Part 18 (2/2)
”Hey,” she choked out. ”What are you up to?” She wanted to bite the words back. Obviously he was standing in her kitchen, visiting her.
He glanced at Debbie Mae, who began studiously scrubbing the biscuit dough from a bowl. ”I thought maybe we could talk, if you had time.”
”Sure.” She wiped her hands on her ap.r.o.n and gestured to the living room.
He followed behind her, silent except for his footfalls. She realized Absalom was at home and her stomach went tight. She'd feel so much better about this talk if Absalom were there to push his heavy body against her legs, like a s.h.i.+eld against heartache.
They stood in the living room, facing each other but not meeting each other's eyes. He cleared his throat. ”I'm sorry for last night.”
She let out a breath. ”I know.” He'd already said that twice before.
”I should not have kissed you. I needed to tell you something far, far earlier than that moment.” He straightened his shoulders. ”When I saw Frank with Lauren, it made me crazy. I couldn't imagine how he could be flirting with you while he was in a relations.h.i.+p with her, even if it was secret.”
She nodded, staring at the floor. He cared about Lauren, that had always been clear. ”You sure told him where to get off that train.”
His lips tugged up for a moment. ”I was mad. Totally inappropriate timing, but I didn't want to see him-”
”I know.” Touching her, kissing her, calling her. Lauren was a lucky girl. She didn't want a cave man, but something about Brooks standing over Frank and threatening him made her wish for a little bit of that, too. ”He'll probably ignore you.”
He was silent for a moment, his eyes narrowed. ”I need to tell you something I found out about Frank.”
Caroline listened, shock filling her from head to toe. ”I can't believe it.”
”It's true. And Lauren is involved.”
She covered her mouth with her hand. How horrible for Brooks. He cared for Lauren and she was throwing it all away for that shyster Frank.
”I know you must be angry with me for-”
”I'm not. I'm really not.” She couldn't bear that he be in any more pain than he was already. She took a breath, willing herself to be strong. ”I understand needs and urges. We're both adults. These things happen.”
There was a pulse of silence. She looked up to see his eyes widen in disbelief. Sure, she was being pretty understanding, but she was partly to blame. Okay, maybe a lot to blame.
”I see.” His voice had gone tight and hard.
”We both probably should just move on.” Her throat closed over the words. She didn't want to move on, she wanted to step forward and let him hold her again. She wanted to feel his mouth on her and the weight of him against her and the heat of his hands. She blinked back hot tears. G.o.d give her strength, she was going against every fiber of her being.
She fought for control, swallowing back the ache in her throat. ”Let's not make this harder than it has to be.”
Those words were like flicking a switch inside him. He nodded, eyes impossibly sad. ”You're a good friend, Caroline.”
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She wanted so much more than friends.h.i.+p. But that wasn't her right and she wouldn't make him feel guilty for something they both had done.
”Are you coming in for lunch? We have a chicken roasting and the biscuits should be almost ready.” Her voice shook but she held her chin high.
”No, no.” He patted his stomach. ”I'm... okay. Still full from breakfast.” He glanced at the door and her heart squeezed in her chest. He was desperate to get away, now that they'd had their 'talk'.
”Ok, well, see you later. You're coming to Mobile Bay, right?”
He turned, frowning. ”Mobile Bay?”
”Debbie Mae has roped me into going down to Alabama with them for the reenactment. She said you and Manning would be at Fort Morgan.”
He nodded slowly, brows drawn together. ”I'll be there.”
”Then... See you in a couple weeks.” She almost flinched. She was trying to give him s.p.a.ce, freedom. But all she felt was a vicious ache in her chest.
”Right.” He turned to the door, giving her one last glance, then he was gone.
Caroline sank onto the couch and let hot tears flow down her cheeks. She didn't bother to wipe them away or calm herself. Her heart was breaking and it was the worst pain she'd ever experienced in her life.
It was over and there was nothing that could be done to fix it. The image of Lauren flashed through her mind. Of course he'd fight for her. Of course she'd forget Frank and learn to love Brooks. As much as she wished otherwise, she couldn't imagine her doing anything else.
”Mr. Knightley, if I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream.”- Emma
Chapter Twenty Two.
The sparkling blue water spread before her like a gla.s.s quilt, rippling and s.h.i.+mmering. Caroline let out a long sigh and lifted her face to the warm sun. There wasn't a more beautiful spot in the world, she was sure of it. Crossing Mobile Bay on a slow moving steamboat, cold iced tea in her hand was about as good as it got. And she couldn't enjoy a moment of it.
”Still moping? You need to get some guts, girl.” Debbie Mae adjusted the strap on her sun dress and squinted across the bay.
”How does one go about procuring guts, Debbie Mae?” She knew she was being irritable but it wasn't a question of getting guts. It was about Brooks being in love with another woman. It wasn't an attraction she understood, but she knew love didn't follow the rules. She'd learned that lesson really well.
”Just tell him how you feel. Manning says Brooks has been wandering around like some kind of resident ghost from the War, never speaking, hardly eating.”
”It wouldn't matter if I told him how I feel because it's not about me.” She sat up on the lounge chair, not wanting to talk about her broken heart anymore. ”What are we doing when we get there?”
”Dr. Stroud has some costumes for us. I think we're local women.” She leaned over, lowering her voice. ”I'm not real sure there were women at that fort, but I won't complain. I love watching the s.h.i.+ps and hearing the cannons.”
Caroline smiled. ”You're sounding just like the boys, now.”
”A bona-fide die hard,” she agreed, nodding. ”How's your friend, Lexi? Did she ever get her business up and running?”
She shook her head. ”It just wasn't working. We both tried really hard but it was more than I knew how to do.” She looked up into the bright white-blue sky. ”The good news is that she'll be taking her art supplies to school. She won't give up on her gift just because she has to split time between her studies and her art.”
”And the bad news?”
”The bad news is that she's still determined to study accounting.” She grinned. ”But hey, the world needs accountants, right?”
”It sure does. Especially artist accountants.” Debbie Mae leaned back in her chair. ”I guess Brooks was right.”
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