that I was trying experiments with some new kind of hitching-strap; so he tied the horse to the stall by the artificial continuation. By morning the feed-box was kicked into kindling-wood, and the horse was standing on three legs, with the other leg caught in the hay-rack, while he had chewed up two of the best boards in the side of the stable in front of him.

Subsequently I explained the theory to the man and readjusted the rope.

But the patent tail annoyed the hostler so much while currying the horse that he tied a stone to it to hold it still. The consequence was that in a moment of unusual excitement the horse flung the stone around and inflicted a severe wound upon the man's head. The man resigned next morning.

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I then concluded to introduce an improvement. I purchased some horse-hair and spliced it upon the tail so neatly that it had the appearance of a natural growth. When the new man came, he attempted to comb out the horse's tail, and the added portion came off in his hand.

He had profound confidence in his veterinary skill, and he imagined that the occurrence indicated a diseased condition of the horse. So he purchased some powders and gave the animal an enormous dose in a bucket of warm ”mash.” In half an hour that pestilential horse was seized with convulsions, during which he kicked out the stable-door, shattered the stall to pieces, hammered four more boards out of the part.i.tion, dislocated his off hind leg and expired in frightful agony.

He was more urbane after death than he had been during his life, and I contemplated his remains without shedding a tear. He was sold to a glue-man for eight dollars; and when he had departed, I felt that he would fulfill a wiser and better purpose as a contributor to the national stock of glue than as the unconscious persecutor of his former owner.

”Mrs. Adeler, do you feel any interest in the subject of pirates?”

She said the question was somewhat abrupt, but she thought she might safely say she did not.

”I make the inquiry for the reason that I have just written a ballad which has for its hero a certain bold corsair. This is the first consequence of the death of our horse. In the exuberance of joy caused by that catastrophe, I felt as if I would like to perpetrate something which should be purely ridiculous, and accordingly I organized upon paper this piratical narrative. You think the subject is an odd one? Not so. I do not pretend to explain the fact, but it is true that by this generation a pirate is regarded as a comic personage. Perhaps the reason is that he has been so often presented to us in such a perfectly absurd form in melodrama and in the cheap and trashy novels of the day. At any rate, he is susceptible of humorous treatment, as you will perceive.”

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”I have had a stronger impulse to write of buccaneers, too, because I am in New Castle; for, somehow, I always a.s.sociate those freebooting individuals with this village. A certain ancestor of mine sailed away from this town in 1813, in a brig commissioned as a privateer, and played havoc with the s.h.i.+ps of the enemy upon the Atlantic. In my childhood I used to hear of his brave deeds, and, somehow, I conceived the idea that he was a genuine pirate with a black flag, skull and cross-bones, and a disagreeable habit of compelling his captives to walk the plank. I was much more proud of him then, Mrs. Adeler, than I should be now had he really been such a ruffian. But he was not. He was a gallant sailor and a brave and honest gentleman, who served his country faithfully on the ocean, and then held a post of honor as warden of the port of Philadelphia until his death. But I never go to the river's side in New Castle without involuntarily recalling that fine old man in the character of an outlawed rover upon the high seas.

”Here, my dear, is the ballad. When I have read it to you, I will send it to the _Argus_. Since Mr. Slimmer's retirement there has been a dearth of poetry in the columns of that great organ.”

MRS. JONES'S PIRATE.

A sanguinary pirate sailed upon the Spanish main In a rakish-looking schooner which was called the ”Mary Jane.”

She carried lots of howitzers and deadly rifled guns, With shot and sh.e.l.l and powder and percussion caps in tons.

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The pirate was a homely man, and short and grum and fat; He wore a wild and awful scowl beneath his slouching hat.

Swords, pistols and stilettos were arranged around his thighs, And demoniacal glaring was quite common with his eyes.

His heavy black moustaches curled away beneath his nose, And drooped in elegant festoons about his very toes.

He hardly ever spoke at all; but when such was the case, His voice 'twas easy to perceive was quite a heavy ba.s.s.

He was not a serious pirate; and despite his anxious cares, He rarely went to Sunday-school and seldom said his prayers.

He wors.h.i.+ped lovely women, and his hope in life was this: To calm his wild, tumultuous soul with pure domestic bliss.

When conversing with his s.h.i.+pmates, he very often swore That he longed to give up piracy and settle down on sh.o.r.e.

He tired of blood and plunder; of the joys that they could bring; He sighed to win the love of some affectionate young thing.

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One morning as the ”Mary Jane” went bounding o'er the sea The pirate saw a merchant bark far off upon his lee.

He ordered a pursuit, and spread all sail that he could spare, And then went down, in hopeful mood, to shave and curl his hair.